I see Murf as important as Butch.
He is not someone I only see or make time for when I feel like it. His wants and needs are just as important to me as my other partner. He has never been treated as second.
Hi bluemerle,
Since D at least said okay to having you come over with dinner, I'm not so suspicious as I was in my last post.
There is a concept here on Polyamory.com (introduced by Marcus, I think, I can't remember where) of obtaining co-primary status through sweat equity. Sometime you might want to ask D (and his wife?) if there's a chance you could earn co-primary status eventually, or if you secondary status is intended to be permanent. Ask him what the change in status would entail.
In the meantime, I suppose I'd stand down red alert and just know that D probably won't meet up with you very reliably or very frequently, but that you and he always have a good time when he does meet up with you. If you can live with that, at least for now, then stay in the relationship.
Although still, since most of the time D probably won't be around, make sure you have other enjoyable stuff to do, including an extra (secondary?) dating partner (or two?) if that's something you're interested in and have time for.
Regards,
Kevin T.
"I feel stupid for being the one reaching out all the time now. But I also feel like I thought we had something and I don't know where it went wrong. If wrong is even the right word."
Don't chase him and don't wait around. In reality, from Tuesday night to Friday is only a few days and not that long, but if you're just sitting around obsessed with when you will hear from him, it will seem like forever. Keep yourself occcupied. Date other guys and have fun. Schedule dates and other activities as you see fit. Make yourself available on a first-come, first-served basis and don't cancel things with other people for him. If he is unreliable and flaky, and then gives you shit about how "demanding" you are, you two just might not be compatible, so don't waste time waiting for someone like that. Life is too short!
Yeah as it turned out, he gave you the leftovers. And not very much of them, either.