This venture becomes more problematic. First, I have to come to terms with myself to actually attempt this. Then, there is the issue of viable partner/s that hopefully don't lead to emotional attachments. I am going to discuss this with my wife and hopefully she will rethink her views. Still leaves me with the abstinence problem, but better the devil I know, I guess...
Hi. I am very sorry your libido and your wife's no longer match up. This is an incredibly common problem in long-term relationships, sadly. It's really a lot to expect to have our libidos match up over many years/decades, due to emotional changes, hormonal changes (pregnancy, lactation, menopause, "manopause"/erectile disfunction), children using up one's energy, illnesses, medications, etc.
I just wanted to point out that this is a discussion forum for
polyamory. This word polyamory means "many loves," not "multiple sex partners" or "cheating affairs." Included in the definition is the idea that multiple love partners are consented to by all people involved. That is, your wife would consent to you falling in love with, or at least being fond of, your other dating partners, and she'd know you were dating this other person or people. Likewise, your newer dating partners would know you were married, in love with your wife, and not planning on leaving her for them.
Another part of polyamory is that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you were to be dating others, it would be fair for your wife to also date others, should she choose to do so.
Neither you nor your wife seem to be polyamorous (although you're just starting to look into opening your relationship, so it's probably too soon to tell, really). However, you're so sexually starved, you may be polySEXUAL. That is, you might want to have sex with multiple women, with a minimum of emotions involved. This would fall under the umbrella of "ethical non-monogamy," and be considered an "open relationship."
Or maybe you're monoamorous (in love with wife), but also monosexual... and only want to have sex with one other woman, just one other dating partner. You'd prefer to have sex with the woman you love, but failing that, you'd have sex with one other person who is not your wife.
I just thought it would help you to define where exactly you fall under this umbrella of considering having sex with women other than your wife, purely for sexual release.
It does seem like you could find a married woman who is in your boat, who loves her spouse, but has a higher libido than her spouse does, and just also wants sexual fulfillment. It's more likely to find people like this who are cheating. Poly-dating (ethical non-monogamy, where it's all above-board and no one is being deceptive) is relatively rare in our culture, unless you live in a progressive city or area. Even if you were not cheating yourself, it can feel icky or risky to be dating someone who is.
Maybe this whole idea of seeking others for sex seems overwhelming and fraught with difficulties. Sometimes when one partner loses their libido, but still cares enough about the other who is still interested in sex, you can work out something whereby your wife would aid you a bit while you masturbate, by at least letting you hold her while you take care of yourself, as long as you don't touch her breasts, ass or genitals.
Another option would be to make use of sex workers, either virtually or in the flesh. That way you don't run the risk of emotions being involved, as it's purely business.
