Sailing Solo

I met Mr "Potential Dom" last Sunday. He was very nice, let me be nervous and awkward for a while, gave me a drink and we chatted till I stopped giggling and speaking very quickly.

We had a kind of "intro to play" session. No PIV but other stuff. Since I liked him and agreed to meet again he has been sending me really graphic messages. Well, one huge block of text erotic text per day. He says he is not "A Dom, but is "Dominant". I don't see that as there is talk of training, punishment, I already had 3 tasks. Looks like "A Dom" to me! I think he may have other subs but not sure.

I am avoiding blowing up his phone with texts and just keeping messages to every day or so and keeping in line with the D/s theme. In the past I thrown myself in a bit too enthusiastically with the messages and have really pulled back with the last few people. Distance is a factor but I'll be working significantly closer in August. He the big house with pool and adding to some hints I have gleaned from him, have led me to believe he likes the ladies to come to him. I am kind of over that as Prof was the same. " I have the big house with all the toys so you come here." Prof was only 20 minutes away so it wasn't an awful drive but it did hurt my feelings that he wouldn't sleep over at my house apart from on the very rare occasion. I am also not willing to be only a sub and turn up for sex. I did mention that briefly and he seemed on board with it being other activities too.

Prof is still not speaking to me, and apart from mailing him the monthly phone money I have not initiated any contact.

I am seeing Eeyore in 2 weeks. We have virtually no texting contact outside of scheduling. He likes chatting with overseas women. Says that way there are no expectations and he never has to turn up anywhere! I feel confident in slapping the label FB on him. But I think he would help out in an emergency if I needed him.

2 months left of work! Then taking July off, I have the kids for 3 weeks per the parenting agreement and then the ex has them for one. He has another 2 but spread them out. I don't want to put them in camps or care 1) because I can't afford it and 2) the younger one is already crying at the though of having to spend most of June is some sort of daycare. The Boys and Girls Club is actually very reasonable but the younger one hates it and wants me to let him back to his old "at home" daycare which costs 5 times the amount per day and is across town. I will do it because without him knowing it, I feel terribly guilty already that they have to go into before school and after school and vacation care as standard. New job is fine with me starting August 1st so it will work out.

Mr Dom and I still chat all day. No mention of him coming down anytime soon and I haven't asked. Look at me being all chill!
 
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This is what I typed to add to a thread in the General Poly Questions thread, but posting on the main threads is apparently my equivalent of mingling in social settings so I will post in my equivalent of a 1:1 setting...


Me, two kids and two cats. I have no desire to live with anyone else and have lived "alone" for over 7 years.

There are a number of definitions and descriptions of introverts.

I am not shy, can easily run large meetings, travelled the globe by myself, give large presentations and trainings but I am truly terrible at small talk and mingling. I like socializing with people 1:1. Anymore than that and I mostly stop talking and listen.

In the past I have tried to take an interest in partners other partners, meet quite a few, but it never worked out terribly well. I have a small and tight group of friends and those relationships usually take years to cultivate.

More introvert than extrovert but yet my office door is always open unless there is a specific confidentiality based reason to close it. However, after last's weekend's 2 major large group social activities, I had run of words by Sunday and didn't speak to anyone pretty much all day till I went to meet Mr Potential Dom in the evening. That is classic introvert behavior.


Then added after..

I think this is why I describe myself as open/poly. I lack what I perceive to be the interest in what my other partners are doing "we are Open to doing whatever whatever suits in our individual time," but I love my particular partners in a very slow to heat up style that leads to a long and deep love = poly.

I am pretty much solo poly again, maybe I should change my self label to open/poly/solo. My relationship with Mr Dom is currently non-sexual but we are highly emotionally connected, I love him dearly. Prof is not speaking to me but I haven't stopped loving and caring about him. I have maintained a relationship with Eeyore coming up on 4 years and I believe we are very fond of each other and I have space in my heart to love more.
 
