Questions about a polyamorous relationship

C

celyr

New member
Can it still be considered a polyamorous relationship if only one person is polyamorous?

I'm not saying that we both aren't into the idea. But what if it's just not possible for me to find anyone else that wants to be with me? I mean, I've looked and tried, but idk. This whole situation really upsets me and I just need someone to talk to.
 
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Uou know what? Just never mind. No one ever wants anything to do with me, not even my fiancée. Maybe it's just me and I am a horrible person, like my mother always says. fml.
 
What! That's bullshit. It's nothing to do with what your mother says! You can be as poly as the day is long and not date anyone. My PN hasn't dated in over a year and he is poly. He's just taking a break. Don't get yourself down, it isn't becoming. If you want to attract a potential partner you've got to keep your chin up and your spirits high.

My mother has pulled that kind of shit on me in my childhood and I am refusing to believe her. She doesn't know who I am on the inside. I do, and I am worthy of whatever I want to create in my life. You are too.
 
Thank you for your comment. My fiancee wont even look at me most days. Idk what to do. I've tried being confident about the situation but it's really discouraging when no one wants to even talk to you. And it wasn't always just my mom, it was almost everyone bringing me down-- countless bullies, my family, strangers.
 
What Redpepper said, times a thousand. Please submit to your brain for consideration: it's more than possible that your mother is wrong. Being a mother (or an egg donor) does not convey god-like 'right' status. She's a human being, and sounds like a perfectly fallible one at that.

If your fiancee doesn't want anything to with you, why is she your fiancee? Keep reading here. There are as many ways to do poly as there are people (and probably more).
 
Hi there! A situation where one member of the couple IDs as polyamorous and the other doesn't is usually called a poly/mono or mono/poly relationship.
 
I'm confused. Your fiancee doesn't look at you and you can't find anyone else? Could you say more about your story? I'm a bit lost as to what is going on.
 
(Thanks for merging the threads, mods!) Hmm, am I sensing here a "I/we don't want to break up, but I/we don't really want to be together either, so maybe having other partners will keep them from leaving me?" theme? Seriously, if your primary relationship is in trouble, introducing poly will only make matters worse.
 
Don't stay in this if you are mono, struggle with self worth and have a lot of past stuff to get through. Mono/poly relationships are tricky to begin with, for people with great self esteem. They can destroy people who don't. I seriously would be considering getting out and finding someone that is similar to me so as to work together on some of this stuff and NOT date others, unless your fiancee is willing to work with you and not date or take on lovers for a VERY long time, and until you have worked on yourself. Therapy sounds like a plan, don't you think?
 
I love counselling/therapy. I firmly believe that there is no person on earth who can't benefit from regular, or at least occasional, therapy sessions.

There are definitely some issues here completely unrelated to poly or marriage or anything relationship-related.

You need to focus on yourself and find out what you need to make yourself happy. I'll get you started: it has nothing to do with any other person on the planet, not your mom or your fiancee or the cute girl at the post office.

I think one thing that can help boost your self esteem is volunteering. I'm thinking something like Big Sisters/Brothers or visiting with old people in nursing homes. There are lots of people out there with the same kinds of issues you have, and helping them is a great way to help yourself. Plus, it gets you out of your mind for a while, lets you focus on something in-the-moment, and you're sure to get some gratitude that will make it even better.
 
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