Should I be open about wanting to be in a triad before starting a relationship?

Mythgirl99

Mythgirl99

New member
Who's up for putting up with another one of my questions? I have quite a few right now and, I just thought, all you lovely people out there are the absolute BEST people to ask ♡.
I'm interested in being apart of a triad. A dyad partnership has never been part of my vision for a relationship. Its just never felt right. But triad seems like the most natural thing in the world to me. However, I have a question...
I'm currently single and feeling ready to mingle, but should I open up about wanting to be part of a triad relationship before anything gets too serious? Like, tell them on a first date and see how they react? I want to be open about my desires. Basically, I'm wondering what everyone else did? Did you tell them before starting a relationship? Honesty is key in a relationship. Polyamory feels like my orientation rather than a choice, but I do want a serious relationship between three people. Please help! Any advice is welcome. I probably should mention that I suffer from anxiety so have the annoying tendency to over think things. Is that what I'm doing? Again, please help me. I'm crying out for some personal advice ♡.

Lots of love,

Ellie ♡ Xxx
 
1 - yes, absolutely be open about your desired relationship structure from the get go, because that can be an immediate deal breaker for many.

2 - think about what happens if you form a triad and then other two decide they're not into you anymore. Or are into each other more. Or one is super into you but the other loses interest. Or any other off kilter feelings/ connections. Scheduling date nights for each dyad plus triad dates will be necessary as well. Are you sure this is the perfect structure to be chasing?

3- remember that dictating triad and only triad will SEVERELY limit your dating pool. Poly in general cuts the pool a lot, and having a set configuration will do it even more. I personally will date people whose ideal is a triad only when it's just that - an ideal/ dream that they like the idea of but aren't pushing on to every potential partner.

4 - good luck! I really do hope you're able to find a happy life that works for you and your future partners.
 
Being straight up about what you are seeking is always going to make life easier in the long run. That way, you don't risk being accused of any kind of "bait and switch" tactics or have a partner feel confused and distressed if you bring it up sometime in the future when they have been mono all along and don't want what you want.

You are using the term triad. That usually implies that you are seeking a relationship wherein your partners are each other's partners, too. Do you have gender preferences about who you want to date? This is likely to impact your dating pool and likelihood of success.
 
If you want to be open about your desires, why wouldn't you be up front? Align your behavior to what you want.

I think you could be up front about wanting a triad where all three are romantically involved with each other. Like that would be your ideal. But then also be realistic too... that you could deal with being in a V because sometimes triads don't align, break up, or go through transitions.Or the other two just aren't into each other.

In a V? You still get your 2 sweeties, but they aren't romantically involved with each other. It could still be a serious relationship.

Say the triad people were Apple, Banana, and Cherry all involved. But then Apple breaks up with Cherry. So it becomes a V with Banana as the hinge.

[Apple + (Banana] + Cherry)

Apple and Cherry are no longer partners and metas. They are metas only now.

OR... Apple totally is gone from the picture. Which leaves (Banana + Cherry) maybe looking for a third partner which may come to pass with Fig. All three involved.

Or Banana doesn't really like Fig. So it's just a V then with Cherry as the hinge.

(Banana + [Cherry) + Fig]

But then later comes Grapes which does work out for a (Banana Cherry Grapes) triad, plus Cherry still seeing Fig too.

Polycules evolve how they do.

Give it SOME thought, but don't overthink. Being up front helps weed people out and parting ways is easier too because you didn't have time to get all deeply attached.

Galagirl
 
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Hi Ellie,

You should open up about wanting to be part of a triad relationship before anything gets too serious. Otherwise you would be wasting your time and theirs. A triad should be something they'd at least be willing to consider. I don't know whether you should tell them on the first date, the second date, or the third date. But I would tell them no later than that, and some people feel you should tell them on the first date.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
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