Poly-Friendly Pagans?

nogardehtmai

New member
I am Pagan and recently began my first real poly relationship (started with swinging etc) in my experience most of the pagans I have met are open to poly or at least tolerant of it. As many groups use the quote "An it harm none do as thou will" Poly fits that ideal fairly well. Poly is very much about communication and sharing not only love but thoughts and feelings. It can be scary to "come out" to friends but if they truly love you then they will accept you no matter what. If they don't well that's their problem IMHO. :)
 

MDSTPODCAST

New member
I live my life in a Magickal form, and raise a Pagan family. I am grateful to belong to many Pagan groups who participate in very adult situations, post ritual. Family Sabbat's are important for me to have, and we do honor those days in a family friendly no sex way, lol. Now the more adult celebrations, oh-baby, nothing better than sex with a coven mate, the energy is flying. Doing witch work and putting it out there, for the universe to provide you with the people and situations in your life that will make you feel your best.
 

Myrrhine1

New member
The first group of people I "came out" to was my current pagan group on campus. Nobody in it is poly but me, but apparently a few former students were. My experience was really supportive. Everyone handled it gracefully and understood that I'm not comfortable telling people about my identity. A few people said they didn't understand polyamory, but I still feel accepted as part of the group.

My experience as a UU Pagan, on the other hand, has been a little mixed. I think it mostly gets mixed/heated when (in a private conversation) talking about polyamory while discussing marriage equality at all. But a few people in my UU Pagan group are very accepting.

I've heard horror stories, however, about UUs at my church being dramatic about poly couples. It's one of the big reasons why I don't talk about it or come out at my UU church.
 

LadyLigeia

New member
I am Pagan and recently began my first real poly relationship (started with swinging etc) in my experience most of the pagans I have met are open to poly or at least tolerant of it. As many groups use the quote "An it harm none do as thou will" Poly fits that ideal fairly well. Poly is very much about communication and sharing not only love but thoughts and feelings. It can be scary to "come out" to friends but if they truly love you then they will accept you no matter what. If they don't well that's their problem IMHO. :)

My experience has always been similar. As a whole, Pagans tend to be very open-minded, especially since our mainstream culture openly demonizes us. I've never, ever met a Pagan who had any qualms with polyamory or any kind of orientation, other than it not being fit for them. From what I can tell, the Pagan community tends to be very sex-positive and socially liberal.

The only thing that I have noticed that neo-Pagans aren't always so tolerant about is recreational drug use, even if it is safe or done for the sake of chemognosis/trance work. In particular, I've noticed Wiccans tend not to use or abuse drugs as much as other people. In college, whenever I would have a "Pagan party," I NEVER had to worry about running out of booze. But that is another subject ENTIRELY. My friend's sister was Wiccan and claimed

I should probably establish that I've been a practicing Pagan for over 12 years and I am highly cognizant of the fact that not all Pagans are Wiccans. However, the earliest tradition of Wicca (Gardnerian) prohibited homosexuals from joining covens because they were "unbalanced" or some other bullshit like that. I think it ended quickly. Then again, that isn't polyamory and there was a lot of sexual openness otherwise. Please correct me if I'm wrong!

But yeah, I've read your comments and some of them actually contradict my experiences but wow, I never confronted that kind of close mindedness in regard to someone else's life decisions that don't harm anyone. I've met some that thought it was weird or simply not for them, but it never made them uncomfortable with my partner(s) or myself.
 

Myrrhine1

New member
Not all "25+" Pagan groups are so full of drama.

I "came out" to my pagan group at the university I attend during a discussion series on rites of passage (it included "outing"). We have a policy that nothing we say leaves the room unless it's okay with the people involved, so I did tell them about it in confidence.

One of the biggest reasons I told them I have problems coming out to people is that I absolutely do not want it getting back around to people in my professional circles. The students that are in my program are extremely judgmental and I may have to work with or for them in the future. My love life isn't their business, period.

The only reason I think I'd keep it from a Pagan group would be if I felt that there was a potential for drama, or if certain people in the group made me feel uncomfortable for other reasons.
 