I met with Mr Potential Dom, the best short name I can come up with is Mr Pod.
We had a BDSM session went out to dinner and had a second session, I left at around 11:30pm and the drive took slightly under an hour at that time of the night. The sessions were pretty good, I told him I am not into sharing silicon based toys, this leads to weird conversations via txt and phone yesterday.

There are a number of red flags. He was pretty short with the waiter at the restaurant, it was a high end restaurant and he said he expects much better service when paying that kind of money. I felt a little uncomfortable. He asked me for a list of what I enjoyed and what I didn't during the sessions. I replied I think that is best done by phone and he sent me his email address. I asked him for an outline of what he wanted and he sent a list, so I went through it, wrote replies and said again I think this is best done in person or by phone. the text went downhill over the use of shared toys. Without belabouring this too much, he did end up calling and was he pretty short tempered and borderline rude. He said when he I read his messages I should read them slowly and carefully because he is very clear and I am being a pain about the subject. I was driving along feeling like a child being berated by their parent for messing up their homework. I left my favorite cover-up at his house by accident so need to get that. We are not meeting for 2 weeks so it gives time for things to either settle down or I won't bother again. He is what I go for... unavailable, very Dom, extremely intelligent on the work level, low E.Q. and presents as somewhat uncaring though a great parent. But I am trying to change my pattern so not really up for doing this again.

Speaking of uncaring smart people. Prof. I am bad. I am playing predict-a-behavior. I sent him a very apologetic email with the thought that...1) He will take a while to reply 2) be very busy and offer to meet sometime in the future 3) meet to tell me how busy and how much fun he is having 4) offer to meet me again after a suitable period of time after that initial meeting, once he feels I am worthy of his attention and after he has done all these fun things that I am not invited to 5) Return to the same pattern of me walking on eggs shells wondering how I can keep him interested.

Steps 1 and 2 are complete. He has offered to meet in early June. Maybe we can work out some better type of communication and break the cycle, that would be best, but I don't know if we can.

I saw Mr Dom on Tuesday. I met him for breakfast and then lunch. He is excited about his new place and me having a new job which would cut the drive from 2.5 hours to 1.5 to see him. He is also talking about him being able to come and meet me more. We miss each other.

I have a couple of potential meets today, but being on-line dating I'll be surprised if any of them actually happen. One lives about 30 minutes away and 1 is an hour.







Speaking
 
Neither of the two meets actually happened on Saturday, surprise! but i may be meeting the more local of them tomorrow. I basically gave up responding to him and then asked if he wanted to meet and he said yes. So we will see. If he cancels or tries to reschedule then I am done.

Mr Pod is now very very chatty via text. He sends me very long erotic messages. We have branched off into other areas of chat too, so it is not all about the BDSM. He is assigning me some tasks before we meet next week, I didn't ask for them, but I like that he is taking the initiative. He is so very much my type, smart, successful, and not looking for a GF. I did some reading about attachment avoiding people with him and Prof in mind. It was so very much like looking in a mirror. Choosing people who obviously don't want a relationship, changing jobs, traveling and moving easily. But I am fine with it right now. I did my sparkle rainbow unicorn love and I don't think I want that again. Slow burn is more my style. Very slow. I am also very aware that I wasn't overly impressed with his behavior last time we met in person. Texting is very easy.

I am heading out with Eeyore shortly. No formal-strings-attached sex and some good talk and laughs. I need a break. I am tired of the endless work.

I hate the new Captcha letters thing. I wasn't a big fan of the street names but these letters aaargh
 
I met one of the no-shows from the weekend for coffee. I am so glad I have a healthy sense of personal safety. During there "Where do you live?" chat he repeatedly asked me which specific street I live on. During the "Where do you work?" part he kept trying to find out the exact place where I worked. I probably gave little too much info but I use a fake name online and never told him my real name. I use google voice too, so he doesn't have my real number. He asked me to meet again for lunch, I declined and then he started messaging after I had left.
"So you are not interested."
My: It was nice to meet you and I wish you the best of luck.
"You didn't like what you saw?"
Me: Sometimes it is not a match.
"I put all the facts in my profile."

