My boyfriend says he doesn’t want a strong headed alpha coming into my life stirring up competition and emasculating him.
So what would you do if one of those showed up? Tell them to cut it out? Or end it with them?
Maybe letting BF know your plan would help him?
I tried asking him how he felt about not disclosing penis size and he said that is fine and he trusts me to respect our agreement.
He just trusts you, right?
And what would you do if the person you are dating IS bigger? You still dump the new dating partner?
Can the agreement be moved over to what he's a
ctually scared of? So you aren't put in a weird spot being the penis police?
Like instead of "I agree to dump anyone who has a bigger dick than you" it becomes "I agree to dump anyone who treats you disrespectfully or tries to emasculate you and stirs up competition?"
That seems closer to the main issue for him.
Part of me feels like we are reaching a new level of vulnerability in the relationship and it makes me happy how deeply we are getting to know one another.
Glad to hear it.
Maybe the Opening Up worksheet help you in these talks.
https://openingup.net/resources/free-downloads-from-opening-up/
I’m really conflicted. I know couples define rules when opening up relationships, and I have read about veto power too which is basically what we are considering. I want to have an open mind and recognize my boyfriends limitations are no better or worse than someone else’s, just uniquely his own.
I think "messy people list" happens before there's even people on the scene. Like I don't want DH to date my mother or sister or boss. People that are too weird or creates messy situations. In return, I would steer clear of his messy people list too. Making that kind of agreement feels better to me than a veto. Because there's plenty of people to date in the world without going right for the messy weird ones.
"Veto" happens AFTER a real person is involved. Dating someone for a while and then telling someone you have to dump them because
your other partner said to? That's not very nice. People shouldn't be treated like collateral damage. It's very couple privilege too.
When I step back and look at my situation, I have a supportive man that fights to understand me, and effortlessly agrees to adhere to my boundaries and limitations. I feel like since I don’t care at all about this issue, I’m not sacrificing anything, and I am tempted to agree to this boundary. Even though I think it’s stupid...
Then after thinking it over you just agree to it. And maybe you keep the "I think it is stupid" part to yourself.
But I'd encourage working out the language of the agreement to be what it
really is about for him. It's not the dick size. The dick size would just be the "last straw" for him by the sound of it.
He basically doesn't wanting some alpha male coming in here and stirring up competition or trying to emasculate him.
Maybe he wants your reassurance that you wouldn't be happy about that behavior either?
Maybe you could agree to something more like that so it works for him AND works for you so you don't have to be agreeing to things you think are stupid?
Galagirl