PattyLove

New member
Twin flames and soul mates

Hello to all!
Thank you for the usefull tread and sharing.

I leave you the suggestion to a Teal Swan's video with great insights about twin flames and soul mates. It ressonates with me, as I feel I have several soul mates :)

I hope that can be helpful for some of you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqrGkQOpmAs

Peace and Love <3
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Thanks for sharing that, PattyLove.

It's amazing that I could enjoy that youtube as much as I did, because I am an atheist and only perceive the Universe/Multiverse in cold, scientific terms. But Teal Swan has a way of presenting her ideas in a way that does not dishonor me, the listener, and does not dishonor what I believe in but rejoices in it and celebrates it.

Even if I accept a supernatural layer of existence I am still leery about the notion of universal oneness. If there is universal oneness, it must have a desire to constantly express itself in diversity, because diversity is what I have observed and experienced throughout my life -- and I love diversity. I think it is great that each human can be so startlingly unique.

But I don't feel dissed by Teal Swan's explanation of oneness and how it works toward providing us with (a) soulmate/s in life. I have had two very special women in my life, and my experience of connecting with them had much in common with what Teal Swan predicted for the meeting of soulmates. I don't know if that makes it true, but it did make me feel good about both of those relationships.

I was especially interested in the notion that if I'm not treating myself well, if I'm focusing on my "faults" and beating myself up over them, then that will actually make it harder for me to meet and recognize a soulmate. She presented an interesting idea: love for oneself with *all* of one's "faults," to the extent that one actually sees needful value in each of those faults. She invites me to stop trying to push myself to improve, but instead, to start by trying to love myself just as I am. And she believes that in doing so, I'll be better prepared to meet (one of) my soulmate/s. That concept suprises and pleases me. It reminds me that acceptance precedes progress. If I can't accept myself, then I can't take the next step. It's a paradox but it makes intuitive sense.

Anyway, that was a cool youtube.
 

idlewild

New member
Hellenic polytheist here. Many larger Pagan gatherings have some poly specific meet 'n' greets or workshops. Most Pagans I have met (and I've literally met hundreds) are very accepting of poly folks. Most of the relationship drama I have seen in groups came from cheating, which isn't the same thing at all. Or in groups focused around polyamory rather than spirituality, which put a lot of pressure on the participants in an unhealthy way.

Oberon Zell and Morning Glory are great examples of an influential poly couple in Paganism. I believe MG is actually credited with coining the term "polyamory," which makes word nerds groan in pain. :)
 

Katastr0ph1k

New member
So, out of curiosity (hence, the reviving of this old thread), how many of you here have attending a Handfasting? And have any of you attending a Handfasting, or even heard of one, where more than one person was handfasted at the same time? Traditionally, it is usually one-on-one.

Wifey and I are both Pagans, with some Wiccan leanings, eclectic and solitary. Hubs claims Wicca, but is non-practicing. We've discussed having some sort of ceremony for the three of us, just to symbolize our relationship and to show our children how devoted we are to one another. But we wouldn't want to leave any of the spouses out. Not even really sure a handfasting can be possible, as we're not involved in any local groups... Just a thought we're exploring.
 

idlewild

New member
The first handfasting I ever attended was a poly one. The woman and man were bound, and the woman's husband exchanged "brother vows" with his wife's lover. It was lovely.

You don't need to be part of a local group. Festivals often act as a community for those who don't have a local community, and a lot of rites of passage are conducted there. Pagan Spirit Gathering in IL is a lot of fun, has a few poly folks, and will perform handfastings, including poly handfastings. Family friendly event.

Some local groups will perform handfastings for non-members. They would probably want to meet with you first, like any other clergy, and may or may not ask a fee for the service.

Also, since a handfasting isn't necessarily a legal ceremony (you could make that same argument for any religious marriage ceremony, but I digress) you could totally do it without clergy.
 

Katastr0ph1k

New member
Very true, Idlewild, in regards to using or not using clergy.