Block, delete. I feel weirded out. He was like Mr Tile. Lots of swearing and retelling tales of fights, talking over me, and mansplaining. He runs a reputable business with yelp reviews etc so there were no major red flags before hand. I did google him. He kept touching me. One of those self-proclaimed "nice guys" who gets angry when people see through the nice guy veneer.

I must admit I am not finding it beneficial to actually reply in the negative to dates, no more, "Thanks, but we are not a match." The responses to that have repeatedly been angry, then turns into "fuck you, bitch." as if they can bully you into thinking they are really great. Block/Delete.


I am unsettled. I just tried to google myself with what information he has. Not enough for anything to come up and who does come up is not me. This is not a good feeling. I need to go distract myself.
 
All recovered from Mr Weirdo "Nice Guy". And props to me for being so cautious with identifying details.

Mr PoD is chatting up at storm. We talked yesterday as he was annoyed that I keep putting a caveat into the sexy texts. Cum swallowing makes me gag. People spitting make me gag. There is more but stomach roils just typing it.
He said he doesn't know why I keep adding that when he has an IQ of 151 and a photographic memory and knows I don't like cum in my mouth. I told him my IQ is 152 ( it is not, I played with Mensa tests a few years ago and gave it up as a load of rot as one measure is not adequate) and what measures did he use to arrive at that number? Is that result his crystal or fluid IQ? I also said that establishing communication norms takes time between people and it is quite all right to pick up the phone to clarify. He said he is very clear and never miscommunicates. I nearly fell over laughing at that one. It was a good talk. I maybe a sub but I am not submissive. He later sent me a text saying he likes me, then sent another one saying he likes me a lot:D and he wants to fuck me for a long time :D:D:D
I did tell him I was winding him up about the I.Q score, it had gone right over his head that I made it exactly one point higher. :rolleyes::D
I am excited about meeting up next week, he has lots of good ideas and says he has memorized the email I sent him a week or so ago with my preferences.
 
Very tired with the endless work. I am not one to work to 2 am but I am often emailing in bed and over breakfast at 6am. I won't miss the emails at all, the people yes, but not the emails.

I am failing very badly at masturbation task sets by Sir aka Mr PoD. I am too tired and reading House of Leaves (reddit recommendation ) which requires a certain degree of effort.
Mr PoD prefers to be called Master, but I said not at this time maybe later.

We had a 10 minute chat yesterday, I said I had a 10 minute window and he timed it, it over ran to 11. I hardly said a word as I was laughing so hard. He went on a humerous rant about a block of text I sent. He said I could have used 4 words and not 400. He writes huge blocks of text so I gave my best effort at emulating him. I must have spoken for less than 5% of the time, he write epic long texts and can talk up a storm too.

We texted for a good block of the morning and at one point, rather than resorting to his usual slightly annoyed tone about miscommunication, he actually asked" Curious as to why you interpreted my text like that." I explained his use of words and he actually agreed with me. Then said he was going to give up trying to unpick the misunderstandings or let them go because i was going to drive him crazy.

He is actually quite a nice person despite the miscommunications, there was another one over me buying toys for the next play session. He had offered for me to pay and get reimbursed or use his credit number :eek: I was not comfortable with either option so skirted around the issue rather than come out and say why I didn't want to.

I also texted that I like compliments for being a good sub and used the fishing emoji. He said I don't have to fish and that will remember that. I told him I have no problem with outright asking, which is what I did, just that I used some humor.

I am somewhat nervous about Wednesday, we have only met twice before and he wants me to do some new things to him. I can ask him to be patient and he will.
I also do not like driving for an hour to get home late at night and I don't think sleepovers are on the card yet and I'd be on an almost 1 hour 45 minute drive to work in the morning, so that is not much of an option either. We are going to look at calendars this week for some weekend time. It will be much easier when I am at my new job, if we are still seeing each other when that starts because the new job is not terribly far from where he lives.
 
