One Penis Size Policy

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FallenAngelina, sure. Happy to clarify. I was responding to OP from original #1 and from post #19.

JammyJam said:
I originally agreed to the stipulation without really thinking about the consequences because I wanted to be supportive. Unfortunately I don’t really know how to enforce such a ridiculous rule


JammyJam said:
I do not know what to do… I don’t even care about my arbitrary future lover’s penis, I just don’t want unfair restrictions placed on me.

JammyJam said:
When I step back and look at my situation, I have a supportive man that fights to understand me, and effortlessly agrees to adhere to my boundaries and limitations. I feel like since I don’t care at all about this issue, I’m not sacrificing anything, and I am tempted to agree to this boundary. Even though I think it’s stupid...

JammyJam seems torn on wanting to help/accommodate BF. So initially agreed. But on further reflection, now thinks the "dick size agreement" as stated is "stupid." Because how is it fair? And how would one even enforce something like that? So not exactly feeling happy about it. But tempted to agree anyway.

So I'm suggesting they keep talking some more and frame the updated agreement around the the actual fear. Which seems to be about BF being afraid to be treated bad by some new potential. If the frame the agreement around the actual bad behavior, then it's not on dick size.

Then BF can still feel safe that JammyJam isn't going to continue to date anyone who comes along and starts treating BF poorly.

And JammyJam is not signing up to be the "dick size monitor" which they find objectionable.

HTH!
Galagirl
 
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From a philosophical point of view:
You cannot know if you don't like big penises more in the end.
Every concession you make on that premise would be immoral.



So don't go down this road. The moral thing to do is to work with him through his jealousy.
 
So I'm suggesting they keep talking some more and frame the updated agreement around the the actual fear. Which seems to be about BF being afraid to be treated bad by some new potential.

Ah, OK, thanks. Yes, that is also what most of us have suggested, it seems - deal with the real issue, not with dick size. However, the last we heard from JamyJam, back on page 2, she seems to be going along with the smaller dick policy and leaving it at that:
...I’m not sacrificing anything, and I am tempted to agree to this boundary. Even though I think it’s stupid...

BTW, Jamy, in case you're still around: That's not a boundary, that's a rule. Boundaries are clarifications that we place on our own attitudes and behaviors. Boundaries define our values. Knowing and standing by our own boundaries is essential for healthy relationships. Most messes happen in relationships because the individuals either don't have boundaries or don't stand by the boundaries that they have. Rules are put in place to control other people's behavior. Rules place limits on other people. A guideline I use is that the weaker the boundaries in a relationship, the more rules are needed. People who have strong, clear boundaries and respect their own boundaries do not need many rules at all, if any. It's a basic relationship principle: The more you respect yourself, the more others respect you, as well. People with good, strong, clear boundaries who know and respect themselves generally do not run into others who challenge those values or drag them into messy situations. Relationships improve dramatically when we stop focusing on the behavior of others (rules) and instead primarily work our own values and our own boundaries.
 
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