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[Magdlyn]

Well things are shitty around here.

My latest issue: Science Guy. We had our nice 2nd date, making out, sexual tension galore, but we tamped it down enough to watch the new Rocky Horror together. Which is rather sexy. I felt like it was a bonding date though. We talked of the history of Abrahamic religions over dinner, which as you know is a passion of mine, and he was quite well informed. I was impressed. We talked of many other things as well. We joked and laughed and kissed, etc. Also I asked him to show me his tattoos before he left, as I'd seen his sleeve tats on his okc profile and was curious. He obligingly took off his fleece and his tshirt and showed me his large beautiful back piece as well.

He also texted me when he got home to say he had a great time tonight, and thanks.

Anyway, it seemed like a very nice 2nd date despite both of us wanting to fuck and we couldn't. No big deal for a couple of grown ass adults, I would think. It's not like he's a green super horny 21 year old kid with tunnel vision for one thing only. He's 40 years old!

Or so I thought...

So I messaged him on Monday, hi how you doing? No immediate reply, so I then said, maybe we should have a little sex safety chat when you get a moment, since we are headed that way.

Radio silence all that day, all yesterday.

I was up early today and went to look at our message thread on OKC. I saw his profile pic was gone, and then I saw "Science Guy no longer has an account." !!!

What the everloving fuck? He has either blocked me or taken down his account, and meanwhile won't respond to my texts.

I messaged my Dutch friend J (the nice lady who set Pixi and me up almost 8 years ago. She still likes to be updated on my love life) to see if she can see his profile. I had just told her all about him yesterday and linked her to his profile, which was still up then. She signed on to OKC as soon as I sent the message, but I haven't heard back from her yet, as to whether she can see his profile (proving he has just blocked me, and not closed his account).

sigh... I'll see what she says, and then text him to ask. If he just ghosts on me, I am well rid of him, I guess. But he seemed so nice and so into me! Dammit!

 

[Magdlyn]

Dutch friend has gotten back to me. She can't see his profile either. So he has either closed his account or has blocked both of us (since she looked at his profile yesterday after I went to it to copy his address for her). But he has no idea she and I are friends.

So now what do I do? Message him and ask? Keep waiting?

Oh yeah, I forgot to say that on Sunday morning, the day after our date, I texted him 2 face pix of myself, and asked him to send me one of himself. (I like to add a face pic to my contacts, and I wanted to send it to my sister and Bee, who know about our first couple dates.)

So he immediately sent me a cute one of him in his car with his little dog on his lap, saying This is the best one I can find on short notice. I thanked him and told him he was handsome. He didn't say anything else. And that afternoon or night he had the date w the other young woman.

I know he's a workaholic and I might be getting the wrong impression if he's just busy, but since he was texting me so much the previous 2 weeks, I just feel like this is the end.

A blow to my already shaky self confidence around dating! FML.

 

[opalescent]

How disappointing! It's worse when one goes on a date that goes well, and then squat. I've had that happen too. It's unpleasant.

But it almost certainly has nothing to do with you, Mags. He's probably got something going on in his life that caused the blocking/closed account.

That's what I try to remember when this kind of thing happens - not about me at all. I'm still desirable. They just got shit going on.

 

[Magdlyn]

How disappointing! It's worse when one goes on a date that goes well, and then squat. I've had that happen too. It's unpleasant.

But it almost certainly has nothing to do with you, Mags. He's probably got something going on in his life that caused the blocking/closed account.

Well, either it's me, or something more pressing other than me, like work, or the new girl. I just hate not knowing!

That's what I try to remember when this kind of thing happens - not about me at all. I'm still desirable. They just got shit going on.

Yeah, but what? Radio silence is so maddening.

So I went ahead and texted him. I chatted with my sister and she said, The Mags I know would text him and find out what is going on. So I just said,"Hi [his name], I saw you took down your OKC account. Is everything OK? Are we good?"

