So it begins...

Stumbling, it's easier for your readers if you keep posting in one thread. That way, the whole story is in one place. We have an awful lot of stories here. Also, please give your people nicknames. Initials make it hard to follow the story.
 
Hi StumblingAlong,
I've merged your three threads because they're all on the same topic, with updates. With them all in one place, it will be simpler and easier for people to follow along, make sense of your posts, and repond with an understanding of your story.

Feel free to post other topic threads where appropriate, but I think it makes more sense for everything you have posted recently to be here in the first discussion you started. If you want me to change the title, I can. Just let me know - thanks!

Oh yes, and please do give the people in your posts aliases instead of initials.
 
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Sorry for the multiple threads. Thanks for fixing it for me. Not sure why I didn't think of it.

Yesterday was a really bad day at work. I ended up in a very pissy mood. Ended up a bit snappy with both of them. I did apologize and separated myself for some down time to kind of get over being butt hurt that work did not go as I had hoped it would yesterday. Kind of feel like they may have thought I was mad with them over them planning to spend time together today. I really am not upset over that. I like that they enjoy spending time together hanging out or whatever. It just means they get to know each other better and that's good for all of us if this ends up becoming more, which seems to be where this may be headed in the future. What will it look like I don't know and unlike our previous venture into something like this, none of us are forcing it to look any certain way.
 
Hi StumblingAlong,

Keep us posted here, it sounds like things are getting gradually better overall. I hope your next day at work is not so stressful.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Well the last couple of days were chaotic and interesting to say the least. We had some issues arise with my oldest child. That then spilled over into our whatever it is.

As I mentioned before Tabitha began asking some really good questions trying to get an understanding of things over last weekend. One of the questions she ask was what about others. I knew she meant would she be free to date others if someone came along that she wanted to date. We both told her we do not own her and if someone comes along and she wants to date them then she is more than welcome to. We would not stop her, but only ask that she be careful if that dating lead to a sexual relationship. We also told her if her dating someone else became serious and she wanted we would end all relationships between her and us. That we do not want to ever stop her from being with someone she feels she loves and cares for and we would not do anything to cause her problems in another relationship. She also ask what if things between the 3 of us became serious. We helped her understand that if that happens we will all talk and figure out the best things for us. Also explained that while we weren't looking for serious when this started we would welcome it.

Ok fast forward to yesterday when mine and my husband's oldest child decided to make some stupid decisions and land her butt in serious trouble. Tabitha was kept in the loop tho she wasn't there. She was a huge help to me in keeping me from flipping out while Vince was unavailable. After things with our child settled down Tabitha began to have some issues. Apparently while the mess with the daughter was going on, she realized she cared more than she thought. It scared her. Her past relationship history has not been great and she tends to not get to attached to anyone. So when she realized she was very worried for us and our child because she has feelings she didn't 100% expect, it scared her. I get it. This lead to her telling us both after she calmed down that if she is with us then she is with us and won't have or date others. Again we let her know we do not own her and would not demand or ask that of her. She understands, but as she said, it's her decision to make for herself. We then explained that if her feelings grow more for 1 of us than the other it is ok and we know that can happen and expect it to. We also know that at different times and in different ways what she feels for us can and probably will very. So it seems this has changed again and we are all working on building a different type of relationship than we all initially expected.

Our plan is to still not rush things and to be sure we are communicating effectively. She and I realized we do better communicating face to face so that she understands the tone I'm trying to convey. That way she and I have no misunderstandings. We are all still learning each other. Yes, she and I have been friends for months now, but we are learning each other a little differently now than if we were just friends. She and Vince are also learning each other and I'm noticing differences in our relationships with her, for example while we are attracted to each other there is also a connection with understanding each other emotionally and mentally. She and Vince are white hot physically attracted to each other and yes becoming friends, but they don't talk the way she and I do. He doesn't open up about a lot of things the way I do. It's so amazing to me to watch the differences in each relationship and how they are developing. I love that none of us are expected to relate or connect to each other the same way. I love that we are comfortable with each of us spending time one on one or together, that it's not expected that everyone is included in every single thing. Amazingly while the NRE is there it's not taking over everything. While we enjoy talking and spending time together it's not out of control.
 
