Poly-Curious Couple First Steps?

after some more research and discussion, digging into many good points brought up around this forum, we've realized that what we're looking for is less of a relationship and more like "friends with benefits," someone (or someones) to play with on occasion. Upon deeper reflection, we're not sure we'd ever be completely comfortable with integrating another person or people into our lives. There are many factors and pitfalls for such things that we hadn't thought of before.
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This to me says that they want a FWB which they feel means "someone they play with on occasion". They know they don't want to integrate someone into their lives and will therefore avoid emotional intimacy with that person in order to avoid those sorts of complications. That usually means that they will put up boundaries with the friend(s) they have sex with that they wouldn't necessarily put up with a purely platonic friend.

Ie. Friend without benefits needs somewhere to crash for a few weeks - within realms of friendship. FWB needs somewhere to crash for a few weeks - Little bit different. Bit like letting a new partner you're a little unsure of stay for a few weeks. Might give misleading impression and propel relationship outside of comfort zone.
 
london said:
This to me says that they want a FWB which they feel means "someone they play with on occasion". They know they don't want to integrate someone into their lives and will therefore avoid emotional intimacy with that person in order to avoid those sorts of complications. That usually means that they will put up boundaries with the friend(s) they have sex with that they wouldn't necessarily put up with a purely platonic friend.
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They could just hire a sex worker. I personally don't understand the desire to have sex with someone while avoiding emotional intimacy. But- I do think it falls under the "swinger" category, however most of the swingers in my area are seeking at least some emotional intimacy.
 
idealist said:
They could just hire a sex worker. I personally don't understand the desire to have sex with someone while avoiding emotional intimacy. But- I do think it falls under the "swinger" category, however most of the swingers in my area are seeking at least some emotional intimacy.
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I have sex at times without emotional intimacy. I guess it would be similar to swinging for me. I do it because sex is a fun activity and sometimes guys just need shagging. A sex worker would be ideal because they limit the emotional intimacy themselves but people usually feel the stigma of hiring a whore is too much for them.
 
I would suggest them seeking in the swinging community, not because I don't believe that a FWB relationship couldn't possibly be considered Polyamory, but because I think swingers would meet their needs better. Many swingers are friends with their lovers but they also prioritise their dyads, so they will be on the same page as the OP.

It is good that they did some reading and talking and realise what their limits are, so now they can go and investigate swinging together. Frankly, I am glad that they realised this early, it shows they are not being rash and impulsive, we see plenty of people who act first, think later....
 
I'm glad they started this thread. It's a welcome introduction into the spectrum and large gray area of poly.

I wish them the best.
 
idealist said:
They could just hire a sex worker.
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Why pay for that which is freely available?

Besides, it's still not clear to me that they want a purely sexual relationship. My interpretation is that they want the friends part as much as the benefits.

I personally don't understand the desire to have sex with someone while avoiding emotional intimacy.
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I don't understand the desire to go on tropical vacations, but I'm told by people who enjoy this activity that they find it tremendously enjoyable.
 
SchrodingersCat said:
I don't understand the desire to go on tropical vacations, but I'm told by people who enjoy this activity that they find it tremendously enjoyable.
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Agree!
 
Then there's the crazy people who like to run around in the middle of a large grass area chasing a ball for a couple of hours every week, or even worse, those who pay to watch them do it.
 
Hey, Emm, if you're talking about football, I totally understand not understanding it. Now soccer, that's a different game, and anyone who doesn't understand the joy of playing AND watching is OBVIOUSLY wacko. I mean, really.

/sarcasm.

I'm of the mind that some people DO find a chance to date the way they want, be it in a couple, as FWB, or however else. Why complain about a couple being aware of what they want, and trying to find it? There are plenty of cases of couples or triads or intimate V's forming, as couples continue to figure out what they want. People grow, people learn, people change. This forum isn't the place to gather advice on how to do it, the way they want it, because of the past experiences of many members, that's for sure.
 
[votes for Andrew and Katie pursuing sex/relationships as they see fit]

[while desperately trying to think of a new word for American football so that Americans can start calling soccer football and ... d'oh I'm so confused]
 
I agree that people should be able to pursue relationships/sex as they see fit. Just as long as everyone always is clear as to what they are looking for/wanting.

Also a good name for American Football, Yankball.
 
pulliman said:
This forum isn't the place to gather advice on how to do it, the way they want it, because of the past experiences of many members, that's for sure.
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Actually this is the place to seek advice and people do ask for it and get it, every day...

:confused:

If you're saying the advice they get sometimes doesn't sit well, well, think of a message board as a salad bar. Take what you like and leave the rest. You don't have to like everything on a salad bar to enjoy a salad bar.
 
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