abigail
New member
I want to follow up on a previous post from two years ago, but have been struggling with the time to do it. It’s funny how being semi-retired I have less time to myself than I did when I was working full time.
Here is the original post: Why does it always have to be at my house?
The short of it is that my husband and his girlfriend broke up the May following this post. She ended it, but it took some prompting from me, as well as some of his friends, but mostly from me, to keep them apart. I had to do something I promised myself that I would never do. I gave him an ultimatum.
I am not sure where to start, so maybe I should start with the relationship I have with my husband. We both adore each other. We are poly and kinky. We live a D/s lifestyle, but before that we are romantic partners. We both love the idea of having a third partner. It would be beautiful if we can find someone we both can love together as well as individually, much like the fantasy of Professor Marlston and the Wonder Women.
Now, we have had triads in the past, but for one reason or another they did not last. Usually, after a few months someone realizes we are not compatible in some way. I get it, that is called dating. The longest triad we had lasted for two years, and it was fabulous. Then Covid hit, she stopped taking her meds, and lost all perspective on reality. We tried to be supportive of her decisions, but we were unable to find common ground after that and had to end it. So, we keep searching, dating others individually and together, but it is not easy, as many of you may well know.
Our arrangement is that it is okay to date others even if those others are not interested in one of us, but we will always remain open to continue dating together. Any relationship we start must be with that understanding. This was a tension point. His girlfriend did not want him to spend time with others besides me. Anytime he and I played with someone else, he would receive a bunch of drama from his girlfriend. This violated the arrangement I had with my husband. I thrive on threesome energy. If I can no longer have that with my husband, then where does that leave me? He told me it was still his goal. I have no choice but to believe him. I have dated couples without my husband. I enjoy being a unicorn, but it is not as fulfilling as being part of a triad with my husband.
I will refer to my husband as Schroeder and his girlfriend as Lucy. Lucy and Schroeder had a lot in common, and they were able to have a lot of fun together. They have lively discussions about a great many topics, play pool, watch the same kind of TV shows, drink booze, and have great sex together (so I was told). I am sure there were many other things, but I don’t like to know too much about my metamour's relationships.
My husband didn’t discover booze until he was in his forties. It’s pretty impressive when you think about it. I was barely thirteen when I had my first beer. It was disgusting, but cheap and easy to get. He did not drink all that much. Maybe a couple of drinks when we went out, or after dinner. During parties he would tie it on a bit more. However, after meeting Lucy his drinking had increased significantly. He is a big man, and when he becomes stumbling drunk all I can do is leave him where he lies.
I found it interesting that they both loved watching TV shows about murderers. I would jokingly ask if they were looking for ideas to get rid of me. Schroeder doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He is basically Santa Claus. But Lucy, on the other hand, I think she could be capable of it.
The two loved their discussions. They would talk about a good many things, polyamory, kink, politics, religion, sex, community, food, you name it. Many of the discussions were of a controversial nature and they almost always had opinions on different sides. This is significant, because it will later be a major source of my pain.
Whenever Schroeder and Lucy were together he was generally in good spirits, even when there were arguments between them. “Heated” discussions were not uncommon between them. To me, it was part of their relationship together, their kink, so to speak. However, when Lucy was not around and it was just Schroeder and me, Schroeder would vent, to me. I got to hear about all of the gory details of their arguments, the manipulating, and how she would gaslight him during those controversial discussions. She was famous for cutting and pasting old text messages to make her point. In many cases, they would be used out of context. She would go back for many months just to try and prove her point. There was many a time he would be unnerved and aggravated long after she was gone, even days later. When she wasn’t there, they would text, continuing their discussions. I would have to hear about it. It got to a point that I had to ask him not to vent to me. I can only handle so much negativity in my life. But that only made him worse, because he could not vent to anyone. The net result was, whenever she was with him, she got his best, and whenever I was with him, I got his worst. How is that fair in a poly relationship?
Lucy would always be prompt to explain that I shouldn’t be texting my husband when they were together. The funny thing is, I don’t text with him much at all, ever. When we are away, I send a good night and a good morning, unless we have some family business to discuss. Most of the time it is a response to him. But it is okay for her to have arguments with him over text when he is with me.
One time, I was supposed to visit a girlfriend, but I came down with something and wasn’t feeling well, so I cancelled. Lucy got all upset with me because she had plans with my husband. Apparently, those plans meant I was not supposed to be home. Here is the irony, when they were on a weekend trip together, the day they were to return I get a message from Schroeder explaining they decided to extend the trip another day. Hmmmm, where was I in that discussion? The requirements she has on Schroeder and me did not seem to apply to her.
The final nail in this coffin was a scene Schroeder and I had with another girlfriend during a party. Lucy was unable to come to terms with my husband and me playing with her. So, she ended their relationship. I believe this was done as a punishment to my husband. It was not uncommon; they ended it multiple times in the past and stupid me was always the voice of reason getting them back together. Not this time, however. When Schroeder talked about getting back together, I made it clear that Lucy was no longer welcome in our home. He tried to play the D card of our D/s relationship, and that’s where I laid out my ultimatum. “If she steps foot in this house, she can help you pack up your things and you both can depart together.” The words shook him to the core. It was the most uncomfortable thing I have had to say to him and went against my very grain. But I was prepared for the worst. Actually, I had already endured the worst, so even that would have been better.
It is important to note that my husband now recognizes their relationship as being toxic. In his words, she is a narcissist, manipulative and abusive. Many of his friends have congratulated him on the breakup. He tasked me with reminding him of his words if ever he tried to get back together with her. The topic did come up about a year later; I reminded him of his words. I also made it clear that if he decided to date her again that she would not be allowed in this house. He recognized her being manipulative again, and that pretty much buried the coffin. I suspect I will never have to ever hear about it again.
