Photosynthesis
New member
Time for an update.
Well, taking in your advice and considering things, I decided to go with:
* Stop feeling guilty just for having feelings. That's irrational.
* Be my own person. (i.e. not a 'personblob' ) This has been pretty good, e.g. I've been discovering the music that *I* actually like, rather than just whatever was the best of what Jake listens to.
* as suggested, Let it go. I didn't tell Jake, because I couldn't see much to gain from it at this point, and what's to tell once it's gone? I decided to just let the crush run its course, go back to normal, and consider things from there. Bring up polyamory then.
* we're putting kids on ice for now (literally, just got the referral for egg freezing)
* focus on Jake more. Things have been going pretty well actually, which is great
* I figured I really do want to be polyamorous. I have been connecting more with friends lately and it makes me so much happier; I really want to extend that and develop more deep connections, both platonic and not. (Still terrifies me a bit, but like looking at a huge rollercoaster you're considering riding. Scary, but exciting.)
.
Okay, so that was the plan.
But
It
Didn't
Go
Away.
So work guy needs a name now. Let's call him Boston.
Nothing has happened by the way, the only people who know how I feel are you anonymous strangers.
Some of you were worried about the work relationship dynamic, well I'm changing jobs later in the year so that doesn't matter, also it's more friendship that colleague relationship anyway. Jake is getting to know him better too. We're all going camping with a couple other friends this Easter.
So, I've pretty intensely fallen for Boston. Apart from Jake, I've just never felt this much for someone. I care about him so deeply. None of the crushes I've had at any point in my life compare. I don't think it's just a crush guys.
So, if the plan was to wait for the crush to clear before bringing up polyamory, what the hell am I meant to do now?
I'm pretty sure Boston is completely clueless as to how I feel. We're friends, but I'm friendly with lots of people, which he can see.
I've got some big work things to do coming up before I leave, so I'm not going to say or do anything until that's done. But then, what?
How can I bring up polyamory with Jake without duplicitousness? If I say I have feelings for Boston first, I feel like that could make the polyamory conversation go way more difficultly. But if I don't, it's like I'm hiding something important. But if I do, I could be complicating things for no reason, because of course there's every possibility Boston isn't up for that kind of relationship with me anyway.
I want to be polyamorous with or without Boston. I also want Jake to know that he could have a girlfriend if he wants to. He's a very honorable guy and would never do anything to hurt me. I would be genuinely happy for him to develop a new relationship, but without having the polyamory conversation, he's not going to know that. So he's needlessly missing out. I've tried softening the topic with a few small comments here and there, but he's mostly just interpreting them as "I'm up for a threesome if you want" which is a bit beside the point; we really need to have the propper conversation.
What should I do?
Well, taking in your advice and considering things, I decided to go with:
* Stop feeling guilty just for having feelings. That's irrational.
* Be my own person. (i.e. not a 'personblob' ) This has been pretty good, e.g. I've been discovering the music that *I* actually like, rather than just whatever was the best of what Jake listens to.
* as suggested, Let it go. I didn't tell Jake, because I couldn't see much to gain from it at this point, and what's to tell once it's gone? I decided to just let the crush run its course, go back to normal, and consider things from there. Bring up polyamory then.
* we're putting kids on ice for now (literally, just got the referral for egg freezing)
* focus on Jake more. Things have been going pretty well actually, which is great
* I figured I really do want to be polyamorous. I have been connecting more with friends lately and it makes me so much happier; I really want to extend that and develop more deep connections, both platonic and not. (Still terrifies me a bit, but like looking at a huge rollercoaster you're considering riding. Scary, but exciting.)
.
Okay, so that was the plan.
But
It
Didn't
Go
Away.
So work guy needs a name now. Let's call him Boston.
Nothing has happened by the way, the only people who know how I feel are you anonymous strangers.
Some of you were worried about the work relationship dynamic, well I'm changing jobs later in the year so that doesn't matter, also it's more friendship that colleague relationship anyway. Jake is getting to know him better too. We're all going camping with a couple other friends this Easter.
So, I've pretty intensely fallen for Boston. Apart from Jake, I've just never felt this much for someone. I care about him so deeply. None of the crushes I've had at any point in my life compare. I don't think it's just a crush guys.
So, if the plan was to wait for the crush to clear before bringing up polyamory, what the hell am I meant to do now?
I'm pretty sure Boston is completely clueless as to how I feel. We're friends, but I'm friendly with lots of people, which he can see.
I've got some big work things to do coming up before I leave, so I'm not going to say or do anything until that's done. But then, what?
How can I bring up polyamory with Jake without duplicitousness? If I say I have feelings for Boston first, I feel like that could make the polyamory conversation go way more difficultly. But if I don't, it's like I'm hiding something important. But if I do, I could be complicating things for no reason, because of course there's every possibility Boston isn't up for that kind of relationship with me anyway.
I want to be polyamorous with or without Boston. I also want Jake to know that he could have a girlfriend if he wants to. He's a very honorable guy and would never do anything to hurt me. I would be genuinely happy for him to develop a new relationship, but without having the polyamory conversation, he's not going to know that. So he's needlessly missing out. I've tried softening the topic with a few small comments here and there, but he's mostly just interpreting them as "I'm up for a threesome if you want" which is a bit beside the point; we really need to have the propper conversation.
What should I do?