Continued from previous post:
So, in the morning before Pixi was up, my Facebook happy birthdays were pouring in, like they do.
Finally I got a text from Punk, who hadn't sent a message on FB. He wished me happy birthday. Then I told him I remembered he'd wanted to come visit me and Pixi again soon, but Pixi has been busy resting up and getting caught up at home on chores and stuff, before heading back to camp again this Friday.
Then... well I finally told him I knew he wanted to be friends and see each other regularly again, but what about restarting as FWBs again. Any interest?
He said, no. He said, he's a lonely guy. He has 3 other friends, but would like to remain friends with me and Pixi and my son as well.
I was feeling brave enough to tell him what was on my heart. I think maybe the good date with New Guy gave me courage somehow
. I told Punk I hadn't really had time to grieve the end of our relationship as lovers, since I had to leave him alone to grieve his mother's death, and then, I got the cancer and was out of commission socially and sexually for a long time.
So, talking about it, I got all emotional, teary eyed. I said, I've told you I love you, and that hasn't changed. You're smart, fun, entertaining, and sexy af.
I don't understand how his desire for me died overnight, but even if I can't understand it, I have to accept it. I guess it has something to do with how much his mother mistreated him, overstepped his boundaries (and he let her because, codependent). Now he has to keep himself kind of... contained? He'd told me on our walk recently that he doesn't even like his cat to sit on his lap!
I asked if he has any sex drive and he said, meh. Masturbation takes care of what there is of that.
So... we wrapped it up soon after that, kind of prematurely, since I had to get ready to go out. But I am glad I told him. I don't know where we will go from here... Can I learn to let my desire go, get it to fade somehow, and just be platonic friends, as he wants? I have no idea. It feels kind of humiliating to have been rejected as a lover. And now there's still desire on my side, none on his. It's unbalanced.
If I get something going with new guy, or someone else, and am getting enough boy sex, will that help my desire for Punk fade? Maybe?