Sleeping Arrangements and Beds: Merged Threads, General Discussion

Sleeping three to a bed

Ok, silly question, but I'd seriously welcome input from more experienced polyamorists: how do you deal with sleeping three to a bed? I mean actually sleeping, in the non-euphemistic sense. Very limited experience suggests that it's just not all that comfortable for the one in the middle, especially if he or she is at that age where getting up during the night is non-optional.

Background: newly-formed poly triad involving very-long-term married couple and single woman, none of whom have any poly experience, and none of whom was particularly looking for a poly relationship when we met. Strong emotional bonds all around, no jealousy at all at the moment, major NRE. We have no idea what we're doing here; we just discovered that we all want to be with each other all the time and we're taking it from there. Any advice at all from the more experienced would be welcome, whether or not it involves beds.
I think there was a movie that addressed this very problem once...

"We're going to need a bigger boat!" ;)

That was in "Blow" and the comment was in reference to how much money they had from selling all that cocaine.

Those threads have been merged (thanks for finding them, nycindie) and this is being added to Golden Nuggets (if it is not there already).
Last edited:
Ya, see what I mean? There are a lot of pseudo-cult films that I haven't seen. "Jaws" is one of them. I am so uncool that way.
When I first became intimate with T-Rex (boyfriend), I wanted to establish my own space with him and to fortify my space with Thumper (husband) during the early phases of our entrance into poly. I bought an air bed, the tall kind, not the thin kind that always deflates so you can feel the floor under you by the end of the night. We would set it up in the living room, where the home theater system is, and the air bed eventually became a place for the whole family to hang out.

The kiddo would spend the night at grandma's on those nights.

Now the adults all go to the bedroom for sleep and sex. We still fire up the air bed for our Sunday morning cuddles, video games, and movies.

Establishing that private space at the beginning, though, worked really well for us.

[Edit: Thumper is on the boards under that name, but only lurks. T-Rex has considered joining just because, as a Dinosaur Comics fan, he's so tickled by the nickname I gave him.]
Last edited:
My lady and I once were friends with a poly family (MFM triangle)and to solve their sleeping problem they lashed 3 twins together so they would all have their own beds but still be together. Of course it made makign up the beds fun at times but also easier as well.
You guys think you have it complicated. I don' even sleep with my HUSBAND, never mind my husband AND my boyfriend... But I have so many cats and there's only one of me. They all want to be near ME and they pin me down and walk across my hair... What can I do? Besides cut my hair?

Has anyone else experienced this?
We have 2 cats that love to sleep with us. but we usually lock them up at night or put them outside so we can get some sleep or we would not be able to move at all during the night. But nap times during the day is a free for all. We use to have 3 but the famale passed at age 14. We are not loking for more cats 2 boys is more than enough.
My ex-poly couple had "their" bed. She suggested that he and I sleep in it one night when she was working and they hadn't gotten the room ready that I was going to be staying in. I would not have felt comfortable sleeping there had she not known and approved. A second time she suggested it when other company filled up the beds in the house and she, again, was working night shift. I was planning on sleeping on the couch and had actually started to set my night stuff up there. There came another night, however, that I became uncomfortable sleeping in their bed (even though she knew about it and approved) because it reminded me that they were together most every night and I was just an "extra". (I had never wanted to be a secondary, but that's how things were starting to go and what ultimately led to our break-up) After that we slept in the bed in the room I used when staying over even when she wasn't home at night. My bed was a futon so it wasn't nearly as comfortable as their king size bed especially since our guy is quite tall, but we adjusted.

Had we stayed together, I would have liked to eventually have all three of us sleep together, even though she and I weren't a "couple" and had no plans to ever be sexually/romantically involved. (She is bi-sexual, he and I are heterosexual.) It just always seemed kind of sad to me that any one of us would be "left out" when we loved and cared about each other. When she had been married, she and her husband and our guy all slept together occasionally according to what they shared with me. (Both guys were heterosexual and not sexually involved with each other.)
Last edited:
Our example

Well obviously for starters, a king-size bed was required. Major prerequisite there.

At first we thought we'd take turns in the middle more is nice to be cuddled between two afterall. But in practice, M is almost always in the middle. Partly because our triad started as a Vee, and he was the hinge.
But now it's mostly because he's always cold! I'm almost always hot, and C often is too. So it just makes the most sense to leave M in the middle still. Not always, but most of the time.

Yeah it's an issue if he needs to get up in the middle of the night to pee or blow his nose. But he's becoming better at sliding out of the covers and hop over them without disturbing the rest of us too much.

The real hard part is when pets want to hop in and join us too...argh! :p
I use to sleep with my two girlfriends in a king sized bed. One thing that helped was having three blankets because the person in the middle would get very hot. That way, they can pull their leg out to cool off without having to get out of the blankets entirely. That person could also crawl down the end of the bed if they had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. We took turns with the person in the middle.

This is a great idea!!! Thank you!