Hi all,
It's been a long time since I've been here. I'm bi, married for many years, broke up with my first GF in March and spent the year coming to terms with that. It was hard, but I'm better now.
I've been seeing another woman recently, although still platonic while she decides how she feels about the poly thing (and she has never been with a woman, although she is interested). That's its own frustration, but not what I'm writing about.
I'm trying to figure out how to deal w/my passive-aggressive husband. When we talk openly about my dating women, he assures me that he's on board with it, he understands my needs. It's not easy for him, I know, but he's given me the go-ahead. (He also, of course, is free to see other women, but he doesn't really know how to go about it and part of him doesn't want to bother. I talk about that with him some, but mostly treat it as his issue to deal with.)
But every time I mention this woman, whom he knows and likes, he gets an edge to his voice, or he makes what feel to me like passive-aggressive digs.
I'm kind of at a loss. On one hand, I want to give him space to deal with the situation however he needs to. It's not easy for him (or me, frankly--if I could make my desires magically disappear, I would, but that hasn't worked) and I understand that.
On the other hand, it's starting to really piss me off.
I sometimes call him on it, but of course he can just say (the call of the passive-aggressive) "I'm just kidding," or somesuch. I've started just responding to comments in the most bland way if they need a response, or ignoring them if they don't, but that feels uncomfortable too. It makes me feel like I should sneak around just to avoid the ick, but I don't want to do that.
Any thoughts from you smart people?
It's been a long time since I've been here. I'm bi, married for many years, broke up with my first GF in March and spent the year coming to terms with that. It was hard, but I'm better now.
I've been seeing another woman recently, although still platonic while she decides how she feels about the poly thing (and she has never been with a woman, although she is interested). That's its own frustration, but not what I'm writing about.
I'm trying to figure out how to deal w/my passive-aggressive husband. When we talk openly about my dating women, he assures me that he's on board with it, he understands my needs. It's not easy for him, I know, but he's given me the go-ahead. (He also, of course, is free to see other women, but he doesn't really know how to go about it and part of him doesn't want to bother. I talk about that with him some, but mostly treat it as his issue to deal with.)
But every time I mention this woman, whom he knows and likes, he gets an edge to his voice, or he makes what feel to me like passive-aggressive digs.
I'm kind of at a loss. On one hand, I want to give him space to deal with the situation however he needs to. It's not easy for him (or me, frankly--if I could make my desires magically disappear, I would, but that hasn't worked) and I understand that.
On the other hand, it's starting to really piss me off.
I sometimes call him on it, but of course he can just say (the call of the passive-aggressive) "I'm just kidding," or somesuch. I've started just responding to comments in the most bland way if they need a response, or ignoring them if they don't, but that feels uncomfortable too. It makes me feel like I should sneak around just to avoid the ick, but I don't want to do that.
Any thoughts from you smart people?