Poly-Dating: How to meet like-minded people

With regards to the original question, apparently, OKC does occasionally yield results. We're meeting with a like-minded couple this weekend, because the woman and I have been talking, and there might be something there. (Our spouses aren't interested in each other at this point. Tala only dates women, by her choice.) So, I guess that's one way!

I also believe in telling people I'm interested in, right up front, how my life is and the way I live. It doesn't get all that many positive results, really, as far as dating goes, but it does get the air clear and understanding in place quickly, and a surprising (happily) number of those people still choose to be friends, which I still consider a big win.
 
How to meet a female secondary

Hello. We are new to this. myself Male his looking for a female companion where would one start looking lol I haven't dated anyone new in 17 yrs I'm in the Toronto area east approx 1 hr any help would be great

Thanks :)

Nothing changes if nothing changes
 
Where we have gone to meet people

I am a female, 53 years old. My male partner, Richard, and I joined an online dating site for swingers. I have posted a list of the couples we have met (12 of them) in just 3 short weeks on this site. (Link to that post is attached.) We have been on 12 "first dates" and have not had one drama or bad experience. There was not always a mutual chemistry and attraction all the way around, but we have enjoyed every meeting. There was usually at least some attraction between two of the people, which helped us feel encouraged each time.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=35102&postcount=49

We have been careful to screen out people who are just wanting sport sex. All you have to do is look at the photos and read the profiles. We have not contacted or agreed to meet with anyone who has a genital shot photo on their profile, or any distasteful photos.

We spent a lot of time with our photos and writing our profile. We are sure that is why we have had so much immediate interest. I've chatted with a member who doesn't have any photos posted and the profile isn't written well. They have only met a few couples in several years.

I would be happy to share advice about photos, writing your profile, or the name of the site we are on with anyone who wants to send me a private message requesting it.
 
How do you meet other people?

Self-explanatory question. Other than dating sites (which I hate) or random connections, how do you meet other people?

Just as a way of explanation, I've never dated. My dh was my boss, and we 'hooked up' and started our relationship that way.
 
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marksbabygirl said:
Other than dating sites (which I hate) or random connections, how do you meet other people?
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Poly events/groups, kink events/groups, queer events/groups. It depends on your interests. Much like how you got together with your boss, if you are somewhere with people, you will meet people.
 
Meeting people is difficult for my wife and me. We don't really get out much. We simply don't socialize much at all, and when we do, it's 99% of the time in a vanilla environment. The 1% of the time it's in a more open environment, the people aren't ones we would consider dating. :( Oh well... The search goes on.
 
marksbabygirl said:
Other than dating sites (which I hate) or random connections - how do you meet other people?
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You have access to a huge kink community where a lot are poly. I seem to have decent luck on this site, as well as real life. I must be a flirt or something.

You should talk to Jennifer. She claims a fairly high percentage of her group are poly. Might really hit it off there. (Not to mention, some of the parties look REALLY fun.)
 
You have access to a huge kink community where a lot are poly. I seem to have decent luck on this site, as well as real life. I must be a flirt or something.

You should talk to Jennifer. She claims a fairly high percentage of her group are poly. Might really hit it off there.
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Yay! I found the post! (lol)

The kink community, yep, lots of fun, but not necessarily a good dating pool.

I'll just keep talking to people, practicing that patience thing... (That's fun, LOL)

Jennifer, as we discussed, not an option. I just get really really bad vibes from that direction. I know that there are a LOT of people who connect really well with her, and all power to them.

However, I'm always up for meeting new people. :)
 
lovemaggy said:
how do you find someone who doesn't mind being considered second best?
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I think it's not about being "second best". I'm a second girlfriend, and I NEVER feel as though I'm unimportant. It's just a matter of finances, and time. He shares his life with her as a spouse, and they have a teenager at home. I get to go on a date or hang out with the family, but I live my own life, and I like it. I am my own "primary".;)

If you treat second partners as though they are worthwhile, chances are they'll enjoy the experience, IMHO.
 
Seeking help

Basically, I would like to know something here. Don't feel offended, as I just want truthful answers and insight. How and/or where could I find a woman who is interested in a polyamorous relationship? I've dabbled in sites and some of them don't have, let's say, a checkbox of this sort. Please give insight and/or answers to help us!
 
Advice would be welcome

Here is my all too common situation. I asked my wife to consider reading Tristan Taormino's book, Opening Up. I led with the phrase, "As far as I'm concerned, we don't need to change a thing; I just want us to read about it." She was reluctant. After the book lay untouched on the table for a few days I found myself eventually trying to persuade her, at which point I knew I'd gone off course and now I feel rather foolish about it all. I'm prepared to throw in the towel on this--polyamory--but I still feel as if there may be something in it for us. Any advice would be appreciated.

Respectfully,
My Futuristic Trousers
 
Ariakas said:
I figured you had perused this thread. It has been mentioned a number of times. It is a poly friendly dating site. Quite a large poly community.
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Your version of "large" and mine are two different things. With that being said, L and I are trying to develop a dating site that is strictly for polys. Once we finally launch it, we'll let everyone here know. :)
 
TL4everu2 said:
Your version of "large" and mine are two different things. With that being said, L and I are trying to develop a dating site that is strictly for poly's. Once we finally launch it, we'll let everyone here know.
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It is, of course, regional. Check the BC listing. There is a lot of availability. Calgary blew my socks off with the number of available poly-friendly women. I haven't checked in with Parry Sound, Ontario, but I betcha they don't have many poly people.
 
SchrodingersCat said:
The best way to find people is to stop looking.

Sounds ass-backwards, I know. But the best love sneaks up on you when you're totally looking in another direction.
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This was such a deja vu statement for me. However, I have spoken of it only in terms of monogamous relationships with friends who are trying to find someone to be with, and struggling with sites like eHarmony, AFF, what have you. It is exactly how I found my wife 19 years ago...because I wasn't looking for her.
 
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