(Andrew here)We'd like someone to make a connection with, to get to know, and, yes, have sex with.
So after some more research and discussion, digging into many good points brought up around this forum, we've realized that what we're looking for is less of a relationship and more like "friends with benefits," someone (or someones) to play with on occasion. Upon deeper reflection, we're not sure we'd ever be completely comfortable with integrating another person or people into our lives.
We realize that what we're looking for may not really be considered "polyamory" at all.
I'm of the mind that only the people in the arrangement get to decide whether it's polyamory or not, assuming consent all around. It's a minory opinion, as many people are very quick to dictate what is and is not poly, but I believe that it's your life, so it's your call.
Some people argue that calling it poly when it "isn't" makes it confusing for potential partners. I think it's far more confusing to call something "poly" and then assume that everyone knows exactly what you mean, since there's as many ways to do poly as there are people in poly relationships. Either way, you have to explain exactly what kind of arrangement you're looking for, so who cares what you call it?
I think they've acknowledged that they want a very casual sexual relationship. Less what the majority of us would call FWB and more what we would term Booty Call. My suspicions are that the OPs will find their comfort level is closer to acquaintance we have sex with or the widely used term, Fuck Buddy.
I think of Booty Call and Fuck Buddy as someone where sex is the only purpose of spending time together. By the description above, they do want someone to make a connection with and get to know. They haven't said anything to give me the impression that they don't want the "friends" part of FWB.
What they don't want to give up is couple privilege. Integrating someone and making allowances for emotional attachment is more work than just being friends with someone with the occasional roll in the hay. But I don't see non-monogamy as an all-or-nothing dichotomy. There's full integration, there's fuck buddies, and there's a whole 3 dimensional grey area in between.
I get that some people can "fuck a stranger" using certain techniques to avoid emotional intimacy, such as avoiding eye contact, and mouth to mouth kissing.
Lots of people don't have to use "techniques" to avoid emotional intimacy. Indeed, many people have to work hard to actually form emotional intimacy, with distance and lack of feelings being the default. For the most part, males have an easier time at it, but I also know females who can enjoy a good fuck without the slightest inclination to hang out otherwise.
That being said, most people know which camp they're in. Or at least, they can figure it out if they take the time to think about it.
I think if a couple is going to enter a FWB or FB arrangement, it is important to be aware of the risk of developing feelings, and to have a contingency plan for if that happens. For example, some swingers have a personal boundary that if they start having feelings for someone, they end the arrangement of their own free will, because they've prioritized their partnership.
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