Initial Reflection on Experiencing Polyamory
When I came across the man who introduced me to polyamory I was young and impressionable. Our experience together was full of meaningful lessons; changes, adjustments, reflections, and growth. The bellow was my 18 year old reflection on my encounter with this person. There have been very few communities I have been placed in where I have been able to comfortably share my perspective on poly lifestyle. Today I look forward to learning, and experiencing perspective. And sharing the evolution of mine.
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Polyamory
The first thing that always comes to my mind. Is that I love you.
The following thought is always ..” but you hurt me”
I don’t want to seem too attached
Its just I miss and admire .. Everything that you taught me - regarding your craft.
And when I think about everything that I shared with you.. It makes me mad
To know that you can so willingly throw away everything that we had
All that we built
We both were aware from the beginning
.. If we were going to try and make this work it would require skill
Effort
Patience
Constancy is the word that I love to repeat.
Which is the quality of being unchanging, as in purpose. Loyalty.
.. Love. Was the philosophy that joined our hearts?
Your philosophy of pollyamory is primarily what caused me to have to take the back seat. - You abandoning me - is what scarred my heart.
Knowing that you are no longer willing to consider me - makes me want to hide
Given all that IV been through- I feel like im just to strong to cry
Not over you.. After all in the beginig.. My subconscious knew
Your unwavering love - was to good to be true.
But then again.. You crammed down my throat.. How I was supposed to trust you.
At times I feel like im going to drown - probably because silently I put you on a pedistool..
In my mind your position was of one that obtained a crown.
I love you and- you chose to abandon me.
You asked me to dive- and in the begining I expressed extreme reluctancy.
But it comes down to I love you.
You showed me a sea of possibilities
You swam with me in a sea of possibilities showed me all that could be.
Then said that your life would be better without me?
I was chaos
……Im confused. .. I just hope that my feelings regarding this situation doesn’t amuse..
Because to be honest
Simply put
.. I feel used. - And I also feel like this prolonged strain of tension arose out of the blue. What’s most annoying is that my heart is still fighting for you.
But because it seems as though you’re not willing to give your primary a clue..
In your life at this moment there isn’t room for TWO..
So it seems as though I have to be through
.. Its just not fare. Because at the end of every day.. I kinda reminisce - on how I grew to love you.
- But im forced to remind myself that you hurt me.
- All because of your philosophy regarding polyamory. [/FONT]