Last night went really well despite me having annoyed him via text again about some gifts he said he to give to me. Instead of just replying "thank you," I did a silly message about one of them being a pony. Apparently that was quite the hot button for him and he was offended and said he was contemplated throwing them in the trash! He said he rarely buys gifts for people outside of family and bought me gifts because he wanted me to know he was thinking about me. I felt like quite the jerk. I also learned he does not like being teased, in the jokey sense of the word.
He had got me 2 tartlets, the packaging of which I haven't seen the style of since my years in Japan. Very elaborate and, I must admit awfully wasteful, and a family pack of tickets to a local attraction. We split one the tartlets and it was very good.

We had a very good bdsm session on the dining room table. Restraints, whips and various toys then out to dinner. He had looked up local restaurants that were open late as last time we went out most of the places stopped serving before 9. I was impressed by that effort. We had a light session after that as I said I wanted to get home before 12. This lead to a discussion about calendars, turns out he will drive to my town and would have let me sleep over last time but he says I just got up and left. I think it was best to leave anyway. I am quite the one for getting overly enthusiastic too early.

We also had an interesting chat about why I am not his usual type, he brought up the topic not me His type since divorce has been females about 30 years younger than himself. I am 6 years younger. He likes very hot young females who make heads turn and give him an ego boost. His words not mine. But yet he asked me no to wear any make-up as he said I looked prettier without it. I don't wear heavy make up and have reverted to mostly wearing none at all to work. Interesting.

I think the best chats were about communication and the frequent miscommunicating. He said he is getting the hang of not being annoyed and just asking for clarification. He did most of the talking throughout the evening. It reminded me of my therapist saying I should try to make conversations 50% 50% talk and listening. Mr Dom and I joked that for him and I and for Prof it tends to be 80/20. It was probably similar last night. So adding to my list of things I find attractive is men who talk a lot. Mr PoD does actually listen to what I say so that is good
 
I saw Mr Chef on Saturday night. I haven't seen him since January when we had the strange night of him accusing me of being an insurance claims investigator. I also entirely went over the top with the texts etc and was too intense. Anyway, over the past 5 months he will occasionally text and chat. I have messaged him a couple of times when I have been his area, one time he agreed to meet and cancelled at the last minute. I had decided not to bother anymore. He messaged me at around 6pm on Saturday I was very cautious and gave generic "fine and you?" type answers, not willing to be a source of text entertainment anymore. He then asked me if I wanted to visit and hang out with some of his friends and bbq. So I did. It was a fun night. We talked until 4 am! A little fooling around but nothing too much. I slept in his bed for a few hours, got up and chatted for about an hour in the morning before heading home. I don't plan on sending any messages, if he wants to initiate he can.

I think I learned something from how I screwed up with Mr Chef. I need to slow down and not try not to be too intense too quickly. I have been backing of slightly with Mr PoD for fear of doing the same thing. Mr PoD sent me a lit of his June availability and a long, slightly weird text about how he has "dumped" a couple of his FBs and plans to break up with a couple more due to time limitations but says he will keep me around and doesn't think he will "tire" of me anytime soon :eek: Way to give a backhanded compliment. He is so like Prof and I am the same me over and over again.
 
Prof reappeared. He sent a invitation to meet in one email and a pic of our spring trip.
I am certainly apprehensive about meeting but whatever will be will be.
 
Prof had no idea why I was concerned about breaking up. He said he couldn't speak to me while he got the Google issue resolved and now it is resolved things are fine. He was out of the state and country for a month and he knew there was no opportunity to talk until then so he didn't talk. We are still on for the wedding he wants to do some glamping with the kids in the summer. No idea why I would be worried. He unblocked me on his phone too.
So it ended up as a regular Wednesday night. Drank a bit too much, had some good sex and I was asleep by 8:30 while he puttered around. Things are back to being the same as usual. I must admit to be a little stunned. It was not what I was expecting at all.

