Recently came out as bi and poly and need huge advice

Laika

New member
Hi,

I'm a 26 yo bisexual female from Istanbul. I've always had issues with my monogamous relationships. They often ended with infidelity or my bfs being jealous of the close relationship with my gfs. Then I came out as bisexual which is also very recent.

I started to see casually one of my exes after 4 years and he is the only guy i was feeling safe by being fully myself near him. We were discussing about trying something more. We had a threesome with his bff couple of times and last time they also shared something betwen each other they havent shared before. They are also confused about it because it was a first for them. I really like seeing them together, it doesn't bother me at all in fact it turns me on and makes me feel like we are a whole.

They talked about their situation one of them is ok and one is hesitant but we didnt talk about what would happen next, i guess we'll wait and see.

We all are very comfortable with each other, i love their company and want to create my poly life with them but don't know how to start it since I don't know how should i talk to them about it. They are already having a confusing situation for themselves. I'm afraid of scaring them off by talking about to create a relationship out of us. I don't want a closed relationship but I want three of us to be the core and stay that way.

I really have no idea how it starts. It seems like it will happen on its own but it might not too... Or i am just too excited for this. :eek:

I really appreciate if someone can guide me.
 
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Hi Laika,

It sounds like you need to have a long heart-to-heart with your guy and his BFF. You may have an idea of a triad in mind, but first you'll have to sort out how the other two feel.

I'll keep following your thread here, and think of whatever advice I can.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
By all means, have fun!

As much as some of us like to organize things & define structures & create solution sets, the fact is that love & sex & sensory awareness & all that stuff are very individualistic.

For instance, I consider myself bisexual, yet I'm not attaracted at all to the vast majority of men I've met in my life. There's still some embers between me & my first (for lack of a better word) boyfriend -- who, like me, finds guys to be "the exception to the rule" -- though we went different directions 30 years ago. Aside from him, there've been a few flirtations, but nothing overwhelming.

You might experience much the same as far as polyamory: an ideal fit given the persons involved & the present situation, but not something you'd feel compelled to pursue under other circumstances.

Your triad is still forming, really. Don't rush to make it fit into some pattern. There's little enough joy in life!
 
How about just being honest and report where you are at? It sounds like you want to say something like


"Look, I know you two are processing our last threesome because in it you both shared something with each other you haven't shared before. I see one of you is ok and one is hesitant. I don't want to intrude on duo conversation there.

I do want to make you aware that I am supportive and it is ok however it turns out.

  • I love both your company and if this stays as occasional threesomes, that's ok.
  • If threesomes need to stop, that's ok.
  • If you both want to talk about it being something else like we three date as a core group while also being Open to others -- that's ok.

Basically I want you both to know I am available to talk when you both are ready for conversation in trio. I know I would like to have one at some point so I can have some clarity."​

Then let it be whatever it will be. They can fishing their talk in duo and then talk with you in trio also.

Galagirl
 
çThank you all for your advice. Thanks to you i had a clear mind about this. Since they are Turkish men they are not really open to heart to heart conversations. So I talked with them seperately in a fun manner.

I realized they don't want anything. My ex is ok to experiment stuff with me but it's just that. The other guy... Well I don't know why but I was more obsessed with him and hoping he would be ok since he is the older one and my ex does everything he wants usually. Oh my ex is 23 and this guy is 34 btw. I wanted to meet with him seperately but he is ghosting on me. He is only ok if we are a trio. So he is just another guy who is a 3 yearold hedonist :p

Anyways, I realized nothing will happen as I want and I shouldn't force or try to make it happen. I was just too excited, feeling the same things for both and it made me happy but I forgot where I live... At least I can be honest myself. I don't want to ruin it, I will just enjoy life as it is. And in the end I will be happy for living in the moment.

I really really appreciate your sincere comments, it wouldn't be wrong if i say those were the most honest and supportive advices i ever had. I didn't feel alone.

If anything changes I will let you know.
 
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Sorry things didn't work out quite like you were hoping. Your good attitude is admirable, and I'm sure you're right, you can just enjoy what you have. It almost sounds like a V? if you'll be continuing to see both guys (just not all three of you together at one time)? I might have got that part wrong, sorry ...

Keep us posted.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Well I didnt't exactly want a V so you were not wrong. I wanted something a combination of all possibilities between each other. Too much to ask I guess :) But together they are better and it looks like it will continue like that.

Today I also realized it is more like a V, communication wise at the moment, and i'm not the one in center. So I am just going to let things slide
 
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