After all, I need to know. I have my daughter coming here on Friday with her family. I have 2 events I could go to on Saturday, and was planning on skipping both of them to save energy for Science Guy on our planned Sunday date, since I need to pace myself while my energy reserves are still so low. If he cancels, I can go to at least one of the Saturday events, which of course will be a nice distraction if I am getting dumped!

I am holding out hope he will be in touch and all is well. But I can't help but be cynical, after having been disappointed in so many relationships already.

Stay tuned...

 

[Magdlyn]

8 days since my last post. A lot has happened. Mostly the annoying health problems. But as far as Science Guy (for those who are waiting to hear with bated breath ):

A few hours after I had texted him, he did get back to me really briefly. As Opal suggested, it was him, not me. If he was being honest. First, he apologised for leaving me hanging. Then he said he thought I was a great and genuine person, but he was, "having impulse control issues, and was acting on them, and needed to stay away from people and things for now."

I didn't ask for more information. I really don't need a fucked up person in my life right now, no matter how fun he might be in other ways. Maybe it's alcohol. He had mentioned drinking heavily in the past. Maybe it's sexual. He had mentioned wanting to "jump me," at the end of our first date because he was feeling "uber horny." Although he seemed perfectly in control on our 2nd date... so I don't know.

Hell, for all I know he really liked the girl he saw the day after our second date, and he's just lying to me to be mono with her. Who knows. I don't have energy for it. He doesn't want me. It's over. Disappointing but whatever.

So, what else? I had my family over last week and it was a lot of fun. My daughter, her 2 daughters and her husband came, Pixi and daughter made food, we played and talked and all that. Very pleasant.

I don't remember the weekend too well... Pixi went to her bf's Saturday night. Whatever. Monday was my first chemo session. Dealing with all that has been my main focus for days. The actual session in the hospital went OK. Pixi stayed for a couple hours, then left to go do stuff at home, walk the dog etc. I sat there hooked up in a sort of private booth/room. My nurse was nice. It took 5 hours. I had 2 pre meds, Benadryl (in case my body fights the meds by producing histamines), and a steroid (for anti nausea). Then I had the 2 actual meds introduced into the IV, one after the other.

Meanwhile I had sandwiches with Pixi. She went to the cafe and got herself one, I got one included with my treatment. After she left, I read, I dosed about 15 mins (the Benadryl made me sleepy/loopy), finally I took my IV pole and walked around the halls a while, since the recliner I was in wasn't super comfortable. Finally the nice nurse came and unhooked me, I picked up my meds, Pixi came and picked me up.

I saw several women with terrible hair. Instead of keeping it super short, it was like 2 inches long and and all patchy. Yuck. Like a half plucked chicken. It made me more determined than ever to cut all mine real close when the time comes. I will see if I can retain a little fringey bang in the front, and dye it a bright color, pink, later blue or purple. I also want to get a wig and style it 1940s rockabilly style. It will be winter and I will need "hair" for warmth. So that's my plan anyway.

I've kept the nausea at bay with the meds I've been given. The rest of Monday (Halloween) I felt pretty normal, so handing out candy to trick or treaters went fine.

Tuesday and yesterday have been more challenging. Appetite has been off a little. I smoked a little weed both nights and that seemed to make me able to have dinner though. I've felt very tired and/or sleepy. It's odd going into this and only having a general idea what to expect. Everyone reacts differently. For me it's like taking a recreational drug for the first time, a hallucinogen like acid or ecstasy. Each feeling you start to get, you go, is this the drug acting on me? Will it get more intense? Am I imagining it? Etc.

So, now it's Thursday and I should start feeling better. I am supposed to keep taking the anti nausea drug 3x a day for the rest of the day, then I should be OK. I hope my energy levels pick back up too. I have managed to do laundry and whatnot despite it all.

Yesterday I even texted Punk. Don't know why. I guess I missed him a little. We hadn't been in touch since August. It sounds like my life has been better than his, despite my cancer stuff. After all, I have Pixi, I have my own house, I have family, my friend Bee came to see me, I've been doing my hobbies, I have sex. He is just "drifting."