Mr Pod and I engaged in some raunchy texts, we chatted a bit on the phone. Well, he talks and I laugh. He invited me over for a booty call tonight but it's too late for me to deal with 1 hour drive home and get up to do chaperone on a kid fieldtrip tomorrow. I don't want to be exhausted when driving kids around.

I have not heard from Mr Chef since the weekend. Things are quiet with Eeyore too, we only usually connect when I send him possible meeting days though.
 
Wednesday night with Mr PoD. I did let Prof know i was not available and we have scheduled for Sunday.

Mr PoD had set up for some kinky Bd/sm play. He had bought some bondage tape to add to his restaints, so that was fun. I went fully dressed up in corset, stockings, suspender belt and heels. He had previously said that he wasn't all that into lingerie but he most definitely enjoyed it!
We went out to dinner at an restaurant and while talking food I told him about my bucket list dream to go to a Michelin starred restaurant. There is one in the city that I have had my eye on for ages and he told me to send him the link.

There was some confusion over the me staying over part of the night. I thought I was clear in texting that i planned to have a couple of drinks and bring my toothbrush. He replied "sure ". So, i did have a couple of drinks and then when the moment came that he said I couldn't leave my car parked on the street but I had till 2am to leave before it would get ticketed, I was like "what?" He did this big eye roll and said he doesn't like sharing his bed. I said it is too late and I wouldn't even move my car into the driveway myself at this point, give me a blanket and Ill sleep on a sofa. He compromised with a head rub, and more sex. He said he didn't snuggle, well neither do I, he snored and didn't want me to "hit" him to get him to stop. I said there is no way I would hit him and he repeated it 3 times. He said he doesn't get up early and I said I don't expect him to as honestly I have no interest in chatting in the morning. I felt super uncomfortable about the whole thing. There is nothing worse than being an uninvited guest. I woke up before my alarm as per usual and was out the door by 5:36 am. He later messaged to say the stay-over was fine, so that was a relief. He then booked the restaurant for our first weekend evening together! So he musn't have been overly annoyed about it.
I suppose I will simply have to plan for driving home in the future and no drinking at all. Windy roads with deer, frequent crashes and slow moving trucks at 11pm is not my idea of fun.
Shame on me for picking yet another person who mostly wants sex and then wants me to leave. I'll see how it goes. If he doesn't want me to stay over and isn't prepared to drive to my town then he goes way down my list of people to spend time with. Prof may be an ass in many ways but he is always fine about the stay over.

I have a Bumble date on Saturday with someone who lives locally. Grown kids.
 
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Sometimes the simplest comments from the people you care the most about cut the deepest.
Chit chatting with Mr Dom as we do, often 4 or 5 times a day, texting etc...he is talking about his new place near the water. "I'd invite you and the kids up but you don't mingle." Wow. What about all the hours and hours we spent with just the two of us. He didn't complain then about my lack of mingle. I am terribly hurt. What he said is not untrue. I am crap at talking to strangers but it doesn't mean I am not polite and or am ever rude or ignore people. I am happy to let the chatty people chat. Really hurt. He spent so much time as my house at one point that I asked him to consider paying some kind of rent, but now I am not worthy of being invited to the Rv park. Wow.

Mr PoD cancelled tonights booty call due to graduation commitments and asked if I could drive up tomorrow at about 9:30-10 pm. I replied with a question about his stance on sleepovers. I am not going to keep doing that drive home late at night. Its dangerous and I have to two kids to support. Every once in a while for a fun night, but not for an hour. Mr Dom used to live almost an hour away but it that was mostly a well-lit two lane highway, flat. Not a twisty mountain road.

I am in a pissy mood, just dropped the kids off for 9 nights with their dad. I miss them already. 3-4 nights is fine, any more than that... I restarted my gym membership, will work-out after work and do some major closet organizing. I have planned a few things for the weekend, lunch with friend, putter in the yardette, meet Mr Bumble, Sunday night with Prof, maybe hang out with Roomie. Usual stuff, but I miss the kids already.
 
