Sexual Health in Polycules

ElMango

Member
With so many different variations of how people practice poly, there are going to be variations in terms of how people practice sexual health 'rules' or issues along the lines of fluid bonding.

In this discussion, I would really like to talk about the different ways people do things, why, and the pros and cons of each.

My polycule is a pretty kitchen-table V and we all live together.
For my polycule, fluid bonding with others is okay; provided they have had regular STI testing, and/or if them or their partner has gotten a new partner, they have gotten regular STI testing since. We understand not everything is preventable by testing, as some things don't always show up, but we all want to prevent as much as possible. If these tests have not been done, then it is absolutely barriers whether there is a PIV or oral/anal sex.
When B and Z didn't have vasectomies, condoms fluid bonding PIV would only happen if everyone in that relationship agreed what would happen if accidental pregnancy would happen. Now that's not a concern. For me, I now no longer use any birth control, so for PIV condoms are basically never not going to be used. I'm also not really looking for any more male partners, or really partners in general so I'm not fussed.
We understand this can limit sexual and even romantic choices; as well as preferences, but the health aspect matters more.

People are allowed to disregard this rule; but then my personal 'consequence' is no sex with ME without condoms until you've gotten a clear test. B and Z have also decided to use this as a consequence if I disregarded the rule. Waiting for the ability to get accurate results can be up to a 3 month wait for certain things. So, that's a very good deterrent!

What about people who are more spontaneous? We are not solo-poly, so does that affect your personal choices? How do others view fluid-bonding?
 
Never thought abouth actually.
D and Me use condoms when we have vaginal sex with P because she doesn't use birth control.
Other than that we fluid bond and we don't have sex other than the three of us.
D hasn't have sex for five years and tested when. He was in a relationship with his ex.
P has been tested during her pregnancies I was regularly tested when I donated blood.
Never had an other partner since I'm with P.
So pretty safe here.
 
Each member of my polycule has different testing schedules and safer sex boundaries because they have varying levels of risk. There's one person who only has sex with one other person who is also female. I don't think she's been tested for years. Her partner has sex with various people so she gets tested every 3 months for some things, 6 months for others. They don't use any barriers together for toys or anything but barriers are used for sex with other penis bearers for PIV and PIA sex.

I don't know any penis owner that has oral sex with barriers. It was only when I joined poly forums that I learned people really do that. Even the sex workers I know do not though some do not do oral. One said that the risk is high enough for them not to do it but they'd never suggest a condom because it would be unpleasant for them and pointless for the client. I'm unsure how true that is. I don't have one.

If anyone I have sex with is suddenly exposed to a greater risk level than usual, they'll tell the people they have sex with and usually PIA +PIV will continue with condoms if they weren't used before.

We haven't had any uncontained outbreaks in the polycule for a long as I've been in it (I'd say I was a founding member). The nearest thing was a metamour who had consistently tested negative for HSV 1 and 2 had an outbreak while pregnant. However, it was found not to be her first outbreak so she did have it all along. The blood test apparently isn't very accurate.
 
We haven't had any uncontained outbreaks in the polycule for a long as I've been in it (I'd say I was a founding member). The nearest thing was a metamour who had consistently tested negative for HSV 1 and 2 had an outbreak while pregnant. However, it was found not to be her first outbreak so she did have it all along. The blood test apparently isn't very accurate.

With penis oral sex, I used to use condoms when I was mono with Z, just because I mean...I hate the flavor of pre-cum and we were in HS when we met so I wasn't exactly savvy to the other options. He said it was enjoyable, but not as pleasurable. Not pointless, just not as good.

The closest thing we had to an outbreak was one of my metas partners got a type of rash that, while very contagious, it wasn't harmful and just fizzled itself out once the virus ran its course. But, it was a type of virus that if you were a massage therapist you could get it from your job; so not an STI but in the end, for her it was. Luckily they caught it early enough, and told us early enough, that we were all good and it was fairly contained.
That was enough for us to not only learn the ins and outs of partner notification, but also to make sure we had body fluid plans in place as well as really any contagious condition plans in place. With a long term mono relationship, it just becomes something you don't think about.