We must not have talked since before I had my diagnosis and then the hysterectomy. He seemed totally shocked about all that. Probably so up in his own head he never even thought to wonder where all my symptoms and dr visits were leading. So he was sympathetic about my surgery and shocked to hear I need chemo.

He doesn't have much going on. It's sad, he is so attractive and smart. But he has mental illness. He doesn't seem to be doing much but sitting at home with his cat. He is on track to get SS and food stamps, just waiting for the red tape to be gotten through. At least he has a place to stay, living with his dad. But having some extra money should help. He didn't feel he fit in at that Clubhouse place, so he quit. He is not doing woodworking. So odd, as he was constantly doing that before his mom died... Oh well, I enjoyed updating him on my life. Makes me feel lucky my health issue is physical and temporary.

On the sex front, I've been focusing on Pixi, since dating men is hard or nearly impossible right now. Our sex has actually been pretty good. She's been warm and enthusiastic. 2 days ago was 6 weeks since surgery so we did penetration yesterday. Finally! Hallelujah. I did fine, no bleeding or pain. Well, no pain in the vag. My fucking muscles are out of shape, so I had some pain in my hips last night. Gotta do more and get back to normal, heh.

 

[PinkPig]

Hugs, Magdlyn. I really, really hope the nausea and fatigue are much improved or gone today! I'm glad you had a good visit with your grandbabies and that things are going so well with Pixi....You've had such a rough time of it lately, you definitely deserve some happiness and peace. I think you will rock pink bangs (& a 40s style wig )

As for Science Guy, totally his loss! It sounds like Punk's mother's death really threw him for a loop.... Maybe the universe was taking care of you there...with your health issues, you do not need someone else to take care of.

Sending lots of good energy and positive thoughts your way. Here's to a better day

 

[Magdlyn]

Thanks for the support, PinkPig!

The pain in my hips must have not just been from sex. The last 2 days, Wed and Thursday, I had pinchy sharp pains from my right hip, to the knee, the butt and even to my ankle. I think it must have been the nerve damage from the surgery finally starting to heal. My upper thigh has been numb for 6 weeks. So this must be synapses refiring finally. It sucked... I could barely sleep for 2 nights, despite taking painkillers. I think it's finally improving today though. I feel less numbness, and the pain has gone to a dull ache.

I had a little energy return too, and appetite is coming back. I went out shopping just now, even, first time driving since Monday. A little thrifting for fun, and got groceries. But now I need a nap.

My ex and his gf are going to stop by for a visit tomorrow. They are bringing my son, who will stay for the weekend. I haven't seen him since his birthday in July. So, looking forward to that.

 

[Magdlyn]

The day after I wrote the above, the body pain came back, with a vengeance. It changed from a twangy pinchy pain to a knife-like slicing pain, in my hips, ass, all down my legs. God, it hurt. I looked up body aches and chemo and it's a side effect! It's called myalgia. I was crying with the pain.

My ex and his gf and our son arrived around 4, and luckily just around then the pain was subsiding (and hasn't come back). But I was not at my best for their visit. I was drained and spent and hadn't showered or dressed. But they were so kind. My ex is a nice guy in many ways (there's a reason I stuck it out with him for 30 years). He brought me a massive amount of flowers to arrange myself (I used to work as a florist so I enjoy that). Deep reddish rust lilies, white alstromeria, yellow snapdragons, babies breath and bear grass. His gf brought a cherry pie and cider from the orchard she works at. So nice of them!

They stayed and chatted for about an hour and a half. My ex was glad to see I still have my sense of humor despite it all. Also, he had found out Pixi had recently restrung her Ashiko drum and he's going to have her rehead and restring at least one of his Djembes.

My son will stay til Thursday, though he did go home today to vote. He'll be back later. He's been fun. Playing his guitar for me, making me laugh, cuddling sometimes. Doing some jobs around the house. Entertaining poor Pixi who has been working so hard to care for me.

Lately my stomach and gut have been my main issue, followed by a sore mouth. I've been taking the extra anti nausea med I was given, and even though the feeling is more like an acidic burning, and not nausea, it helps. It even seems to help the interior of my mouth!