Mr PoD replied that he doesn't sleep well and sleep overs depend on his mood. Well...fuck that. I replied, in very polite language, that submission requires a flip in thought process and knowing you have to drive an hour home doesn't really allow for that.
You want to tie a submissive up and fuck them up the ass? Then pay them or let them crash. He has a huge house, two living rooms, plenty of sofa space. He snored most of the night on Weds, he was asleep and guess what? Us old folks don't sleep like teenagers, we get up, we pee, we think about the kids, work, and bills. Who, over the age of 50, sleeps solidly the whole fucking night? Fuck that for a game of marbles. And fuck me for endlessly going for the same type of asshole. Rejection is so attractive. I have noooooo interest in people who profess to like me. I am drawn to people who treat me like shit and I set it up so they can freely treat me like shit. I know I do it. Over and over again. I know all the reasons why I do and what I get out of it; the challenge of trying to get people to alter their behavior and get attention from those who are not willing to give it, and very dominant kinky sex, and a personality who can dominate mine, but not only when I want that, the rest of time, fuck you for trying to tell me how live my life.
I don't really think it is possible to change this programing. I go what I go for and get the same results every time. Where is the surprise? There is no surprise, just a feeling of rejection and disappointment. And should they be willing to change their behavior, the challenge is over and interest is lost. Therapy the hell out of that. I did therapy. I know what I do and why I do it. Making the change? That is the work .

My BFF was flabbergasted when I told I was meeting Prof after his latest disappearance. What the fuck am I doing it for, she asked? She didn;t actually swear, but looked horrified and very disappointed. Prof needs to go back in my closet of dirty behavioral secrets.
I wrote the answer as to why I continue to see him and the others, and then deleted it because you can only bare so much of yourself on a forum. Anthony Bourdain "Your body is not a temple, it is an amusement park, enjoy the ride."

Mr PoD replied: He is fine with sleepovers if he is horny, otherwise not, but he is " mostly horny hahaha"
Dude, you need to define that shit exfuckingactly.
Mr PoD actually seems to be quite nice. I am totally confused, that is good.
The neighbors are shouting again, behind me and those to one side. Apparently relationships are hard.
 
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I was exhausted last night, hence the rants. I slept for 10 hours last night and 3 hours this afternoon. My job is killing me, every day is intense and then there was all the end of school year stuff for the kids.
Resilience is one of the first things to go with exhaustion. Och well, it was good for me to blow my top. It is rare that I do.
I am driving up to see Mr PoD tonight. All the sleep made turned it from something I was dreading to something I am looking forward to.

Mr Bumble cancelled and asked to reschedule to next weekend. I replied with one word, "sure".
 
Interesting kind of night with Mr PoD. He was fine to let me stay over, we had some okish sex ( he doesn't like condoms so actual penetration is limited ) and then he started talking. Holy Moly. He is so like Prof talk, talk, talk. My therapist pointed out, after meeting Prof a number of times, that he monologues, talks and talks. Well, Mr PoD does the same. I would say at least 20 minutes of straight up talk, sharing about family. Then he talked about not being very emotional and not being able to take a genuine interest in people. I pointed out that connecting with people involves asking questions about them. He responded," Note to self, act interested," I said no, you should BE interested. He said he was interest in me but he rarely asked or has asked questions, I spoke up a bit, still working on my tendency to listen more than talk. He said he doesn't really share family stuff they way he had with me and said he was hurt by my pointing out the conversations involve asking and not just speaking ( this is the man who said he isn't very emotional ). He is definitely quick to anger, not raging anger, maybe passionately intense is a better way to describe it. I told him a couple of times to stop purposefully trying to twist my words, he looks for conflict where there is none. I do prefer it to Prof's passive aggressive style.
He just texted to see if I had got home safely.
The distance is a factor. He has also pretty much said he won't drive to my house. This is also similar to Prof, they like to be in control in their own surroundings. I think it creates anxiety and they find it hard to relax. Having said that I think Prof stays with his city GF fairly regularly for the whole weekend. But it is hard to know what Prof does in the city as I don't ask and he doesn't offer.
I won't see Mr PoD for about 10 days. I am seeing Prof tonight and probably Wednesday too.
I don't know if I want to re-up therapy about my attraction to unavailable types.
 