Joining poly forums showed me that you can even make the tests with a new partners less awkward by suggesting to go together...which when I first saw it I thought it was a sweet gesture. Now I'm almost put off by the idea of them being so resistant to going to the doctor.

With HSV it's such a roulette game with the tests because they just lack the ability to be accurate.
 
I am in a V, a female hinge and two males. We don't take any sexual health precautions, as we don't have sex with anyone outside of our V, and we have had very few partners in our past (before the V). Our method of birth control is, that both of the guys in our V have had vasectomies. We don't want to have kids.

If someone was added to our V, we'd have to decide whether to ask that someone to get screened for STI's, based on how conservative they were in their past, how few of partners they had in the past, how well we knew them, and whatnot. Honestly, it is highly unlikely that anyone new will ever be added to our V. None of us are looking.
 
Joining poly forums showed me that you can even make the tests with a new partners less awkward by suggesting to go together...which when I first saw it I thought it was a sweet gesture.

My former poly BF and I got tested together. It was so romantic! I'd suggest this as a "date" option to anyone who is unsure about how to request testing or to anyone who just wants to try it, really. Getting tested together was a sweet moment for us.
 
I am not a huge fan of condoms. I would rather forgo receiving oral than wear a condom for that.

None of my partners have been particularly high risk, except the last one. Before that my polycule consisted of my wife, three mono lovers, and one poly lover. I was fluid bonded with all but the poly lover. My wife used condoms with all her lovers.
 
I'm not a fan of using condoms or dental dams for giving oral or for receiving. I just avoid giving on the rare occasion that I have any mouth sores, or receiving if my partner has sores (any sores not just HSV sores... I'm HSV neg).

I do prefer condoms for all male partners and I don't share toys with female partners. And I share test results before sharing sex.

That said, in my on again off again relationship with Blue, we have been fluid bonded...I just currently consider him too risky to not use condoms for PIV. I always use condoms for PIA.

I test at least annually, more frequent if I have a new partner. I've tested positive for HPV only so far.
 
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Me and my girlfriends other boyfriend are fluid bonded with her, the guys are both straight.

I'm not really interested in seeing other women so I'm low risk.
As we're in an open relationship we've agreed if we do sleep with someone else without a condom then its cool but ensure we tell each other and then get tested. Her other boyfriend has agreed to do the same.

He is pretty much like me he's not much into sleeping around and he's not showed any interest in dating other women yet. As for her I'm not so sure about, she's quite the player type and physically very beautiful who still loves going into town to parties and things.

As for pregnancy, she's on birth control, probably fertile as she's 29, I'm 38, he's 35. I'm ready to start a family she's known this for a while now, she wants to have babies one day so I'm just waiting on her to tell me one day that she's pregnant. We've agreed that if a DNA test proves I'm not the bio father then (if all is well) she promises the second baby will be mine.

Before we got together I did a lot of sleeping around and much of it was very risky. I slept with easily over 100 women and never caught a thing, I've been tested minimum 15 times before I settled for my now girlfriend.
 
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I'm fluid bonded with my NP but neither of us is fluid bonded with anyone else. We'd each be open to it if we had another long term partner that didn't engage in much casual sex (which would always have to use condoms for anything other than oral) and as long as they weren't also fluid bonded with more people who were fluid bonded with more people, etc.

Basically, how far the fluid bonded network extends and how frequently any of those people engages in casual sex, even if protected, would determine whether I was willing to fluid bond with that person.

My other serious partner would love to fluid bond with me, but he's fluid bonded with his 3 other partners, who are all fluid bonded with other people as well, and several of the people in that network engage in a decent amount of casual play. So that's a BIG nope for me. Sure, they all test every 3-6 months, but I don't care because at the end of the day, I don't want to be fluid bonded to all of those people. Especially given that a few of them have already demonstrated a certain level of ignorance when it comes to appropriate disclosure in a fluid bonded environment. Just nope nope nope. Honestly, it minimally bothers me that my partner is even ok with the risk level that he is currently ok with, but since we always use condoms, I feel comfortable with my risk minimization there. *sigh*

In general, I consider the transmission risk low enough for oral though that I have never used barriers for oral sex.
 
