Our triangle

[alibabe_muse]

Haha...laughing at Alibabe's shock at 6 kids.... I knew a couple with 15...and they couldn't take care of them all and had respite babysitting.

Pregnancy fetish is truly vile. I wish they could be surrogates or something, at least that way they are helping others with their fetish instead of having children they are only half interested in.

My mom is 1 of 12 kids. Grandpa wanted boys and got mostly girls. Grandma died young so I have no clue if she really wanted that many.

I feel in today's world that many is hard on the kids.

 

[Natja]

Blimey....well you know even four is considered a big family in the UK. Americans seem to have more children on average I think.

 

[kdt26417]

Haha, in my philosophy, one child is a big family. Isn't it rather remarkable the amount of time and attention one child requires? and how much chaos a single child can generate? I just don't know how parents do it, period. They "cope," unfortunately, I guess is what we could say. I consider myself sooo lucky to be fixed and childless.

I have six siblings (Mormon family, gotta have a lot of kids, it's your duty, all those pre-mortal spirits that need bodies, etc.). One of my younger brothers and his wife have three (young) kids. He used to make fun of how out of control Utah is with its ever-exploding population. So why he himself decided to become part of the problem (two parents, three kids, result: increased population) is an utter mystery to me. All I know is that he is now overwhelmed with the job of parenting. He's not an "emotionally abundant" person, and not good at giving out lots of time and attention. Well, let me tell you, he has no choice in the matter now. Especially the two older kids, the daughters, lots of, well, fighting, competition, and drama between those two. Sooo ... my brother feels wiped out (and I have to assume his wife does too).

So there's the story of three kids. Now double that, and try to imagine six kids. And yeah, there are families with lots more kids than that. Gods, I just can't wrap my mind around it.

What happens if the parents are selfish? Well I think that kids are so demanding that the parents will be forced to make sacrifices, even if the kids have it even worse (for not being very loved and whatnot). Bad situation for the whole family, in other words.

I can't tell someone else how to live their life and expect them to obey. If they're happy (or think they're happy), and will continue to be happy (or think they'll continue to be happy), then I kind of feel like I can only say, "Good luck with that."

But yeah, I have to wonder if things aren't going to get just a little worse, each time a new Chinese child is born in this particular family. Oh we hope it's a made-up story, but with like seven billion people on the planet, who knows what some of those people might actually do? I hope it's not wrong of me to say that.

So, Jimmy ... can I advise some caution, or ...?

Stumped,
Kevin T.

 

[JaneQSmythe]

I'm one of three...so "adding" to the population - except if you look at it on a generational level.

Dad's sister had two, Dad's brother had none, mom's brother had 2, sister had 3, other sister none (not married). 7 in my parents generation + 4 additional spouses = 11 adults produced 10 kids.

For our generation - each of my sisters has 2 and MrS's sister has 2, Dude's sister has 3. We have none. 11 adults produced 9 kids.

During the course of my lifetime I have know of two families with 10+ kids. One of the kids was my age in college and I asked her about how that felt/worked. In her case, she didn't feel that any of them missed out on relationships with their parents - a lot of the day-to-day chores (bathing, feeding, homework) were handled by siblings and any time with parents was "one-on-one" special time or "big family" time. She said that the bonds between the older/younger siblings seemed a lot stronger than in smaller families and that she felt that having such a large support network that "had her back" in school, etc. was a bonus. (always someone to come to your aid). I imagine the experiences of others would be different. (For a glimpse into "big family" I would suggest Cheaper by the Dozen and related books.)

 

[kdt26417]

In a big family, where all the family members help each other out and bring each other joy ... hats off to the parents and to the kids as well. That's real dedication, it's love as strong as tungsten steel.

Now Utah needs more of your generational family groups. Too bad the situation is already out of control. The traffic is indescribable, the farms are all gone and it's one big suburb, marching up the mountains. A rich suburb. They do make stacks of money there, I don't know what their secret is. Cause Jesus pays big bucks to the true church? Haha, um, yeah except that's probably not actually funny.

