Overwhelmed

M

MissleK23

New member
I am very new to poly. But I am a swinger. Two very different worlds. My husband and I met a lady and both started dating her. I do really have feelings for her and know that my husband is starting to catch feelings. I really try to rein in the jealousy. I sit back and try to allow them to have their time. But when we are all together I feel like I get put on the back burner. I am not sure if it is truly happening or if I am overthinking things. Our girlfriend pushes for my husband to express his feelings to her. I know he is reluctant to because he is concerned for me.

So lost.
 
Do you only spend time with this lady together, or do you each have your separate time with her?
 
Would this be better as a poly V, rather than a triad, with you dating someone else separately, rather than you and your husband trying to both date the same lady?

Galagirl
 
Hello MissleK23,

Your husband may be somewhat caught up in NRE for this new lady. If he is, then the NRE will influence him to give her preferential treatment compared to you. Have you told him that you feel like you're on the back burner when the three of you are together? If you have, what was his response?

I hope we can help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Dating separately would be a better idea. You get your quality time and he gets his. You'll both feel more able to be free with your feelings and develop the relationships without the issue of someone feeling left out when you are all together......just do parallel and don't all be together. Triads are poly on hard mode....not the best to start there. You might be better off being in a V with different partners as GalaGirl said.
 
It's common in swinging to have casual group sex, in threes or fours or occasionally more. But in polyamory, it is most successfully done one on one. When feelings are involved (romantic feelings, love, deep affection) other than mere light friendship and lust, trying to be an equal triad is almost impossible. Don't try to force the issue. Don't have dates or sex as a threesome if it just leaves you feeling like a third wheel.

Are you attracted to this woman? Is she attracted to you? Do you like each other, or is she just tolerating you to get to your husband?

If you like each other, great! Be platonic friends. If you're both attracted to each other, great! Have sex, with each other (one-on-one, maybe not in a threesome). If you don't particularly like her or lust for her, your husband can date her, and you and she can just be polite in passing. This is called parallel poly. Your husband would be the "hinge" of a "poly V."

You then go on to date others independently, should you wish (of any gender you desire).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top