Hi, I’ve been lurking here for a while now but just made a profile a few days ago. I’m 42 male, my wife and I have been together for 18 years, we have 2 young kids. She is bi and am not. I started letting her date girls only in hopes that it would help her depression and our marriage, IT DID! Although sometimes I feel strange about it and I come here to read the stories and it helps me.
In polyamory, we believe and practice that each partner in a relationship is equal. So while we might consent to polyamory, we don't "let" or "allow" our partner to date others. If they need it to be happy, we consent to it. Or, we do not, and then we consider breaking up, if couples therapy doesn't help.
Was she depressed because she really needed a female, as well as a male lover? She just wasn't able to be satisfied with one monogamous male lover (you)? It's great that you've agreed to her being her authentic self. So many people are bi, but hide it. I believe just as many men as women are bi, even though it doesn't seem that way. But there is much more stigma against male homosexuality, so it's even more repressed, or done behind closed doors as a dirty secret.
But your title indicates you are not sure you yourself are poly. It's OK if you're not. You are one person, with certain characteristics, and your wife is another unique person. Not everyone can be poly, or will be interested in practicing it. Some only have enough emotional bandwidth or sexual desire to give to one person.
Most poly people only have enough energy for 2 partners, 3 at most. Beyond that it gets tiring and confusing. We call that being poly-saturated. You could be saturated at one.
The entire story is long and I'm currently working on a "life story" post to fill in all the details. I understand it's not delicate grammar to say "let", it would be more accurate to say that I let her know I was ok with her seeing girls.
Greetings Rooster,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
I read your other thread (in the blog section), it really filled in the blanks as far as the fears and euphoria you have been experiencing. I would say there is some poly in you, you would be able to operate in a poly setting and well, you kind of already do. You just don't have an actual triad here, more like a V with Parallel Poly. I think you need some time to sort out your own needs and desires, hopefully you can keep posting, and the various members here can help. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
I'm glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
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