Hello, I have been in a monogamous relationship with my bf of 10 years. He’s now decided he’s poly. I’m trying to be open and accepting of it, so joined to see if I could learn more from the people in this community. I’ve been encouraged to go on dates and I have, but I don’t really feel anything or have an interest in being involved with an additional partner.
New to this concept
- Thread starter LMS
- Start date
Greetings LMS,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Good for you for joining this site. You will be able to learn a lot about being open or poly here, and will be able to make an informed decision about whether you are willing to have an open relationship or polyamory your life.
Maybe you will opt for a mono/poly relationship, in which your boyfriend has other partners, while you just have him. There is nothing wrong with going that way. It is perhaps more challenging than poly/poly, but it definitely can be done, and has been done. Even if you choose mono/poly, keep the option open for you to have other partners too, in case you ever have a change of heart/mind about that, or in case your situation changes in the future (such as someone new coming into your life when you're not looking for anyone). In the meantime, I encourage you to do lots of reading and posting on Polyamory.com; let us know whenever questions arise for you. We'll try to help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Good for you for joining this site. You will be able to learn a lot about being open or poly here, and will be able to make an informed decision about whether you are willing to have an open relationship or polyamory your life.
Maybe you will opt for a mono/poly relationship, in which your boyfriend has other partners, while you just have him. There is nothing wrong with going that way. It is perhaps more challenging than poly/poly, but it definitely can be done, and has been done. Even if you choose mono/poly, keep the option open for you to have other partners too, in case you ever have a change of heart/mind about that, or in case your situation changes in the future (such as someone new coming into your life when you're not looking for anyone). In the meantime, I encourage you to do lots of reading and posting on Polyamory.com; let us know whenever questions arise for you. We'll try to help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
If your bf of 10 years just NOW told you he is poly, neither of you should be dating yet. I am sure this came as a shock and is upsetting. We call it "dropping the poly bomb."
I recommend you ask him to pull back from dating and work on what being in an open or polyamorous relationship means, and what the best practices are. You can certainly read threads here that pique your interest, or do a search of terms that particularly concern you. But I think the best thing to do first is to read the book Opening Up, and/or start downloading the podcast Multiamory. Most successful formerly mono couples do at least one YEAR of research before just diving into dating.
When my ex h and I decided to open many years ago, only one book on modern polyamory was out, The Ethical Slut. So I read that, but frankly it wasn't very helpful. We opened our relationship just a few months after discussing it, and it was a disaster. Don't do that. Get prepared.
I don't know who told you to start dating, but it sounds like you aren't ready. Maybe you think it will prevent jealousy. But it won't if he's really into his new dating partner, and you're just finding boring or rude or otherwise unpleasant people to date, so far.
Btw, there is always the chance your bf doesn't understand polyamory, and is just using it as a "cool" term for getting another partner lined up before he breaks up with you. Could that be the case, or are you and bf doing really well, other than him wanting to be open? Is he dating you, reassuring you, keeping up with household chores, giving you good sex (if you like that), etc.? Or is he so infatuated with his new person that he's neglecting all his responsibilities?