So, I have a question...
I have been with my boyfriend for a bit and our anniversary is coming up and I have been thinking about kind of proposing possibly giving him a promise ring.
I am in a Vee and I don’t want to make anyone upset with me giving him a ring.
Anyone have any advice?
I have been with my boyfriend Ryan for a (year?). Our anniversary is coming up. I have been thinking about kind of proposing, possibly giving him a promise ring.
I am in a V. I don’t want my other partner Taylor to be upset if I give Ryan a ring.
Please choose nicknames. I made suggestions, but you can choose others.
How long have you been with Ryan? Is it one year? What are you promising with this ring?
How long have you been with Taylor? Did you also already give them a promise ring? Or are you possibly already engaged or married to them?
Are you living with either partner and sharing household responsibilities, finances, kids, etc.?
Do you want this to be a surprise for Ryan? Do you think he will accept the ring?
Do you want this to be a surprise for Taylor too? Or should you discuss it with them beforehand? I think maybe you should, to avoid upset. Open and honest communication is always a great idea in relationships.
Oh, linking members to your Introduction would help.
I have been in a poly relationship for almost a year. My boyfriend is in a domestic partnership and I am the new guy that he with as well. His other partner and I are friendly but not intimate as we are both in love with my boyfriend. After doing this for a year, I am happy but I wondering how to discuss things that in a way can seem awkward.
I want a future with my boyfriend but I don’t want him to leave the other guy and I’m hopes that one day we will all be kind of living together in some sense. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?
So, you're a leg of a V. Ryan isn't married to Taylor, it's just a domestic partnership. Are you thinking you can just get engaged to Ryan without even discussing this with the guy he is already living with?
Do either of them have any desire at all to live with you?
Giving a ring is pointless without having several in depth discussions with both guys about their desires for the future!
Dating for one year is a bit early to get engaged or make serious promises about "forever" nowadays.
Oh, linking members to your Introduction would help.
So, you're a leg of a V. Ryan isn't married to Taylor, it's just a domestic partnership. Are you thinking you can just get engaged to Ryan without even discussing this with the guy he is already living with?
Do either of them have any desire at all to live with you?
Giving a ring is pointless without having several in depth discussions with both guys about their desires for the future!
Dating for one year is a bit early to get engaged or make serious promises about "forever" nowadays.
May I ask what the motivation is for your desire to propose? It really makes a difference, imo. If the motivation is that you want to set the intention that you consider this a long-term, possibly lifelong commitment...then you can discuss that without proposing. Or, maybe you're just overflowing with love and want to celebrate that? If so, you can do that without proposing, too. Or, maybe the desire comes from a place of insecurity? Not knowing how you fit in since your partner has a nesting partner, or wanting the option of living together but not knowing if that's possible given his nesting partner... then you can discuss those things, too.
My own personal opinion, is that marriage should be discussed in detail before proposing so that you know if you're compatible for marriage. If the two of you haven't discussed what you are to one another and what that may look like down the line...then I'd start there. Thing is, there are many people (myself included) who do not wish to be married.
As for the anniversary, there are still many ways you can celebrate your love for one another that are meaningful and special and don't include promise rings or engagements.
I just want to clarify, this promise ring, would it signify a long-term commitment per se, or would it actually signify an engagement to be married?
I am thinking you may want to meet privately with your boyfriend's other partner (the other leg of the V), explain your thoughts about the promise ring, and say that you only want to do it if he (your boyfriend's other partner) is okay with it. This way he would know you are respecting his wishes. If he says okay, you could also mention if you want to surprise your boyfriend with the ring, if his other partner would also be willing to keep it a secret for you so that you could make it a surprise.
I am going to disagree with the idea of talking about it with the metamour before talking about it with the boyfriend. To me personally, this reflects an "ownership" model of relationships. Kind of like when MrS asked me if he should ask my father for "permission" before he would (theoretically) propose. Hell to the NO! The only person's permission that you need is mine, Buddy, and you have it...so there!) But we talked a ton about marriage and what it meant and didn't mean to us before that point. (More philosophy in my Journey blog.)
While I agree that it is important to know whether metamour would be on board or mortally offended - in the long run, it is the boyfriend that needs to accept or reject the ring (and whatever it means). So discuss it with the boyfriend first, like:
"Say...for your consideration. I am at the point in our relationship where I would like to make a gesture of my commitment to our future at some point. Is that something that you would be interested in? What would that look like to you? A ring? A ceremony? Or something less formal? Is that something that you think your OSO ('other significant other') would be comfortable with?"
Dude is not into ceremonies (or jewelry) but we have been together for 8 years and are all living together and sharing finances, etc. We talked about what commitment meant to us. I talked with MrS about what significance jewelry/etc. had to him, etc.
Today? I wear jewelry, the boys don't. MrS has a wedding band tattooed on his left ring finger and I have my engagement ring and wedding band on mine. On my right hand I have a Gear Ring on my thumb from Dude and MrS's wedding band on my middle finger (and a signet ring professing my profession on the ring finger). I say that I have my "traditional" hand and my "non-traditional" hand. Everyone is satisfied and happy.
