Why's a third party butting into your personal business?
It's ok to tell that person "Thank you for your concern. I will take it on board" and then walk away. You do not have to keep the conversation going. You do not have to JADE with them -- justify, argue, defend, or explain your position. They also don't have to know that when you take their suggestion on board you think "Man, what a load of hooey!" and you discard and disregard it!
YOU make the choices for you. Not other people making them for you.
A triad has to be a 3 person "yes." Not 2 people yes and then one person being dragged along with it because the other two said so.
It is YOUR JOB to state where you stand. And it is ok to vote "No, thank you. I don't want to do triads. Not my thing."
That is not the triad not happening because YOU shot it down. That is the triad not happening because THE TRIAD POTENTIALS do not have a 3 person yes for it to become an actual triad. They approached a person who is not a good fit for that. The triad potentials hopefully take it with grace and handle the disappointment appropriately.
If they start pressuring you or blaming you or whatever? You can think "Whew! Dodged a bullet by saying no. Look at them behaving like that to me now! Imagine how worse it would be in actual triad with people like that?!"
Thank you so so so much. I was told I was being selfish for putting my needs over theirs. It’s not selfishness, it’s just not what I’m comfortable with. Also, it wasn’t either of them calling me selfish, it was a third party.
You are correct. It is not selfishness. There is a continuum of
selfish ------ self full ---- selfless.
- Selfish = memememe! I screw everyone else! Because all is for me!
- Selfless = themthemthem! I screw me! Because all is for them!
- Self full = The balanced place in the middle. Self full is "I meet my own self care needs first. So I can have a full tank of gas and I'm not burning out. THEN I can gift my help to others from a place of joy if I am willing/able to help them."
You do your own basic self care before helping others. If everyone did that all would be seen to more effectively.
Just like on a plane -- you put your OWN oxygen mask on first before trying to help other people put on theirs. Because if you don't? You don't help your own self and run out of air. And how many others can you really help not breathing? You could help MORE people if you took care of you first so you could breathe.
It is not "selfish" to operate from "self full." It is NECESSARY.
It’s not selfishness, it’s just not what I’m comfortable with.
You seem to know it is necessary and that you are not being selfish.
So.... keep doing it. Keep putting your basic self care needs FIRST.
You don't have to be doing things that you don't want to be doing or that you heart is in.
Galagirl