strugglebus
New member
Hello all,
I've been having a bit of an internal dilemma and would really appreciate some advice and support. For context, my partner is considering hooking up with a new datemate, who has disclosed to her that they have HSV-2. Before having sex, my partner consulted me on my feelings about things, as we had never really discussed our boundaries regarding STI risk before. Now, I believe wholeheartedly and strongly that herpes is an overstigmatized infection with little-to-no serious health consequences for otherwise healthy individuals, and people with herpes should be able to have fulfilling sex lives without having to face shame for having a very common infection. I also believe that my partner should have the ultimate decision making power when it comes to her own sexual interactions. However, I have OCD that makes me have a very extreme amount of anxiety around medical things, and it has gotten much worse ever since a recent viral infection got me hospitalized for sepsis and nearly killed me. In recent weeks I have sometimes found it difficult to even be in the same room as other people, so the thought of risking another infection makes me very emotional. The rational part of my brain wants to tell my partner that I'm okay with anything so long as she communicates honestly and uses protection, but my OCD makes it very difficult to actually be comfortable with that, and the cognitive dissonance is tearing me apart. If anyone could offer advice on resolving this dissonance, or setting boundaries healthily, or just about anything really, I'd appreciate it a lot.
TL;DR: My partner wants to have sex with someone who has HSV-2. I want to support her in that decision rationally, but my OCD makes it very difficult to actually feel comfortable with it. What do I do?
I've been having a bit of an internal dilemma and would really appreciate some advice and support. For context, my partner is considering hooking up with a new datemate, who has disclosed to her that they have HSV-2. Before having sex, my partner consulted me on my feelings about things, as we had never really discussed our boundaries regarding STI risk before. Now, I believe wholeheartedly and strongly that herpes is an overstigmatized infection with little-to-no serious health consequences for otherwise healthy individuals, and people with herpes should be able to have fulfilling sex lives without having to face shame for having a very common infection. I also believe that my partner should have the ultimate decision making power when it comes to her own sexual interactions. However, I have OCD that makes me have a very extreme amount of anxiety around medical things, and it has gotten much worse ever since a recent viral infection got me hospitalized for sepsis and nearly killed me. In recent weeks I have sometimes found it difficult to even be in the same room as other people, so the thought of risking another infection makes me very emotional. The rational part of my brain wants to tell my partner that I'm okay with anything so long as she communicates honestly and uses protection, but my OCD makes it very difficult to actually be comfortable with that, and the cognitive dissonance is tearing me apart. If anyone could offer advice on resolving this dissonance, or setting boundaries healthily, or just about anything really, I'd appreciate it a lot.
TL;DR: My partner wants to have sex with someone who has HSV-2. I want to support her in that decision rationally, but my OCD makes it very difficult to actually feel comfortable with it. What do I do?