I personally would want someone to perform it for us, but that's my preference (and perhaps not the Wifey's or Hubs). We'd want to still have the party (food, music, dancing, mingling), but none of our families beyond our kids would be in attendance, as they're all too far away. Hubs and I are already legally married, so that's a non-issue.

I think we also want to throw a party and celebrate our relationship, just like when you're monogamous and have the wedding and just want to have fun ;)
 

idlewild

New member
Yeah, a family-friendly festival might be a good option then. You can have clergy, and a whole festival full of people to help you make the day special: musicians, artists, etc. I know people who have decided to get married AFTER arriving at PSG and it was easy because there are food vendors, clothing/jewelry vendors, clergy, musicians, dancers, etc... already on-site. And you have random supportive strangers show up to cheer you on!

I would recommend planning ahead though. With some planning and looking up glamping tips you could have a really lovely ceremony and reception.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I just had a handfasting - I posted about it in my blog, and on the board. The officiant we used has ties to the UU church and to pagans. We had the option of tailoring the ceremony to be a more traditional sort of church service or calling the corners and such. Ours was an elopement too. :)
 

Willow64

New member
Although I am but a polywog in the poly community, I have been a practicing pagan for over 10. I learned the majority of my primary information from my pagan friends. There seem to a be a large number of more open-minded people in this pagan community and I think that the general thinking is that when any intimate relationship is done with love, respect and trust, it is GOOD. Sneaking around, cheating and hurting others would be considered wrong in a pagan relationship, so being transparent, open and respectful in a poly relationship is great!
 

Willow64

New member
I might add too that a handfasting is such a great option for the polyamorous couple. It's a binding, a commitment, but without obligation for a civil ceremony or piece of paper. My 2nd partner and I want a handfasting when the time is right. I am also ordained, so I do these for poly couples. :eek:
 

JK40

New member
I came home to wicca 14 months ago, and entered my first poly relationship since february this year. It does seem to me that poly and paganism go together a lot. I think it is something to do with our belief system, that we tend to be open minded people who think for ourselves and welcome all.

I actually had something in my mind from early on in my poly relationship, and came across the subject covered here yesterday, and on a wiccan website, that confirmed my thoughts. It was about handfastening. I had wondered if it was something that would be ideal for those of us who are poly where one or more are legally married. (Though I believe handfastening should be on one hand but on the other if it was then the bigwigs who feel they decide what should be imposed on us all, would make it legal only the once, but that is a huge topic lol)

I personally finally feel i am myself, I have never been happier. I never conformed to societies norms, as such, whose to say we can't love more than one partner at a time?
 

Ravenscroft

Banned
Just as there's a lot of Monogamist baggage that's dragged along into nonmonogamy, nobody should be surprised to find unexamined Xtian prejudices in Neopaganism.

One problem I've always had with handfasting: how do you break up? I sat down with a few friends & created a "way-parting" ceremony some years ago; we encouraged people to keep it in mind, in part hoping that it might make breakups at least a little more amicable by putting it in a Wiccan context.

This also forced a few people to confront their prejudices that (1) handfasting would last forever (2) because they were Wiccan now & forever free of responsibility. :rolleyes:

There are other factors that likely ought be considered as well. For instance, if one person wants to leave a triad, doesn't that mean that three relationships end -- two dyads + the triad -- & must be explicitly recognized, if not each receive their own separate rite?

In open-structure nonmonogamy, anyone else who participated or spoke in support should probably also be included in the parting, even if symbolically (like having a note read blessing the relationship as well as its end).

I still believe that when a closed ("fidelitous") clade is being created, it would be spiritually positive to ritually separate ("divorce") any "founding couple" in order to create the new relationship upon an ACTUAL foundation of equality.
 

lawtonpoly

New member
my wife and i are poly and she has recently discovered an interest in witchcraft. i dont share that interest however i do support her fully in it. we are having problems finding other like minded poly people in our area. so i can relate to the frustration. it seems in the area we live it is impossible to find a bi male that is into poly and either into or at least open to witchcraft or any pagan ideas or practices.
 
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