Would you like me to move this thread to the Blogs section? It's started to come across as more of a journal than a request for advice. Blog threads are sort of "protected" in a way, so that the blogger can feel free to do a brain dump, vent, whatever - people are not allowed to argue with, give advice to, or challenge a blogger unless that sort of dialogue has been requested, and bloggers can have anyone's posts removed from their blog thread for any reason.

So let me know if you want it moved!
 
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It sounds like this has gone from a quickie, let's have a FMF threesome, to more of an actual polyamorous relationship.

You have tried a triad before, which was a failed quad, it seems. So maybe (or maybe not), you realise there are a LOT of relationships in one triad.

You and Tabitha
You and V
V and Tabitha
You and V and Tabitha

You need to make all these relationships easy and nice and loving and free. No one should sit home fuming when the other 2 are together. It sounds like V was fine with you and Tabitha being platonic friends, but as soon as sex came up, he lost his shit. He didn't want you girls to even hang as friends anymore once he had you two doing sex together, even in his mind.

Some triads only have sex as a threesome. That means, even the original couple (if there is one) do not fuck unless the 3rd person is also in the mood. Much more common is doing sex as a twosome, or as a threesome, either being just fine with all 3 partners.

Of course, you and V are used to having sex one on one. How would you feel if Tabitha requested you and he never have sex unless she was also in the bed? That is the restriction V was putting on you and Tabitha having sex as a twosome. Not so nice to contemplate, is it, needing permission, and having permission denied, from another to have sex with the other, even if the reason that person doesn't want sex is because s/he is is ill, or exhausted, or working long hours, or out of town?

It is good you realise your relationship with Tabitha is more of words and fun hanging out, whereas she and V are "white hot" for each other. Does that mean V and Tabitha will want to fuck one on one like bunnies for a NRE year, while you and she are more lukewarm about it? How will you deal with that? What if V prefers white hot NRE sex with Tabitha over old married sex with you?

As someone said upthread, there are a million moving parts and factors that make triads very hard to do.

And now T is so infatuated she can't even imagine wanting another partner in her life besides you and the man she is hot for. Well, welcome to NRE. Once the original fire banks down a little, she well may find herself getting attracted to another woman or man who is single and has more time for her, with less complications.

Just some things to think about!
 
Thank you for that. I needed someone to point those things out. They were in the back of my mind, but I had not really focused on them. Not for lack of desire to focus on them buy because I had not taken time to focus on them fully.

Things have changed from what was originally expected. What looked like a FMF 3sum has become a poly relationship. V has also changed his opinion and put in work. They have a had a few dates that went very well. Tabitha and I had a first date one on one. No sex involved and it was great. V has actually said after thinking things thru he is ok with Tabitha and me one on one. That originally he was scared of that after our previous experience, but he realizes she is not them and he trusts her. Right now all of the relationships seem to be fairly easy. Not that things haven't come up, but when they do they are minor because they are dealt with and none of the 3 of us are bottling things up and becoming bitter or resentful and letting what could be minor become major.

As far as one on one sex between Tabitha and V. I'm good with it. I know that at some point Tabitha may very well decide to find someone that has more time and less complications. If so, then as long as she is happy I will deal with it. I also know that she and V could end up drifting more towards just them intimate together. Not sure how I will deal with that, but it wouldn't be the first time I have faced it.

She and V are white hot for each other. I cant and won't denie that. I'm also not bothered by it. I know I'm looking at NRE between them. I'm enjoying watching their relationship grow. She is more timid with me, but there is a very distinct sexual attraction/tension there on both our parts. She and I are building a relationship from the friendship we already had and will add the sexual side when the time is right. She and V started out with serious sexual attraction and are building their relationship now.

So far V is making sure he gives me time and attention, and the old married sex is benefiting from the NRE between us all. Tabitha could very well say she would rather us not have sex if she isn't with us. If something like that happens we can all talk and together decide on how to handle that.
 
