Oh boy, I'm in an interesting situation. I will try and keep it short but keep context.
I have an ex who I dated for 3 years, in a monogamous relationship. The relationship was overall really good. We never had bad fights. We communicated really well in the beginning but things started to falter in the last year. He broke it off. I was really torn up about it, but it wasn't a surprise to me when it happened. We both needed to work on our own stuff, and being together was inhibiting growth.
We stopped talking for about 3 months entirely. After that, we visited the idea of becoming friends. I still really valued having him in my life. We also have a lot of hobbies that overlap and communities where it can be hard to avoid each other.
Fast forward to present day. We had been doing a really good job being friends. We started to get a bit comfortable, going out to a movie or having dinner at their house... and eventually maybe exchanging a hug that lasted a little too long.
As soon as I felt the change, I brought it up, and revaluated whether we could still be friends. And if we wanted to. I realized that I wanted more, and wanted to try this again.
The kicker here is that he has started dating and is currently in a poly relationship with someone. I have been dating too, dipping my toes back into that world. I haven't been navigating it well and shifted focus to therapy and my personal goals instead. I had been in a triad and was curious about re-entering the poly world.
We got together and talked it out... I shared how I felt and that I would like to be romantic again. He was open with me about being in a poly relationship with someone. I honestly was really excited to hear about it. I kept thinking how funny it was that we weren't poly in our own relationship, as we both gravitated in that direction. I guess I didn't think it was possible for us back then.
Now I'm here with an other opportunity to be connected to someone I deeply care about in a new way.. I impulsively kissed him and things kind of accelerated from there and we hooked up. I'm feeling a bit guilty for going so fast but I don't regret it. I know there's real work for us to do to understand why our past relationship didn't work and I'm willing and wanting to ensure those cycles are nipped in the bud.
I know I jumped in head first
and we should've slowed down and included his new partner in the discussion before skipping steps. I'm not aware of their arrangements and was just elated to reconnect with someone I really care about. I'm being mindful now and doing the responsible things (albeit out of order), like sharing STD tests and figuring out my own boundaries and how not to break them as I have done in the past. I'm a lot more grounded and regulated in my life now than I was before and have been really working on communication and understanding myself.
I'm hoping I didn't cause too much drama with his current partner. This is all so fresh and I think I just needed to lay it out there. I understand that I didn't go about it in the best way and I'm trying to learn to slow down and correct the behavior for the future. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. Words of encouragement? Advice for moving forward?
I've already been reading all the poly books with a friend, as she's been dipping her toes into the world, as well. I'm trying to be informed and make sure I'm putting the effort in to make this work.
I have an ex who I dated for 3 years, in a monogamous relationship. The relationship was overall really good. We never had bad fights. We communicated really well in the beginning but things started to falter in the last year. He broke it off. I was really torn up about it, but it wasn't a surprise to me when it happened. We both needed to work on our own stuff, and being together was inhibiting growth.
We stopped talking for about 3 months entirely. After that, we visited the idea of becoming friends. I still really valued having him in my life. We also have a lot of hobbies that overlap and communities where it can be hard to avoid each other.
Fast forward to present day. We had been doing a really good job being friends. We started to get a bit comfortable, going out to a movie or having dinner at their house... and eventually maybe exchanging a hug that lasted a little too long.
As soon as I felt the change, I brought it up, and revaluated whether we could still be friends. And if we wanted to. I realized that I wanted more, and wanted to try this again.
The kicker here is that he has started dating and is currently in a poly relationship with someone. I have been dating too, dipping my toes back into that world. I haven't been navigating it well and shifted focus to therapy and my personal goals instead. I had been in a triad and was curious about re-entering the poly world.
We got together and talked it out... I shared how I felt and that I would like to be romantic again. He was open with me about being in a poly relationship with someone. I honestly was really excited to hear about it. I kept thinking how funny it was that we weren't poly in our own relationship, as we both gravitated in that direction. I guess I didn't think it was possible for us back then.
Now I'm here with an other opportunity to be connected to someone I deeply care about in a new way.. I impulsively kissed him and things kind of accelerated from there and we hooked up. I'm feeling a bit guilty for going so fast but I don't regret it. I know there's real work for us to do to understand why our past relationship didn't work and I'm willing and wanting to ensure those cycles are nipped in the bud.
I know I jumped in head first
and we should've slowed down and included his new partner in the discussion before skipping steps. I'm not aware of their arrangements and was just elated to reconnect with someone I really care about. I'm being mindful now and doing the responsible things (albeit out of order), like sharing STD tests and figuring out my own boundaries and how not to break them as I have done in the past. I'm a lot more grounded and regulated in my life now than I was before and have been really working on communication and understanding myself.I'm hoping I didn't cause too much drama with his current partner. This is all so fresh and I think I just needed to lay it out there. I understand that I didn't go about it in the best way and I'm trying to learn to slow down and correct the behavior for the future. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. Words of encouragement? Advice for moving forward?
I've already been reading all the poly books with a friend, as she's been dipping her toes into the world, as well. I'm trying to be informed and make sure I'm putting the effort in to make this work.
New agreements and clarity to be made with their partnership. I feel bad. But I know it's not my relationship to manage... Some repair needs to happen, and that means some extra time may need to be allocated. I'm totally ok with that, considering the decision to slow down.