Prof was all for making plans when I saw him. Let's go see Solo, let's use the tickets you have for such and such, let's look at a summer vacation... It's as if the big disappearance never happened. He did explain in detail what had occurred on the day he had the meltdown, but that doesn't explain the following 2 months of silence. At this point I have no expectations, he either participates or I carry on with my own plans. We are meeting on Thursday to schedule or schedule not.

Mr PoD has clearly stated he will not go anywhere that involves a plane. He used to travel first class everywhere for business and on airmiles and now refuses to fly coach but he will go anywhere in a car but preferably in state. He has been to a lot of places so he is not lying there. I think it is too early to plan a trip with him. I don't think he has quite the same sense of ridiculousness when it comes to travel that I do. Prof is pretty much always open to whatever i come up with.

I have been watching nature documentaries with the kids and doing a lot " I've been there." They have now decided that they are willing to travel more and in with a tent. My older kid got entirely spoiled with camper vans, holiday houses rented by the grandparents, and RVs with 3 tvs.:D and was refusing to camp in a tent. This year however, they are both game to camp if it means going down caves, up mountains, and looking for dinosaur bones and whatever other random stuff I come up with. Theme parks are not on the list unless i can get very reduced cost tickets.

I am meeting up with a Bumble person this weekend who I have been messaging with since around Xmas. He was local as he was visiting his dad but has now moved back into the area. We have spoken on the phone once, he seems rather too laid back for me, but maybe I can get to go to a music event at the weekend.

I bought another set of tickets this weekend. sigh. I am going to a comedy show with 2 friends from work, very well know comedian. I managed to get them at face value, they are now going for 3 times the price on ticketmaster etc. I am truly a master of tickets. I am fairly sure I said ( multiple times ) would not get tickets this year for anything. I currently have 5 sets, actually I lie, I have more that; I won in some in a raffle, one set at a school auction and one set I won a couple of years ago that I plan to use this summer. In my own defense, I got all of those either for free or for way below market value. In the past month, I took my friend plus 4 kids to the aquarium on free tickets, a value of over $240 and a train ride same friend plus 4 kids ( courtesy of Mr Pod) value of $140. We just paid for parking both times and took packed lunches. Score!
 
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Entirely not feeling the need for a live-in partner or anything like it.
I am enjoying the solo poly life. I have no concerns about what partners are doing in our time apart.
I was worried about being a bit bored and listless with the kids being away but work is sucking up a lot of time. People keep asking me if I have one foot out the door. I wish! I am staying later than usual to finish up various tasks and attending a few social events that normally I would decline due to parenting duties. I planned to hit the gym classes every evening this week and only made it one. I miss the kids but am using the time the free evening time to watch some tv and read. I love The Expanse and am re-reading the first book in the series. I adore Amos, from his killer line ( tv show version ) about wearing heels, " I didn't always work in space," to, "You are not that man, I am that man." Blast that doctor mutherfucker and space those bastards, he did send them out in protective gear though. I loooooove the Belter accents. Cara Gee and Jared Harris do it so well. Naomi's is god awful. I have tremendous ear for accents and can do a gazillion, much to the amusements of my colleagues who really don't get half of them. I am kind of letting my hair down at work as I am on my way out, though I am likely to reapply to the same place once a lower level position that I have had my eye on opens up.

Prof tomorrow night. Eeyore replied about tonight and sadly declined an evening of margaritas and nakedness and he is heading off with his kids on a camping trip tomorrow. I have not messaged Mr Chef, he may or may not turn up again. No plans to see Mr PoD till next week.