 

[Jimmy]

I just met a poly husband last weekend who told me his wife's fetish is being pregnant. They are 32 with 6 children. I just, for the life of me, could never have that many kids. Mine are nicely spread out and it's great because each child gets a lot more of devoted attention from DH and I. The oldest was almost 8 when I had my second child and aside from the built-in sitter each child's needs were different and we as parents could actually be there for each of them. Even when our third and last came a few years ago (makes it 13 between oldest and youngest and the middle one is 5.5 years older than the baby) 8 weeks early, each child still received quality love, care and attention.

What's nuts about having so many kids is that fair to them? I really was happy with my two, a girl and a boy. DH and I had replaced ourselves, so to speak, and the third, well accidents can happen and I don't regret having her but the reality is, my oldest will start college and my youngest will start kindergarten at the same time in a few more years.

Jimmy - when this next baby is delivered and it's 6 weeks later, make sure this guy is sitll in China and convince her to get an IUD. She can't just remove it, she will never have to take a pill and she'll probably love it, reducing periods etc. I am on the mirena iud and I love it!

Other posters are correct - you don't care about these babies (they aren't yours) and if you truly care about your wife...I hate saying this but get her to a psychologist/psychiatrist because she sounds as much of a whack job as this guy does.

Hi, Alibabe muse.

First of all, we are not going to have so many children. That's also out of question. My wife's conduct was truly irresponsible and foolish, that's true, but she's nevertheless not insane. 6 kids - that was a kind of exaggeration on his part. Maybe this Chinese guy would really love to have her permanently pregnant, but she's not going to let him do this.

Speaking about our two children, they are roughly of the same age, and I don't think we'll have huge problems raising them. We've already hired a babysitter, who is supposed to help. They are my wife's children, and I consider them mine as well. So I'll do everything to make sure they'll have all they need.

And that's a very good idea about an IUD. Thank you! We'll surely consider this. I'm sure my wife will use it.

 

[kdt26417]

So your wife has two children who are about the same age (did she give birth to them at about the same time)? Who is the biological father of these children? Were they both sired by the Chinese man? Just want to understand the facts of the situation here.

Okay, not six kids ... how many kids then? What's your limit?

Are you going to have any kids with your wife that you are the biological father of?

Glad to hear that you are willing and prepared to take care of the existing kids, and that your wife is willing to practice some birth control. Good luck.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[Jimmy]

So your wife has two children who are about the same age (did she give birth to them at about the same time)? Who is the biological father of these children? Were they both sired by the Chinese man? Just want to understand the facts of the situation here.

We got married about two years ago. And our first kid (whose biological father is the Chinese guy) was born a year ago. Now my wife is in her second month of pregnancy.

Okay, not six kids ... how many kids then? What's your limit?

Are you going to have any kids with your wife that you are the biological father of?

I personally have no such limits. I don't know. Yeah, I would like to have children of our own, thought the matter of biological fatherhood doesn't mean too much to me.

 

[Jimmy]

By the way, this guy has invited my wife to go to China for some time to meet his parents. He doesn't lose his time.

 

[kdt26417]

So when you say, "about the same age," you mean one child who's about a year old, and another child who's "in the oven."

From the 27th:

"First of all, we are not going to have so many children. That's also out of question. My wife's conduct was truly irresponsible and foolish, that's true, but she's nevertheless not insane. 6 kids -- that was a kind of exaggeration on his part. Maybe this Chinese guy would really love to have her permanently pregnant, but she's not going to let him do this."

All of which tells me that there is indeed a limit, and that the limit = less than six kids.

From today:

"Yeah, I would like to have children of our own, though the matter of biological fatherhood doesn't mean too much to me."

I don't understand. If the matter of biological fatherhood doesn't mean too much to you, then why would you care whether you had any children of your own?

Not looking for opportunity to badger you here, I just feel like I'm not clearly seeing the situation.

Re:

"By the way, this guy has invited my wife to go to China for some time to meet his parents. He doesn't lose his time."

Seems to me like all this was pretty much what he intended all along.