(Oversized?) Concerns about STD and pregnancy

[Rg_Leia]

Hi!

Introduced myself a couple of weeks ago. My husband and I are on the path of opening our relationship. Our agreement let us have occasional sex with other partners, only while using condoms at all times.

I met this nice man, we've been chatting and dating (without sex) for a while, and we might wan to take it to the next step (sexually engage).

Now, maybe as a subconscious trick my mind is playing to me, I started having huge fears about getting an Stdi or pregnant, to the point of being paralyzed about the whole opening the relationship. I even fear this might keep me from enjoying it at all!

So the question is, what are the best strategies to cope with this risks. I know getting tested before having sex is advices, but in the type of agreement we have, that might not always be possible, since we are mostly looking for casual sex (not poly stable relationships).

Thanks!

 

[GalaGirl]

I think you have to think that out... What sexual activities you find "reasonable risk" for STD? There are others, but here are some lists

Sex activities and risk

Find out about STI risks of various sexual activities, including oral and anal sex, and fingering.

www.nhs.uk

Safer Sex ("Safe Sex") | Reduce Your Risk of Getting STDs

Safer sex is all about protecting yourself and your partners from the transmission of STDs. Safer sex helps you stay healthy and can even make sex better.

www.plannedparenthood.org

And on the pregnancy front? Might have Plan B already in the house or double up in case a condom breaks. Like use both BCP + condoms and not just condoms. BCP won't help on the STD front but it can help on the "don't want pregnancies" end if a condom breaks.

Could also think about basal body temp charting To Try Avoid (TTA) and not share sex in your fertile window. There's lots of apps for that now or you can do it on a paper chart.

Galagirl

 

[Magdlyn]

Since you wrote oversized in your thread title, I was about to suggest Magnum condoms haha. I see your fears are oversized, not your potential partner's equipment.

Some people, especially anxious types, can get really frightened about pregnancy risk. STDs can be handled with meds (although with HIV, that becomes a lifetime commitment). But a pregnancy concerns a whole new life.

Some women really like IUDs. Their technology has come a long way, and might work for you. You can use them along with condoms for double protection, especially if you prefer to avoid the risks of hormonal BC.

Really, the only reason polyamory or other open relationships are possible these days is because of the efficacy and availability of birth control. Yes, there is some small risk of BC failure, but many people take the risk and never run into problems.

That said, if you were to get pregnant, what is the plan? This should be brought up, ideally, with both your current long term partner and any man you have penis/vagina sex with.

 

[Rg_Leia]

Since you wrote oversized in your thread title, I was about to suggest Magnum condoms haha. I see your fears are oversized, not your potential partner's equipment.

Some people, especially anxious types, can get really frightened about pregnancy risk. STDs can be handled with meds (although with HIV, that becomes a lifetime commitment). But a pregnancy concerns a whole new life.

Some women really like IUDs. Their technology has come a long way, and might work for you. You can use them along with condoms for double protection, especially if you prefer to avoid the risks of hormonal BC.

Really, the only reason polyamory or other open relationships are possible these days is because of the efficacy and availability of birth control. Yes, there is some small risk of BC failure, but many people take the risk and never run into problems.

That said, if you were to get pregnant, what is the plan? This should be brought up, ideally, with both your current long term partner and any man you have penis/vagina sex with.

Thanks! LOL about the oversize confusion hehehehehe.

I decided to postpone our sex date until having a second BC method in place, for what I already scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN. I do realize also that this sudden concern/fear might be related also with the fear of giving the first step....I gues....
But, better be safe than sorry, right?

 

[Marcus]

I decided to postpone our sex date until having a second BC method in place, for what I already scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN. I do realize also that this sudden concern/fear might be related also with the fear of giving the first step....I gues....
But, better be safe than sorry, right?

No harm in being hesitant, or feeling anxiety about having sex when it represents a significant change in your existing relationship (and view of relationships). Change can be stressful even when it is a pleasurable and desired change.

The good part is you are aware that your anxiety might be carrying over into your sexual health concern, and taking steps to try and address it reasonably.

Have you talked with your doctor before about your opening up your existing relationship? Do you know if they are a trustworthy source of information in this regard?

 

[Rg_Leia]

No harm in being hesitant, or feeling anxiety about having sex when it represents a significant change in your existing relationship (and view of relationships). Change can be stressful even when it is a pleasurable and desired change.

The good part is you are aware that your anxiety might be carrying over into your sexual health concern, and taking steps to try and address it reasonably.

Have you talked with your doctor before about your opening up your existing relationship? Do you know if they are a trustworthy source of information in this regard?

Hey Marcus. Thanks for the comments. Those were awesomely assertive!

In fact yes, my OBGYN can not only give us advice on the medical side, but is also a sex positive coach and advocate, so she's been great in helping us through the process.

I guess you're right about how change can be stressful, even though it's a good change!

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Rg_Leia,

Perhaps both using both a condom, and birth control, would ease some of your fears. And getting tested before sex might not work in every situation, but is there a chance it would work in this situation? You've met a nice man, perhaps you could explain to him your concerns, and he would then be nice enough to get tested for you. Heck, that's a good thing to do for general health reasons anyway, am I right?

The others have gave excellent advice, I am kind of just reiterating some of it. I think if you take little steps, and not jump into sex all at once, that may help with some of your fears. Also you should have a plan for how you will handle it if you do get pregnancy or an STI. Knock on wood, hopefully you won't have to use that plan.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.