Predator or mental illness, or both?

starlight1

starlight1

Active member
This falls somewhere between mental illness and poly, and predator proofing but I can no longer keep my internal dilemma to myself.

My metamour is a diagnosed psychopath with schizophrenia too.

she is medicated for the second one, which is treatable, and aware of the first one and has been " trained in social mores of what's right and wrong", held down a six year relationship, job and raised four kids.....
She just doesn't feel empathy while she does this.

Would this be a deal breaker for you?
Why or why not?
debate....go!
 
I don't think this automatically makes one dangerous, even less a predator, especially if she is aware of her illness and has a good support structure in place with her health care team. That being said, I'm not sure I myself could handle being in a close intimate relationship with someone who lacks empathy. People do metamour relationships differently though; I'm not sure I'd want to have a close intimate relationship with a metamour anyhow, so perhaps it makes no real difference as long as your hinge is good at taking care of things and not allowing her illness to dictate things in his life to an unusual extent.
 
If it helps, there's no diagnosis as a "psychopath" within the field of psychology. In addition, schizophrenia and antisocial personality disorder (the closest thing to "psychopath" though with glaring differences) are rarely (ever?) diagnosed together. Likely, it is one or the other (and perhaps likely to be schizophrenia, given that she's taking medication for it).

Sounds like your metamour is getting mental health treatment which is positive. I would certainly not consider someone with schizophrenia a predator simply by their diagnosis.
 
I can't choose my husband's partners but if anyone acted out and seemed to be drama he would not mess around with them.

I would not choose a partner who had a partner with mental problems, I don't want to sacrifice my time with them because of health problems of a metamore.
 
Would this be a deal breaker for you?
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Yes.

Why or why not?
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Because I already have 2 mental health patient people close to me. (One of them lacks boundaries and empathy.)

I don't have the extra energy/time/willingness to build something with a new partner who comes with a partner (that would be my meta) with health stuff of their own.

Galagirl
 
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Schizophrenia and APD (antisocial personality disorder) can be diagnosed together so it is possible that she has both. I don't have any known experience with APD although I dated someone who had a lot of the characteristics. He liked to manipulate people and situations but he wasn't cruel. The main issue I had was I couldn't trust him not to cheat on me (was monogamous at the time.) Once I was better at spotting the manipulation, it didn't bother me as much because I could just choose not to allow myself to be manipulated. Or, if I did 'allow' it then I wasn't really being manipulated, I was choosing to do whatever it was he was trying to get me to do. Honestly, I found him easier to deal with than the people I know with a lot of narcissistic tendencies.

Schizophrenia runs on my father's side of the family. I have multiple family members with schizophrenia. When treatment is working, they're relatively easy to deal with. The main issue we've had is that they get sick of the side effects and stop taking the medicine when they're doing really well... or something will happen and the medication will need to be adjusted and things will get really wonky for awhile.

The combo would probably be a deal breaker for me in a partner because, like Galagirl, I just don't have the time or energy at the moment to deal with it.

But, in a metamour? Depends on the situation. If my hinge is doing his job and the metamour is stable and in therapy and on medication? Maybe.
 
I wouldn't break up with our shared partner unless her issues were a regular issue. I don't get to say whether she is a deal breaker because I don't dictate who my partners date. I would reject her as a potential match if I could tell she had these or similar issues.
 
Re (from OP):
"She is medicated for the second one, which is treatable, and aware of the first one and has been 'trained in social mores of what's right and wrong,' held down a six-year relationship, job and raised four kids ... She just doesn't feel empathy while she does this."
Click to expand...

Point being, she does the right things even if "not for the right reasons." One could even ask, what are the right reasons?

So, I believe this would not be a deal breaker for me.
 
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