Yesterday however I had a pretty good day. I made it to the chiropractor, and got a blood test in that same building that I need before a followup visit with my dr's NP tomorrow. Then I had a nice refreshing nap. After that, Pixi and Son and I drove to a farm stand in the next town for apples and some veggies. Nice to get out in the gorgeous fall scenery. I love autumn woods!

Then after dinner (salmon, kale, rice and garlic bread), I managed to stay awake to watch DVRed Walking Dead. Seeing Daryl naked was a plus even though it was because he was being tortured. I had a romantic dream about him last night, haha! So, that's my poly news, slightly sexy dream about a celebrity.

 

[SNeacail]

Oh God - I've been gone so long, I just realized you were starting Chemo. Hugs!!!

I also want to get a wig and style it 1940s rockabilly style. It will be winter and I will need "hair" for warmth. So that's my plan anyway.

I love that style. A friend of mine is going through Chemo right now (33 yo with breast cancer ). The word I hear is don't plan on wearing the wigs for long periods as they can irritate the skin when there is no natural hair. Lots of pretty and fun scarves.

 

[Atlantis]

Naked Daryl. Oh yes

Sorry about the side effects of chemo, it sounds dreadful.

 

[Magdlyn]

Oh God - I've been gone so long, I just realized you were starting Chemo. Hugs!!!

Thanks.

I love that style. A friend of mine is going through Chemo right now (33 yo with breast cancer ). The word I hear is don't plan on wearing the wigs for long periods as they can irritate the skin when there is no natural hair. Lots of pretty and fun scarves.

Ugh, saying "pretty and fun scarves" turns my stomach. All scarves and hats say to me is: "Look at the cancer woman!" I know you meant well, and I appreciate it. But I don't want the look of a hat or scarf with no hair showing around the edges. I might get one of those "halo wigs" which don't cover the top of the head, but will show around the edges of my (puke) pretty hat or scarf.

But I still might also get a real wig, if only to keep my head warm in a Massachusetts winter. I asked my NP about your remark today and she said the itching is more a problem in summer.

Meanwhile I am getting behind the idea, slowly, of being the hot bald woman of Spork's dreams.

So, yeah, my appointment today. My bloodwork was fine. The NP had me tell her about how my 1st week post chemo went. I told her I had so many side effects right off the bat. We talked about meds and laxatives and whatnot. I told her how I had some tramadol left from my back pain and how that worked better than the oxycodone on my myalgia. Asked her for a prescription for more. She obligingly wrote one out. I still have my scrip for it from my GP... don't tell her. I just want to have plenty on hand. I am going to get a scrip for the "magic" or "miracle" mouthwash someone told me about, at my next chemo. It's for the mouth inflammation and sores. It's Benadryl, magnesium and lidocaine. I wonder if she would have offered it if I hadn't been informed and asked, ffs?

Oddly when I told her about the excruciating myalgia, she nodded and said I got it "right on schedule" on the 4th or 5th day post chemo infusion. It pisses me off no one told me about it beforehand! I was told I might have "bone pain" (which, I have no idea what that would feel like), but not joint/muscle/nerve pain! I was not told this in person or in the literature they gave me. As I recorded above, I got the myalgia, and the first day I thought it was sore muscles from fucking. The next day I thought it was my numb groin/thigh nerves reconnecting. It wasn't until the 3rd day, when the pain got so terrible, to the point where I was keening like a dog left out in a cold rain for hours, I finally got desperate enough to google it and found out it was also a common side effect of the fucking chemo! Sheesh!

In a similar vein, I remember reading information from them following up my hysterectomy. This told me to make sure and get dressed every day, and to walk every day too. It optimistically said, if I was tired the day after a walk, walk a little less. HA! I tried to walk around my block a few days post op, and realised I was going to be half dead by the time I got home. I was alone, and had the dog, and I was having to stop every few yards to lean on a tree or pole to rest, and I was crying/screaming from the pain before I got home. What the hell, people? I've been afraid to walk alone since. I do walk, at my Savers thrift store, leaning on a shopping cart, or likewise at the grocery store. I've managed to walk around the block on 2 occasions OK. I am JUST now thinking I am healed enough to walk unassisted at the park for a mile and a half or so, as long as Pixi is with me for support... and it's been 7 weeks since I had the hysterectomy.

