What would your emotional reaction/thoughts be if you were a poly/mono switch (you could do either poly or mono), suspected someone was dating someone else, gave them the opportunity to talk about it, which they ducked, hard, multiple times, then found out later after you stopped dating they did open relationships?
Asking for a friend (not really. But I’m not sure what I feel, and would love to see the spectrum of responses.)
It depends on what each participant thinks that "dating" means. NYCIndie used to point out that (pardon me if I get it wrong in paraphrase) dating can be an end to itself, not necessarily an "audition" for a more committed relationship. Just getting together to enjoy each others' company and get to know another person. Getting to know a person may include learning about their preferred relationship style and dating habits. Or finding out if there was enough chemistry to care about such.
Given the "opportunity to talk about it"? And ducking "multiple times"? Sounds like a.) that the asker was not being direct, and b.) more than one (or a few) dates
So was it: "I was dating 3-4 people last spring, but none of them panned out." (Opportunity?) or "Are you dating anyone else right now?" (Direct question?)
But then - a.) I don't "date", b.) I am a very direct person, c.) I don't care. So, if I am hanging out or sleeping with someone and they think that we are "dating" then they should tell me what they expect from that, and I will tell them if that is reasonable. If I want to know the answer to a question, then I need to
ask the question, and if they won't, then I would say "I asked you a question, you didn't answer, is this something that you are willing to discuss? If not, then I really don't want to continue ____." The only reason that I would care if someone was seeing someone else is to ascertain whether or not they were being honest with THAT person, as I have a personal boundary (now) about helping people (that I care about) cheat on their agreements.
