poly or swinging

For us, swinging turned out to be a means to an end (although at the time we had only the faintest concept of that being the case). It was our entry to non-monogamy and served as a way for Luv to see that god wasn't going to strike her dead instantly, and that I wasn't watching with eagle eyes to rip off my ring and demand divorce the instant she was penetrated by another man, nor by the fact that she really enjoyed it.

Along the way, we learned that sex with friends was the best, with good friends even better, and with people who could share our lives on an intimate and caring level, even when sex wasn't involved, was as *amazing*.

While there are a few situations that could convince us to swing now and then (hey, if Dwayne Johnson called either or both of us for a long no-strings-attached weekend? yeah!) we are only interested in sex with friends and only after we trust that they *are* friends. So anyway, for us it was great fun and a learning process, but just a gateway drug.

If you're a guy and ever want to gently but abruptly extricate yourselves from the swinger community, just announce that you are poly and bi. If you're a woman, you'll never get rid of 'em.

Brian
 
No, my sweet, you are teased. Giggle! If you were touched, that would be consummated! :p

:eek:

LOL!

You are so funny! :D
 
Before I met my wife, she was married to another man, and they had an "open relationship." They were free to have sex with others, but generally did not develop long-term relationships with those people. Their intention was to use this method to eventually find a woman to join them permanently.

On her own, she dabbled with swinging for a couple years, and although her experiences were primarily positive, a few negative events caused her to reevaluate the lifestyle. She came to the conclusion that she'd much rather be in a situation where she knew she could trust her partner(s). She decided she wanted to have either a monogamous lesbian relationship or a MFF triad. What she got was me! :rolleyes:

In our own relationship, we have alternated between poly and open. Whenever our relationship was open, the intention was always that it would lead to a polyamorous end result. :cool:
 
LovingRadiance said:
Being able to keep that moment full of desire and a sense of need, forever.
Click to expand...

Oh yeah, this is what I like, flirting with that intent. I think they would call us a tease, LR. :D Good thing we don't live in the same area and in the same circle of poly friends, because we would cat fight over who we flirt with.

HAHA... No we wouldn't, because we are poly and we can share. :p (We just need to communicate until we have negotiated our boundaries first.:cool:)

I'll fight ya for Imaginary!!!!
 
redpepper said:
I'll fight ya for Imaginary!!!!
Click to expand...

Hold up there, RP. I am totally into Imaginary, too. And not just his endless supply of lovin' lube, but for his own sweet self. And smokin' hot as he is, I'll bet I'm not the only one, especially after his work on the "sexual element" thread. ;)

How do we work this one out? Pistols at sunrise? :eek: An arm-wrestling tournament? Set up a rotation schedule, share and share alike? :cool:
 
swinging vs poly

To get back to the subject, this was a post showing how someone noted the difference, as seen by her, between swinging and poly. I thought the example to be fairly accurate, in general. The fact that a child was used as an example is irrelevant; it could have been the purchase of a new couch!

Tommy C and I were involved in the swinging lifestyle for quite some time and met many different people with many different dynamics. We have known swingers who were closed to any others than were in their clique of six or eight people (three or four couples), who socialized on all levels, including family events, being exclusive to themselves. Rather like the definition many put on poly!

At the same time, many 'swingers' are apt to not want to 'play' in their own town/city. Swinging is seen with so much negativity that many travel to attend swinging events, for the safety of not being seen by co-workers, family, etc. Geography dictates how often or not you can see your swinging 'partners,' so to say that they are not at a particular life event isn't always about lack of emotions, rather the distance.

I said in another post that most swingers are looking for the 'perfect couple,' to find friends that they can interact with on all levels, someone to share your lives with and connect with. Doesn't that sound like some definitions of poly?

Most swinging events we went to were dances, and NO onsite activity was allowed. These were meant as social functions where you could meet both old and new acquaintances. Granted, there are some that are in swinging just for fuck friends, but many are much more. We no longer swing, but attending one of these functions is also a place 'poly' people can go and enjoy a night out with open-minded and accepting people.

The bottom line is: my personal definition of swinging or poly may not be the same as anyone else's, but is just that, my opinion. We are all entitled to our opinions. Shouldn't we be respecting the right of others to have their own opinions? We don't have to agree, just respect!
 
Sounds like a great idea for Imaginary Illusions International Lube Emporium's INCREDIBLE XMAS SALE!

We'll be putting all our favorite LUBE lines on SALE!...in fact, we're not really selling it...we're practically giving it away!

And just for fun, we'll be settup for a Roman theme this year, complete with a mock-up of the Collosium. How wrong is that for xmas?? But just think, who else in history ever needed as much Lube as the Roman's with thier Bathhouse habits?

Bring the whole family down to watch the spectacle...anyone wanting to participate just need wear a Toga. I'll be first up to toss myself to the felines in the ring...everyone will be sprayed head to toe in our High-Endurance Super-Slick modified Loving Lube-Lube #9 in the flavour of their choice...yes, it's just like catching a greased pig but slipperier and more fun....there's the easy solution ladies, catch me if you can!!! ;)

Everyone's welcome to the mock Roman bathhouse later for rinse and relaxation...(Adults only) Promo Massage Oils free and their use highly encouraged.

'Twas the season for lovin; now 'Tis the Season for Lube'in.
 
Haha! You make me laugh, Imaginary. Thanks for that.

