It's the difference between having polyamorous relationships and living the life and therefore seeing what actually occurs most often,
I wrote this in a thread about the reality of applying some of the Poly 101 rules and regulations to real life situations.
I want to expand on this bit.
We often say that one of the hallmarks of an "ethical triad" AKA "not unicorn hunting" is that there isn't an agreement for anyone to break up with a triad member just because the other has. There aren't 2 people in a "package deal".
I agree..to an extent. It shouldn't be a rule, but the reality is that if you break up with one half of a couple, it can be pretty awkward to carry on seeing the other. It's usual to have space from an ex and if their place was the hosting spot because of everyone's restrictions, then it's hard to develop a new routine.
Even with the best will in the world, if you break up with one half of the couple, it puts a dampenner on the other relationship
That's what occurs most of the time in my experience.
Especially if it has been a "bad break up".
This is the same for a vee situation where a highly entangled relationship is in trouble. Most of the time, the Hinge is going to redirect their energy towards fixing that relationship either because they genuinely want that relationship more, or they can't afford to lose it (money, kids, housing, etc).
One thing that polyamory teaches you is that there really are plenty of fish in the sea. When your marriage gets in trouble, it's true that diverting your attention away from your newer partner may result in their loss AND the impasse you're at with your spouse might result in divorce. But if at that point you Still think polyamory is the way to go, you already know that there are People out there who want it, too.
Polyamory can teach you that the end of the relationship isn't a failure. You see it as part of your journey.
Nobody has to make a rule. It's just what will happen most of the time. I think it's a waste of time trying to "legislate" against it with a Poly Code of Conduct.
Instead, find people who are in a good place to explore polyamory. That will come with mistakes because you'll pick some wrong'uns. But mistakes aren't tragedies.
You're not going to overcome the attachment and history couples have built up by trying to plead a human rights case.