Colourfulpaws
New member
Hello friends -- new here. I apologize that my introduction here isn't a positive one, but I am currently having a difficult time and have finally decided to reach out for advice.
I have been with my husband (Let's call him Mark) for 15 years. I've known for at least 10 of those years that I am poly, but my husband is very monogamous. We had many conversations over the years about it, and I tried my best to have a monogamous relationship with him. Then, we were blind sided by me falling in love with a mutual friend of ours (Let's call him Ron) roughly 5 years ago. My husband opened our relationship up then for my sake, but then pulled away from me physically and emotionally.
I didn't immediately pursue a relationship with Ron due to the trauma I incurred when Mark pulled away from me. Plus, Ron is also married and had to work through his own, newfound poly feelings, as well as his feelings for me, with his own wife. It was incredibly rough for both of us, but we slowly worked through things in our respective relationships and I thought things would maybe be okay -- Mark was showing me affection again and was working on his feelings about my polyness. Mark even seemed okay when Ron and I finally entered a relationship 2 years ago.
Shortly after entering a relationship with Ron my husband pulled away again. Then, a few months after that, stated he doesn't like Ron and doesn't want to be his friend. He also told him family we were no longer in a relationship. Mark has been very depressed ever since. He left every group chat we shared with our friends associated with Ron and he is just bitter about life. He still says he loves me, but the displays of love, aside from acts of service, are either nonexistent or lackluster. I constantly worry about showing him affection for fear of rejection.
I don't know what to do. Our lives are incredibly intertwined, and I really am still deeply in love with him, but I am stuck. Maybe I am codependent at this point? I feel like I can't live without him. I mean, I know I can, I am the sole bread winner and can make things work out. Ron is also willing to help, despite being long distance in another country. My heart tears up at the thought of continuing my life without Mark, but I also don't know how much longer I can go on living how I am with Mark.
I think I know my answer, but just need other voices who have hopefully been through something similar as me.
On the bright side, my relationship with Ron has been absolutely wonderful. We are deeply in love, are compatible in every sense I thought could only happen in dreams, and we haven't had any issues between us ever. and hell, my metamour is trying really hard to work with us and be my friend too. It has been hard on her, and she has had similar struggles as Mark, but she wants to be my friend and she wants Ron to be happy and she supports him and us. Ron and her are definitely far happier than Mark and I.
Thank you for reading and please don't hesitate to be blunt or ask questions. I really need some clarity
I have been with my husband (Let's call him Mark) for 15 years. I've known for at least 10 of those years that I am poly, but my husband is very monogamous. We had many conversations over the years about it, and I tried my best to have a monogamous relationship with him. Then, we were blind sided by me falling in love with a mutual friend of ours (Let's call him Ron) roughly 5 years ago. My husband opened our relationship up then for my sake, but then pulled away from me physically and emotionally.
I didn't immediately pursue a relationship with Ron due to the trauma I incurred when Mark pulled away from me. Plus, Ron is also married and had to work through his own, newfound poly feelings, as well as his feelings for me, with his own wife. It was incredibly rough for both of us, but we slowly worked through things in our respective relationships and I thought things would maybe be okay -- Mark was showing me affection again and was working on his feelings about my polyness. Mark even seemed okay when Ron and I finally entered a relationship 2 years ago.
Shortly after entering a relationship with Ron my husband pulled away again. Then, a few months after that, stated he doesn't like Ron and doesn't want to be his friend. He also told him family we were no longer in a relationship. Mark has been very depressed ever since. He left every group chat we shared with our friends associated with Ron and he is just bitter about life. He still says he loves me, but the displays of love, aside from acts of service, are either nonexistent or lackluster. I constantly worry about showing him affection for fear of rejection.
I don't know what to do. Our lives are incredibly intertwined, and I really am still deeply in love with him, but I am stuck. Maybe I am codependent at this point? I feel like I can't live without him. I mean, I know I can, I am the sole bread winner and can make things work out. Ron is also willing to help, despite being long distance in another country. My heart tears up at the thought of continuing my life without Mark, but I also don't know how much longer I can go on living how I am with Mark.
I think I know my answer, but just need other voices who have hopefully been through something similar as me.
On the bright side, my relationship with Ron has been absolutely wonderful. We are deeply in love, are compatible in every sense I thought could only happen in dreams, and we haven't had any issues between us ever. and hell, my metamour is trying really hard to work with us and be my friend too. It has been hard on her, and she has had similar struggles as Mark, but she wants to be my friend and she wants Ron to be happy and she supports him and us. Ron and her are definitely far happier than Mark and I.
Thank you for reading and please don't hesitate to be blunt or ask questions. I really need some clarity