The major scab on my biggest incision just finally fell off 2 days ago. It reformed a smaller scab. The NP said, "OH!" when she saw it today. The skin is pretty red all around the scab part. It was never infected but it's definitely ugly. This was where the camera went in. The other 4 incisions healed over into tiny red lines weeks ago.

So, all that said, I have been gradually feeling better and better since Saturday night. My energy is returning. Remember, I am healing from major abdominal surgery as well as being poisoned with chemicals. Everytime I feel guilty for spending a day in PJs and lounging around barely doing anything, I remind myself of those 2 facts, plus the fact I am 61 fucking years old.

If I've been cussing a lot in this post, it's partly due to Trump. Been so hard to be ill AND have this disgusting election cycle and result. Almost too much to bear.

Similar to Spork's views, I sometimes feel death seems like a sweet release to contemplate.

 

[Spork]

Thanks.

Ugh, saying "pretty and fun scarves" turns my stomach. All scarves and hats say to me is: "Look at the cancer woman!" I know you meant well, and I appreciate it. But I don't want the look of a hat or scarf with no hair showing around the edges. I might get one of those "halo wigs" which don't cover the top of the head, but will show around the edges of my (puke) pretty hat or scarf.

Well, you like what you like. I like "pretty and fun scarves" but it also amuses me to contemplate that none of the normals around me are aware that I probably also use them for bondage...

But I still might also get a real wig, if only to keep my head warm in a Massachusetts winter. I asked my NP about your remark today and she said the itching is more a problem in summer.

Meanwhile I am getting behind the idea, slowly, of being the hot bald woman of Spork's dreams.

I was definitely having dreamy feelings watching Doctor Strange a couple of nights ago. But mostly because she reminded me of Saskia, the lady in Denver I have mentioned. In fact I think Saskia is more attractive, but that's because she has a more generous figure and more expressive face. Also the sapiophile part of me is engaged in Sas, rather than some actress I don't know...certainly a factor.

Oh, I grinned at the above sentence. And it is important to me, to thank anyone who makes me smile right now, because damn do I ever need it...so THANK YOU!

So, yeah, my appointment today. My bloodwork was fine. The NP had me tell her about how my 1st week post chemo went. I told her I had so many side effects right off the bat. We talked about meds and laxatives and whatnot. I told her how I had some tramadol left from my back pain and how that worked better than the oxycodone on my myalgia. Asked her for a prescription for more. She obligingly wrote one out. I still have my scrip for it from my GP... don't tell her. I just want to have plenty on hand. I am going to get a scrip for the "magic" or "miracle" mouthwash someone told me about, at my next chemo. It's for the mouth inflammation and sores. It's Benadryl, magnesium and lidocaine. I wonder if she would have offered it if I hadn't been informed and asked, ffs?

Oddly when I told her about the excruciating myalgia, she nodded and said I got it "right on schedule" on the 4th or 5th day post chemo infusion. It pisses me off no one told me about it beforehand! I was told I might have "bone pain" (which, I have no idea what that would feel like), but not joint/muscle/nerve pain! I was not told this in person or in the literature they gave me. As I recorded above, I got the myalgia, and the first day I thought it was sore muscles from fucking. The next day I thought it was my numb groin/thigh nerves reconnecting. It wasn't until the 3rd day, when the pain got so terrible, to the point where I was keening like a dog left out in a cold rain for hours, I finally got desperate enough to google it and found out it was also a common side effect of the fucking chemo! Sheesh!