A feline frenzy seems to be where we are at. Sharzees seems good to me after a good lube and oil down.

Purr.

(Derbylicious won't mind, I'm sure! Better get consent first, Imaginary. I will drop her a line. ;))
 
Sorry if it seems I disappeared! No offense was taken on my part to any of the posts. :) Maca and I spent the weekend cuddled up and talking. (GreenGecko had plans in town with his best friend.) So we were off the computer and enjoying each other, for the most part!

I got the cortisone shot yesterday and was down for the count pretty much all day. I woke up a few times off and on, but mostly slept all day. Not sure how well it took, but I'm back to life today. :)

I agree on Ceoli's point that it's hard when ANYONE in a conversation doesn't take full responsibility for their feelings. That is VERY critical. Even right now, I'm under a lot of physical strain due to the pain, and I've caught myself a couple times laying responsibility for my feelings on Maca or GG (not a typical issue of mine) and having to say "Sorry, I'm not clear-headed or even sure what I'm thinking, much less what you mean to be saying or expressing," followed by letting them know that I just need held or comforted because the pain is overwhelming my mind. (They are awesome and have been on top of that and letting it go when something asinine or stupid comes out of my mouth. They haven't let me GET AWAY with it, but they aren't getting their hackles up either, thank goodness!)

I think even the best of us sometimes fail on taking full responsibility for our own emotions.

As for the respect thing that Sea posted-- no, we don't have to agree. But respect makes the conversation run SO much smoother! I agree (in theory) with your observation. It seems to me that one set of friends I have did meet other people who became more important to them through swinging. The others, not so much.

Somewhere on the board recently it was noted that words are simply ATTEMPTS at expressing ideas we have, and often they simply don't do our ideas justice. I think that we all have such intricate, detailed minds that we are sometimes unable to remember that each of us has a DIFFERENT mind, and those just as intricate details are not the same. So when we talk, we often use words we ASSUME we both understand to have the same meaning, but really, we don't.

OK, gotta go heat my neck! More later. :)
 
redpepper said:
Oh yeah, this is what I like, flirting with that intent. I think they would call us a tease, LR. :D

Good thing we don't live in the same area and in the same circle of poly friends, because we would cat fight over who we flirt with..

HAHA... No we wouldn't, because we are poly and we can share. :p (We just need to communicate until we have negotiated our boundaries first...:cool: heh...)

I'll fight ya for Imaginary!!!!
Click to expand...
RP, I have NO doubt we wouldn't be catfighting. We'd be planning the attacks together! ;)
 
Fidelia said:
Hold up there, RP. I am totally into Imaginary, too. And not just his endless supply of lovin' lube, but for his own sweet self. And smokin' hot as he is, I'll bet I'm not the only one, especially after his work on the "sexual element" thread. ;)

How do we work this one out? Pistols at sunrise? :eek: An arm-wrestling tournament? Set up a rotation schedule, share and share alike? :cool:
Click to expand...

I call rotation schedule. I'm not a good shot and my shoulder is out of commission due to my neck, so any other option and I automatically lose. :(
 
If I could just interject my opinion here, take it for what it's worth--

I had an opportunity this summer to meet my partner's swinging "friends." (If putting it in quotes makes it seem sarcastic, I meant it to.)

I have never been in any relationship except a mono, one woman, one man. Swinging never even occurred to me. That's not to say that I judge anyone who has been in that lifestyle. I believe it if works for you, and everyone is on board, do it.

Here's my problem. I met these couples that were swingers, and had no preconceived notions as to who they were. I was willing to be open. I'm not going to judge someone for their lifestyle, especially knowing they could judge me the same way.

Before we had even met up this summer, they knew I wasn't into this lifestyle. They also knew my partners were no longer interested. I guess they didn't believe it. When we all met for lunch, one of the women made it very clear that she was interested in having sex with Tommy. I made it very clear, she could want, she wouldn't have. That was where the judgement came into play.

The previous offer of staying at their place was rescinded. All of a sudden, they were renovating, and it wouldn't be fair to us.

I have often heard of poly people looking down their nose at swingers. I can't even fathom a person in the swinging lifestyle looking down their nose at me, because, guess what, I love my partner, even though he's married.

They treated me like I was a child. I couldn't possibly know what sharing was all about. They were trying to give me ground rules that weren't theirs to give. They aren't a part of our lives. They have no idea what our lives are like. They knew my partners as swingers, but that time has passed.

I'm here to tell you, swinging is not poly. These couples proved that to me. They weren't friends of my partners. If they were, they would have been happy that they found someone who could be part of their lives. All they cared about was that my partners were no longer open to having sex with them.

When someone who is poly is treated with such disrespect because they aren't open to having sex with just anyone, is it any wonder that we dismiss swingers? Some of them have dismissed us, and frankly, if were up to me, I'd tell the people I met this summer that they really need to take a good long hard look at their lives.

Because my partners no longer want to have sex, does that mean you can't be friends? Apparently to those couples, that's exactly what it means. No one has been in contact with them since.

So, yes, a lot of times poly starts with swinging, but to have a truly loving committed relationship, you have to be willing to give up screwing anyone who takes your fancy, to putting your arms around someone who will love you, who puts your feelings before theirs, who isn't in it just for sex, but for intimacy and love.

I may be cynical, but swingers can keep what they have. The ones I met this summer made it perfectly clear that I was somehow lacking.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top