*shrugs* toss me in the minority but I still feel like fluid bonding is something intimate over and above just having sex with someone. I know I have weird views. I find protected sex less intimate than full body cuddles.

I had some issues in my head to work out after the first time I had sex with Charles because apparently we had a misunderstanding about using condoms which I found really embarrassing since I consider myself good at communication. Plus, having what to me was that level of emotional intimacy after a couple of weeks was a little tough.

On the plus side, since we had all gotten tested first anyway, Henry wasn't too upset when I told him what had happened. I have to be extra cautious with him since he's immunocompromised and even not-serious stuff like HSV can cause him major problems.

So I am currently fluid bonded with both my boys. I would not consider fluid bonding with any other partners with penises. I do give oral without condoms or dental dams because I'm comfortable with that level of risk (after discussing Henry's situation with his blessing of course and seeing how my partner responds). I've never used protection with another woman.

The current agreement is that both my boys will use condoms if they have sex with anyone else. If they choose not to, that's their decision, but I would also refrain from unprotected sex with them until they get retested.

Henry is getting a vasectomy to prevent any unplanned pregnancies with other partners, since he had a condom slip issue.
 
I’m the hinge in a MFM V. Neither of my husbands are dating - they prefer to remain monogamous, and have done so for our entire relationship. I do not use barriers with them, though we do take measures to avoid pregnancy.

When I date outside of my polycule, I use my diaphragm and condoms, until test results are shown, at which point, if I feel comfortable, we ditch the condoms. At no point do I stop using my diaphragm, because I don’t want an oops baby with someone I am dating. I discuss pregnancy concerns and outcomes prior to having any sex with a new partner, so they understand my stance.
 
We use condoms to prevent pregnancy.
This went wrong this holiday.
We had condoms on but P gave D and me oral and pulled them off.
We forgot about this and had unprotected piv.
Next day P got a morning after pill. In Holland you can get them without prescription thank god.
Last time we needed one 16 years ago we had to go to a hospital to get one.
And it took most of the day.
 
Every individual from my polycule has diverse testing calendars and more secure sex limits since they have differing levels of hazard. There's one individual who just engages in sexual relations with one other individual who is additionally female. I don't believe she's been tried for a considerable length of time. Her accomplice has intercourse with different individuals so she gets tried at regular intervals for certain things, a half year for other people. They don't utilize any boundaries together for toys or anything other than hindrances is utilized for sex with different penis bearers for PIV and PIA sex.
 
You're going to end up with a yeast infection
Big deal. You can get that from all sorts, including penicillin. Thrush is just thrush. It's fixed with a single pill these days and you can be taking herbal stuff as a preemptive strike.

In saying that, steaming the vagina is the frigging worst idea ever and this as is absolutely pathetic. I reported it when it first saw it but obviously the moderator doesn't agree with my assessment of spam.
 
I did too but 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️.
 
I'm not sure why a mod or admin didn't remove this spam. I did too. Maybe 3 times will be the charm.
 
I’m a hinge in a poly V with two females who are mostly monogamous.

I personally do not like barriers. It is hard for me to choose barrier sex when I can have something better. It would be like going out to a disappointing restaurant... Instead let’s stay home and make something amazing…

I’m sort of having an issue with this in my household. My wife doesn’t want to be on birth control, and I don’t want to get a vasectomy. My gf has an IUD so we have barrier-free sex, which I will not do with my wife because of pregnancy risk.

So because of my perception of barriers, my reality is closer to abstinence with my wife and sex every day with my gf… It is very hard for me to excited about sex with barriers if something better is available… I do not mean to degrade the act of intercourse to mere tingles in my penis, sex actually feels less emotionally connecting with a condom on (to me). I also have an issue where my arousal is sort of variable during intercourse already, and condoms just exacerbate it; when it happens I feel embarrassed and insecure. A real excitement killer.

My wife has a much lower sex drive than my gf, so it is working itself out, but I think both my wife and I, feel strange about de-prioritizing sex together to the level we have done so.

I have never put on a condom for oral, I doubt the prospect of oral with a condom would be exciting enough get me erect.. But if the excitement were there, I suppose I would try it…

STD risk and my distaste for barriers is my primary deterrent from dating outside my current arrangement, it’s just not worth it to me right now…
 
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