In a similar vein, I remember reading information from them following up my hysterectomy. This told me to make sure and get dressed every day, and to walk every day too. It optimistically said, if I was tired the day after a walk, walk a little less. HA! I tried to walk around my block a few days post op, and realised I was going to be half dead by the time I got home. I was alone, and had the dog, and I was having to stop every few yards to lean on a tree or pole to rest, and I was crying/screaming from the pain before I got home. What the hell, people? I've been afraid to walk alone since. I do walk, at my Savers thrift store, leaning on a shopping cart, or likewise at the grocery store. I've managed to walk around the block on 2 occasions OK. I am JUST now thinking I am healed enough to walk unassisted at the park for a mile and a half or so, as long as Pixi is with me for support... and it's been 7 weeks since I had the hysterectomy.

The major scab on my biggest incision just finally fell off 2 days ago. It reformed a smaller scab. The NP said, "OH!" when she saw it today. The skin is pretty red all around the scab part. It was never infected but it's definitely ugly. This was where the camera went in. The other 4 incisions healed over into tiny red lines weeks ago.

So, all that said, I have been gradually feeling better and better since Saturday night. My energy is returning. Remember, I am healing from major abdominal surgery as well as being poisoned with chemicals. Everytime I feel guilty for spending a day in PJs and lounging around barely doing anything, I remind myself of those 2 facts, plus the fact I am 61 fucking years old.

If I've been cussing a lot in this post, it's partly due to Trump. Been so hard to be ill AND have this disgusting election cycle and result. Almost too much to bear.

Similar to Spork's views, I sometimes feel death seems like a sweet release to contemplate.

Had a general effect freakout, anxiety, panic attack, whatever we want to call it, yesterday. Canada's citizenship and immigration website was overloaded and crashed yesterday too, not very surprising. I got pretty much calm, got to that point of...ok, well...what am I able to do about this? Not much. Best get on with my day. And poor Zen was so worried and nervous, he read my post when I was still flipping out a bit, and he reached out to reassure me and make sure we were ok.

I can not remotely imagine coping with this news while also going through chemo. All I can say is, when things seem so overwhelmingly awful, I just step outside the door and I'm like "OK, I am breathing the air. The sun is still in the sky. I am still here, my heart is still beating right now." What are we gonna do?? Live. That's what. Just live. It's all anybody is asking of us in this moment.

Regarding wigs and things...
While I do think that bald women are stunning, I could really see myself embracing having a reason to wear fun wigs and experiment with styles, and yes, I'd be playing around with hats and scarves, too. I'd try to have fun with it. But I'm not very attached to the concept of beauty being simply a paragon of normalcy though... So if you can find a way to have fun with at least one aspect of this experience, I say do it. You're not going to feel well and that is bad enough.

*hugs* You're awesome, Magdlyn. To quote a guy I used to watch on the show, Red Green, "I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together."

 

[Magdlyn]

Thanks, Spork!

I don't dislike hats and scarves, per se. In fact, before my herniated discs and cancer stuff, earlier this summer, I was playing around a lot with rockabilly looks in my own hair, and makeup. I was tying scarves into my curled and rolled hair. It looked awesome. It's just the "bald with scarf or hat" look that gives me the heebie jeebies.

Meh, I'll adapt. I'm very adaptable and flexible.

Oh, I keep meaning to mention this one guy I was dating a bit at the end of the summer. Now I forget his nickname. I'll have to go back and look.

Anyway, he and I dated a few times 7 years ago, and then he got back in touch this summer, and he is a better match for me sexually now, and was always a nice guy. He has stomach cancer and was undergoing chemo when I saw him this year. We had 3 dates.

So, his landlord sold his building and he had to get out in a month! In the midst of chemo! Ugh. What a nightmare. He's very stoic however. And a friend of his invited him to come stay with her in Ohio until her job there is done and she moves back to the Boston area. I think they maybe used to date but now are friends.The plan is for them to come back in December and get a place together.

So he and I have been texting since he moved to Ohio a couple months ago. He also sends me cute pix of himself (NOT dick pix) and his 2 kitties. He told me he had all the same symptoms I had. Although when he was going through it here, all he admitted to was fatigue.

He apologised to me for the election and said he was sorry he had a penis. I said, It's OK, I like your penis.

