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Clqalex

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My wife and I have been married strickly for 12 years have 3 kids.

Recently, my wife asked if I'd be open to having a third either male or female. Granted, I have always wanted to try this but had no idea of where to begin to bring it up.

Doing a lot of research stumbled here. Where did others start. I don't know but assuming things go well I'd like it long term. I word weird hours she is more stable. I am not a jealous person she has male and female friends she talks too routinely.

The wife used to be or still is bi before marriage she told me she still is up for female or male companionship, she has been my only relationship I was raised in religious upbringing only reason for only having only one.

I am totally up for either I have no preference for either male or female third.

How did others start?
 
It may be a bit difficult finding someone who likes both of you. Often feelings and sex develop differently between each person in the couple and a third, and this can cause tension. Have you considered you each find someone else and don't expect that person to have a relationship with your spouse?

If you really are only interested in dating together, good luck, you are one of very many couples with that ideal, and there really aren't that many single people who want to date a couple. Not enough for everyone. You're going to have to stand out from the crowd. Honestly, it's probably better if you just meet people in the circles you already run in, the social hobbies you have. Or get a new social hobby. Flirt with people a little and make it known you're available. I know online dating is super common these days, but it often results in multiple rejections and becoming jaded. Go connect with people in person and see who catches your eye.
 
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Recently, my wife asked if I'd be open to having a third either male or female. Granted, I have always wanted to try this but had no idea of where to begin to bring it up.
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Are you talking about sharing a threesome? Group sex? Because that's not a requirement in polyamory.

People who might be up for casual sex like a one time threesome? Might not necessarily be compatible for becoming a regular sex play partner or FWB. They also might not be compatible with becoming poly partners where you share both romance and sex with them.

If you are seeking long term poly partners, perhaps it's better for each of you to date separately? Rather than trying to date together with the goal of "sharing" a BF or GF?

Might not care or matter if the goal is a one time casual sex threesome thing. And you aren't gonna see the person again after the one time thing.

But if it's for long term poly dating, you probably don't want to end up in a situation were one partner of the 3 is just "going through the motions" with one of the triad people just to keep access to the other one. Like they aren't all that into them but going along with it anyway so they can keep dating the other one. That's not a good feeling.

Galagirl
 
Hello Clqalex,

Mine started "by accident," I simply had a married friend, the two of us found at some point that we had fallen in love with each other, she did research to discover polyamory, which she then talked to her husband about, and about a year later, he agreed to go poly. We are now an MFM V, and have little to no interest in finding any additional partners.

Your situation is a little bit different than mine, in that you want to intentionally look for someone to add as a third. You could sign up for a dating website and if you're interested, I could post a list of possible sites. Let me know. I have to say, though, that there aren't any great sites at this time, you are better off making friends in person, then waiting very patiently for this friend or that friend to become something more than a friend. Or for this friend or that friend to refer you to someone they know is looking. If you want, you can look for a local poly group, and start attending their events. Depending on which groups are actually holding live events with the Covid situation being what it is. Google "Chandler polyamory," "Phoenix polyamory," and/or "Arizona polyamory," and see what turns up. Also your chances of finding poly-friendly people are relatively good at anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, BDSM, or any small fringe group.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
What sites would you recommend. Their are a lot out there hard to figure what are spam and legit. Not experienced in that.
 
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