Here is the original post: Why does it always have to be at my house?
The short of it is that my husband and his girlfriend broke up the May following this post. She ended it, but it took some prompting from me, as well as some of his friends, but mostly from me, to keep them apart. I had to do something I promised myself that I would never do. I gave him an ultimatum.
I am not sure where to start, so maybe I should start with the relationship I have with my husband. We both adore each other. We are poly and kinky. We live a D/s lifestyle, but before that we are romantic partners. We both love the idea of having a third partner. It would be beautiful if we can find someone we both can love together as well as individually, much like the fantasy of Professor Marlston and the Wonder Women.
Now, we have had triads in the past, but for one reason or another they did not last. Usually, after a few months someone realizes we are not compatible in some way. I get it, that is called dating. The longest triad we had lasted for two years, and it was fabulous. Then Covid hit, she stopped taking her meds, and lost all perspective on reality. We tried to be supportive of her decisions, but we were unable to find common ground after that and had to end it. So, we keep searching, dating others individually and together, but it is not easy, as many of you may well know.
Our arrangement is that it is okay to date others even if those others are not interested in one of us, but we will always remain open to continue dating together. Any relationship we start must be with that understanding. This was a tension point. His girlfriend did not want him to spend time with others besides me. Anytime he and I played with someone else, he would receive a bunch of drama from his girlfriend. This violated the arrangement I had with my husband. I thrive on threesome energy. If I can no longer have that with my husband, then where does that leave me? He told me it was still his goal. I have no choice but to believe him. I have dated couples without my husband. I enjoy being a unicorn, but it is not as fulfilling as being part of a triad with my husband.
I will refer to my husband as Schroeder and his girlfriend as Lucy. Lucy and Schroeder had a lot in common, and they were able to have a lot of fun together. They have lively discussions about a great many topics, play pool, watch the same kind of TV shows, drink booze, and have great sex together (so I was told). I am sure there were many other things, but I don’t like to know too much about my metamour's relationships.
My husband didn’t discover booze until he was in his forties. It’s pretty impressive when you think about it. I was barely thirteen when I had my first beer. It was disgusting, but cheap and easy to get. He did not drink all that much. Maybe a couple of drinks when we went out, or after dinner. During parties he would tie it on a bit more. However, after meeting Lucy his drinking had increased significantly. He is a big man, and when he becomes stumbling drunk all I can do is leave him where he lies.
I found it interesting that they both loved watching TV shows about murderers. I would jokingly ask if they were looking for ideas to get rid of me. Schroeder doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He is basically Santa Claus. But Lucy, on the other hand, I think she could be capable of it.
The two loved their discussions. They would talk about a good many things, polyamory, kink, politics, religion, sex, community, food, you name it. Many of the discussions were of a controversial nature and they almost always had opinions on different sides. This is significant, because it will later be a major source of my pain.
Whenever Schroeder and Lucy were together he was generally in good spirits, even when there were arguments between them. “Heated” discussions were not uncommon between them. To me, it was part of their relationship together, their kink, so to speak. However, when Lucy was not around and it was just Schroeder and me, Schroeder would vent, to me. I got to hear about all of the gory details of their arguments, the manipulating, and how she would gaslight him during those controversial discussions. She was famous for cutting and pasting old text messages to make her point. In many cases, they would be used out of context. She would go back for many months just to try and prove her point. There was many a time he would be unnerved and aggravated long after she was gone, even days later. When she wasn’t there, they would text, continuing their discussions. I would have to hear about it. It got to a point that I had to ask him not to vent to me. I can only handle so much negativity in my life. But that only made him worse, because he could not vent to anyone. The net result was, whenever she was with him, she got his best, and whenever I was with him, I got his worst. How is that fair in a poly relationship?
Lucy would always be prompt to explain that I shouldn’t be texting my husband when they were together. The funny thing is, I don’t text with him much at all, ever. When we are away, I send a good night and a good morning, unless we have some family business to discuss. Most of the time it is a response to him. But it is okay for her to have arguments with him over text when he is with me.
One time, I was supposed to visit a girlfriend, but I came down with something and wasn’t feeling well, so I cancelled. Lucy got all upset with me because she had plans with my husband. Apparently, those plans meant I was not supposed to be home. Here is the irony, when they were on a weekend trip together, the day they were to return I get a message from Schroeder explaining they decided to extend the trip another day. Hmmmm, where was I in that discussion? The requirements she has on Schroeder and me did not seem to apply to her.
The final nail in this coffin was a scene Schroeder and I had with another girlfriend during a party. Lucy was unable to come to terms with my husband and me playing with her. So, she ended their relationship. I believe this was done as a punishment to my husband. It was not uncommon; they ended it multiple times in the past and stupid me was always the voice of reason getting them back together. Not this time, however. When Schroeder talked about getting back together, I made it clear that Lucy was no longer welcome in our home. He tried to play the D card of our D/s relationship, and that’s where I laid out my ultimatum. “If she steps foot in this house, she can help you pack up your things and you both can depart together.” The words shook him to the core. It was the most uncomfortable thing I have had to say to him and went against my very grain. But I was prepared for the worst. Actually, I had already endured the worst, so even that would have been better.
It is important to note that my husband now recognizes their relationship as being toxic. In his words, she is a narcissist, manipulative and abusive. Many of his friends have congratulated him on the breakup. He tasked me with reminding him of his words if ever he tried to get back together with her. The topic did come up about a year later; I reminded him of his words. I also made it clear that if he decided to date her again that she would not be allowed in this house. He recognized her being manipulative again, and that pretty much buried the coffin. I suspect I will never have to ever hear about it again.