Today I am feeling so well, I could almost imagine seeing him again and doing kink and sex. That makes me happy. I think he needs another chemo series though. I hope we can coordinate it so we are both feeling OK at the same time, and can get together.

 

[Reverie]

Mags, you crossed my mind and I wanted to let you know that even though I'm not going to be around here much in the near future, I'm thinking of you and sending you well-wishes. <3

 

[YouAreHere]

Haven't been on the board much lately, but definitely wanted to check in. Big hugs, but I'm glad you have someone to talk to in Ohio Guy. Any guy who sends pics of himself with cats is faboo in my book.

 

[Magdlyn]

Mags, you crossed my mind and I wanted to let you know that even though I'm not going to be around here much in the near future, I'm thinking of you and sending you well-wishes. <3

Haven't been on the board much lately, but definitely wanted to check in. Big hugs, but I'm glad you have someone to talk to in Ohio Guy. Any guy who sends pics of himself with cats is faboo in my book.

Thanks, friends!

Nothing much exciting going on here, as usual. I had my 2nd chemo treatment one week ago. So I was suffering pretty badly for a week, and through Thanksgiving. I felt wonky in the head even, last Tuesday and Wednesday. I have needed to be careful walking around the house and down stairs. Kinda feeling clumsy.

Luckily my anti nausea meds and weed allowed me to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. Pixi and Son and our usual Thanksgiving guest, Athelete, did almost all the cooking. I made my special cranberry recipe on Monday after chemo, when the steroids in the IV made me jacked up and energetic. On the actual day, I just needed to supervise Son making the stuffing a bit. In the afternoon I napped. I got up for dinner, socialised a bit, then went back to bed.

On Friday, the myalgia kicked in... body pains that are rather piercing. Lotta tramadol and ibuprofen for that. Then the mouth soreness happened, which isn't too bed. I got that "miracle mouthwash" with lidocaine, and it works well.

I went back in my blog and saw I was calling my "bf" Steve. We chat from time to time. It's nice. He says nice affectionate appreciative things, and he's funny and cute. He is longing for me, and that's nice. He says he won't be back in MA until late Dec or early January. I'll still be under the weather then, but looking forward to recovering from the chemo in Feb and actually living poly again!

An intelligent artistic man in his 50s has started messaging me on OKC. He is in a relationship with a woman, and they opened it a year ago, after having been together 3 years at that point. From what he says, it is going well. He's nice to talk to. Maybe I will meet him one of these days. I dunno if I am super attracted to him... we haven't been sexual in chat yet. But it would be nice to meet another poly person and see how they are doing it, just out of curiosity.

I am too sick to do much decorating for Xmas/Yule. But Pixi and Son have been working on it for me! I thrifted several old school blow molds this year, and they have set them all up outside and I am so excited at the kitsch fabulousness! I appreciate their help so much.

 

[Magdlyn]

Oh yeah, forgot to mention, in the week preceding my 2nd chemo session, my hair started to fall out major big time. I had an appointment for the Thursday to go get a haircut at my usual salon, so I had like 3 days of a mess of hair falling out constantly.

In the week before that, 2 of my local Pyrex collector gfs told me they would love to come to my haircut and throw a little party for me. I'd planned to bring Pixi and have her take pix. But it was even more fun with a small group. My stylist was a great sport too. My friends brought wine, and delicious snacks (in Pyrex, natch!), and packed a Pyrex casserole full of gifts for me. Anti nausea candies, licorice, ginger chews, peppermint sticks, Good N Plenty, and a towel and garden flag purchased from a cancer charity, and 2 adult coloring books and colored pencils. They were all real upbeat at the party, telling hilarious stories and joking and hugging me. It made a somewhat scary proposition easy and effortless. I brought along a scarf and a free wig I got from a wig lady in town. She gets donated ones and passes them on to chemo patients through the auspices of the Amer Cancer Society. So I modeled my vintage scarf tied Rosie the Riveter style, and the wig, for Pixi and my friends.

