Sexual Ethics

[polypus]

Reply

To me, the idea of morality is that which enhances our lives, versus that which causes destruction. Lies and dishonesty are destructive, and that includes the lies we tell ourselves.

 

[Ravenscroft]

Does our own baggage of insecurity or emotional issues from our past justify harmful behavior in relationships?

Speaking for myself, no, never. Though I cannot perfectly shield others from outfall, I have responsibility to inform affected others as succinctly and immediately as I can.

Is it reasonable to expect everyone to do the self-work to unravel their own stuff, and own it enough to treat a partner ethically, in loving and respectful ways?

Speaking for myself, yes. Though I am imperfect in my self-awareness AND in my ability to get my problems fixed, I am responsible for attempting such repairs as I can. This includes daring to ask others, explicitly, clearly and succinctly, for assistance.

 

[Spork]

Speaking for myself, no, never. Though I cannot perfectly shield others from outfall, I have responsibility to inform affected others as succinctly and immediately as I can.

Speaking for myself, yes. Though I am imperfect in my self-awareness AND in my ability to get my problems fixed, I am responsible for attempting such repairs as I can. This includes daring to ask others, explicitly, clearly and succinctly, for assistance

I think so, too. But I also think it's one of the few areas that SOME poly folk do get to lay claim to a smidge of superiority, just the, "Well, since I do this unusual thing, I've sought self-help books and resources, and talked to others, and I've learned stuff, and I try to apply relational wisdom to my life choices." You could be mono and do that; it just isn't the default, in my opinion or experience.

I told a friend yesterday that back when I was married, I wasn't mucking around in my own head figuring out all of my issues. Years went by, and I didn't feel like I had to work on stuff or think about stuff. You just get in a sort of suburban sleepwalk where one day is very like the one before, and like you assume the next one will be... until something happens and it's not anymore. When folks live that way, I think a lot of them don't question whether it is fair or right or ethical that they're treating someone unpleasantly because of their own issues. They just go on doing whatever, and justifying it however they need to. I did. My ex did.