Poly because of boredom

Violet77

Member
What are folks thoughts on having jelousy (which I'm working on) and starting to have poly relationships once the primary relationship starts to get boring/less exciting?
 

Marcus

Well-known member
What are folks thoughts on having jelousy (which I'm working on) and starting to have poly relationships once the primary relationship starts to get boring/less exciting?

I'm not sure I follow the situation you are describing. Are you saying that you are both bored with, and jealous of, your relationship and are looking to date other people because of this?
 

Violet77

Member
We aren't bored right now, but is it ethical to try polyamory once it gets boring, like in the future. Or is it better reserved for people who are more naturally poly.
 

IvanTrentBrown

New member
I was in a relationship with a married woman who was poly.
When I started seeing the Wife, my friendship with the Husband become non-existent.

I've had talks with the Wife who said her sex life with her Husband became boring and eventually they stopped having sex. I suppose that's where I came in - to spice up her sex life. However, this did cost us our friendship. The Husband quickly became very jealous of me. I don't think he was fully onboard with being in a poly marriage.
 

Marcus

Well-known member
We aren't bored right now, but is it ethical to try polyamory once it gets boring, like in the future. Or is it better reserved for people who are more naturally poly.

The only thing that would keep it from being ethical is if someone involved wasn't informed or given their chance to consent. There are plenty of reasons to not be strictly monogamous anymore, and "bored" is just as good a reason as any from my perspective.

There are reasons to open up to non-monogamy that aren't a great idea, like "fixing our existing floundering relationship". Not that polyamory can't still work, it's just that adding relationships to a failing relationship isn't good math.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi Violet,

I guess you could say that boredom is one of the reasons why humans are often nonmonogamous. It is part of who we are. So I don't think it is some terrible thing. The important thing is to learn as much about poly as you can, so that you do not step into any of the pitfalls. To that end, I encourage you to read and post often on this forum (and on this thread). Think about what all your questions are, and ask them here.

If you come to a point where your current relationship is foundering, where it is actually in trouble, treat that as a separate problem, because poly won't fix it. But that would not be the same problem as boredom.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
I think it depends what you mean by "bored." Do you mean that your relationship and selves are healthy but you have free time and figure why not? Or do you mean you're not really interested in each other for the exciting stuff anymore but don't want to break up so dating others sounds like a good plan to keep y'all satisfied?

First scenario seems fine to me. Second seems like the relationship isn't working and you're trying to fix it by adding new people, which isn't fine.

Since this is a hypothetical future scenario, I'm hoping you mean the first 😁
 
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