Misty and I are in agreement that our daughter should know before meeting Franco again, but we disagree that she should know before Misty goes on another trip to see her "friend" Franco and kids. Telling her would require telling Misty's parents; if we tell our daughter she can't talk about it with family, it's just going to send a shameful message, right?
To me, 12 is old enough to learn not to "out" people, and learn that you don't tell someone else's news. No, you don't keep a secret if it is hurting you or hurting someone. You find a safe grown up to tell and get help. But someone being LGBTQ+, poly, or in therapy for X, struggling with illness, having a baby, getting ready to quit/change their job, or whatever-- these are things that aren't your story to tell.
In MS, kids are telling each other confidences all the time. Your kid has to be able to differentiate between an "okay secret" and a "bad secret." They learn this from YOU. So teach them.
- Keeping Grandma's present a secret until her actual birthday when we give it to her: That's not hurting anyone. But telling ruins the surprise for Grandma.
- Keeping the friend's confidence that they are gay quiet because they want to be able to tell their own news to one safe person at a time-- That's not hurting anyone. But telling could open them up to bullies who are not safe.
- But if a kid has a gun in their locker and says they plan to shoot their PE class-- tell a teacher! Keeping quiet might lead to people getting shot.
It's your story to tell, and you will tell each of your parents when you're ready. You got to tell your news to Kid, right? You are asking Kid to let you tell your own story to people one at a time.
And if the point of contention is one trip away, how big of a deal is it? Is the trip next month, and after that, you will tell Kid?