I am going to hit the open event concert by myself. I lost my nerve a little to go out alone after the men in the van incident and the weird date with the guy who wanted to know exactly where I lived and where I worked. However, one of my strongest senses of self comes from doing whatever experiences I want, when I want. I'll charge the tazer, take the pepper spray ( reality is I will forget both ) and go rock out! I have made it to nearly every continent by myself, Antarctica is expeeeensive, I will not let the fuckers keep me down!
 
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The guy I have been chatting to on and off for 6 months asked to reschedule tonight. I was actually relieved because I am not particularly in the mood to get showered and changed and head back out to meet someone I might not connect with. I wouldn't have cancelled but it was feeling like more effert than I have energy for.
The guy who rainchecked last week, I had forgotten about, but when I realized he hadn't made any effort to reschedule I unmatched him.

I had a very good evening with Prof. It does remind of why I have put up with him for so long. The sex was very kinky last and I am still sore and there was more this morning. No shortage of actual fucking.

We had a good planning discussion. I said I am not willing to have last minute cancellations as I have only 1 week with no kids and no work. I wasn't angry or demanding just very nicely said don't leave it to the last minute if you can't make it work. He has yet another out of state trip planned for the day after we are due to come back and there is a chance that date might change. The offer is a very big deal and I wouldn't expect him not to go because of a vacation. Though truthfully I don't think he has ever cancelled anything on me. We worked out a Plan A and Plan B for that week and made some tentative plans to take the kids away. I am happy if he can't make the kids trip work as I will go ahead with my plans anyway.

Some chit chat with Mr PoD, I am looking forward to seeing him next week. I am half tempted to offer a booty call, but then it is that same thought of don't really have the energy to make that drive twice late a night. A bit of netflix and book time sounds the most appealing.
 
Had an okish night with Mr PoD. He is quite an angry person and during general conversation I picked up quite a few indicators that his baseline emotional state is slightly annoyed and that is easily ratcheted up to "furious". Apparently I made him "furious" on Weds and have made him "furious" a few times already! He got angry and shared his frustrated while I was giving him a massage. I did say how can you be so angry but yet lay there and get maassaged? The two states would normally be mutually exclusive. He said it was enjoying it and it was relaxing. Anyway, he was angry because I wasn't showing enough appreciate for what he does, looking up restaurants online that are open late and have vegetarian options. I was asking about doing something else after we have the fancy dinner on the 30th dinner. I have tickets for a boat ride ( not interested) some local open air concert ideas and ones to pay for ( not interested ) go for a walk around the city ( not interested ). He said I am looking to spend more time with him because " I think he is great and want more from the relationship." Umm no. I am looking to do something apart from Food and Fuck (F&F). He says F&F is his favorite. So he got angry because I wasn't showing enough appreciation for the F&F. I didn't argue but let him vent. I know I express my thanks and appreciation for going out. Not just once, but the whole evening through eg:thanks for driving, it is such a treat not driving, thanks for taking me somewhere new. Thanks for opening the door, very charming etc etc... And it is genuine, I really do appreciate it. But but but,
And as anyone who has read my blog over time knows, I love going out and doing stuff, and doing the same thing over and over drives me nuts.
I thought over what he said and it really is about him and not me. He has regular rants about his kids not being appreciative enough and this person and that person not appreciating what he did, it is coming up as a common theme. He is a person who needs words of affirmation. There was not one thank you from him for me driving up again. Lots of inward eye rolling.
However, he is a person who has a think about what has been said and makes adjustments. He came up with a list of 12 things that he likes to do, but won't do with me, it was actually very funny. He likes half day trips but likes to come home at night, doesn't like hotels after all the years of travelling for work. He also asked me to send him a list of concerts and he would see if liked any of them or was free.
He asked me why I didn't get angry with him while he was " criticizing" me.( He likes a fiery response). I said he was actually doing it quite a calm way, using a "coaching" style, stating what types of words and sentences he likes to hear. And he latched onto that ( I knew he would, which is why I phrased it that way )
 
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