Also, my friend Bee sent me a super lovely hat with matching fingerless gloves. She found them at her church's craft sale. They are made from repurposed cashmere sweaters! Such a nice style too, and very comfy, soft, light and warm. The hat is green with a big hot pink rose medallion on the side, and the gloves match, with the rose on top of the hand.

www.coloringblackrock.com is the company.

 

[Hannahfluke]

Those gloves and hats are so pretty.

 

[Magdlyn]

The artistic 50something guy-- I have a 4pm drinks type date set up with him for tomorrow, Tuesday. He works for a school district a few towns over. Not sure if he is a teacher or admin or what. We haven't chatted all that much. He is into many of my interests so I think things will go well.

Last week, also, 2 other men who seemed likely prospects contacted me. The guy that messaged me on Fetlife is quite local. He seemed OK at first. He spelled words correctly and had proper grammar. Good start. He also had a fantastic cock (as per the pix on his profile). I am partial to a larger than average uncircumcised penis, and his was a magnificent specimen. However, as we talked, he was coming on too strong, pushing me to do cybersex, and wanting me to call him "Sir" and beg for this or that. I had to tell him a date was not gonna happen. So to answer the OKC question: would you date someone merely because they were well endowed? My answer is a resounding NO.

The last, but not least guy, lives in a neighboring state. He is 31, and works in the forestry/nature research science field. He is actually very busy and works 3 part time jobs since his nature job is entry level so far and doesn't pay the bills. Therefore, he has no time for a serious gf. And that is where he sees me come in. He is so nice! Very smart, very funny, seems quite sincere. And so easy to talk to. The conversation just flows. He seems to be open for like 2 dates a month. That should be OK for me, for now.

We are meeting today at noon for lunch in my town. I am looking forward to meeting both these guys. I hope my energy holds up!

 

[Magdlyn]

Since the date with the naturalist went well, he gets a nickname. Nature.

He arrived at the pub right on time. He was supposed to have arrived at noon, but we had a snowfall so we changed the plan to meet at 2 instead. We had a nice lunch and good talks. I went ahead and invited him back to my place. He is so busy with all his jobs and drove 1 hr 45 mins to see me, and since I liked him, I wanted him to come over. I wasn't sure about going for The Sex quite yet.

But he was so friendly and nice and he also really appreciated my interior designs. Currently 1950s Christmas (kitschmas) is vomited all over my living room. He was looking around saying he could sit there for days to just appreciate everything. So I took him downstairs to where my main collection is stored and he went all around and made nice comments. Pixi was down there too, and so they met.

We came back upstairs and started talking a little about BDSM. Things he'd learned from an ex, etc. He admitted he was getting turned on, and I already knew from chatting him previously that he's very attracted to me. And me? I haven't had sex with a man since Punk in July (besides that makeout session with my last guy, who bailed on me after 2 dates). So far, Nature seemed very respectful and balanced and self aware, honest, etc., so I felt inclined to go ahead and have The Sex with him. So we did.

It was enjoyable, for a first fuck. Maybe a little too vanilla, though he did spank me a little during doggy style. He was passionate. He even gave me a back massage after The Sex, which was so sweet. He didn't stay long after, but it was 4:30 and he had his almost 2 hr drive home in the dark, and I was worn out, so we parted.

After he left, I went downstairs and hung out with Pixi for a while, but then I started getting SO cold. It was 70 in the house, but I was shivering despite warm clothes and a blanket. I don't know if I got overtired from lunch and then sex, or what, but I had to go to bed. I'd only slept til 4am that morning. So I went to bed, woke after an hour still cold, took some ibuprofen and got 2 more hours sleep. I was achey when I got up, maybe from sex, maybe from being stiff and tense with the cold feelings. But I rallied and managed to go downstairs for TV, and finally ate something too and felt OK to stay up with Pixi til about midnight.

My phone broke like 2 weeks ago. It took time for Pixi to determine it seems to have a boot loop bug, common to my phone's model. I'm so unwell I havent felt up to getting to the phone store at the local mall to get a replacement. But we are going to go today. So hard living without my phone and the camera! So we will go do that early afternoon, and then I have my drinks date with the 50something guy at 4.