Well surprisingly Tabitha and I were off work at the same time today. We ended up at mine and V's house where we seriously cuddled and talked. I love how easy she is to talk to. We discussed quite a few things today from our pasts to the present. V was at work and knew we both got off work early today. He was really good with me and Tabitha being together where he knew sex could come into play. The only thing other than cuddling was a pretty amazing make out session. Today was more about she and I becoming comfortable alone together, because even tho there is sexual attraction/tension she has never been with a woman. So the sexual side of things with me and Tabitha I'm not rushing. I'm letting her set the pace. I'd be lying tho if I said I wasn't intensely turned on by the end of the make out session.

This Friday we are having a date night in for the 3 of us. Making dinner and hanging out watching movies. I guess we will see what else happens. I am making sure tho that our spare bedroom is cleaned for her so if she needs her own space to retreat to she has it. She can stay and sleep wheRe ever she feels at ease, but if things become overwhelming I want her to know she has her own space and isn't forced to stay a place she isn't comfortable. Anything else I need to think about before this weekend that I may not have thought of already?
 
I think having a spare bedroom for her is a great idea. Not sure what else you could do but sometimes we just figure things out a little at a time, does that make sense?
 
Oh, today Tabitha showed me yet again why she is amazing. This is all new to her, dating a couple, being with a woman, just everything. She has so far handled things well that most wouldn't. She is understanding, caring, and generous. Today she knew V had been having a rough couple of days due to some issues he and I are having with our oldest. In the middle of what was bad day for her she got him a card and several of his favorite candies and put them all in a gift bag. She wrote and signed the card as if it was from me. Not her or the 2 of us, but me. I had no clue she was doing this from me. I thought she was doing it from her to just say "hey I was thinking about you and wanted you to smile." She ask me to take it to V when I went home. I did happily, because I honestly don't mind doing things like that for them. I got home and handed it to him and he read the card and thanked me. I was completely baffled until he handed me the card and I read it. It was so completely sincere in how I feel about V. I started to tear up and then had to text and thank her. It just showed how much she cares for both of us that she would do something like that.
 
We have a date night coming this weekend. Tabitha and I will have some time alone and are planning to surprise V with a home cooked meal of his favorites. I'm really looking forward to this date night. V thinks Tabitha and I are going out for a few hours to a mutual friends concert. It's so hard to surprise V with anything so I'm really hoping Tabitha and I can pull this surprise off.
 
So tonight was absolutely freaking awesome!!! However, I despise mother nature and her crappy timing. Still, everything went way better than I expected. Had a small hiccup thanks to mother nature and her stupid ass sense of humor and timing, but we worked around it, everyone is good and now it's time to crash for the night. They are already asleep and I stayed up to finish watching the game and tend to some house work stuff.
 
LOL, we are adults here... So you carried out your surprise dinner, but someone, or two someones, had her period which made 3way sex less than perfect? Oh well. That's life, eh? Glad ya'll still had a good bonding time.
 
Yea, that would be me that got it. Haven't had it in a damn year and it picked this weekend to remind me it still exists. She cannot get hers. Still she had her first experience with a woman. It was better than she expected and while the 3 way wasn't quite what I hoped, it was still good.
 
Wow! Went back and Re read my original post. Things sure did change, didn't they? Am I sorry they did? Nope, not in the least. It's not all champaign and roses, but it's not complete efing chaos and drama. Things have changed and we are trying something we weren't looking for or expecting. Everything is still moving at a comfortable pace for all 3 of us tho.

This has developed into a triad relationship but the development seems and feels natural. We have 4 relationships going on, V+Tabitha, me + Tabitha, me + V, and then me + V + Tabitha. Each relationship is working well and developing at its own pace in its own way. It's really interesting to step back and look at it all. All 3 of us seem, from talking last night, to be comfortable with where things are and how they are progressing.

Tabitha is adjusting to the fact that I know she and V have a more than platonic relationship and am ok with that. She is still kind of wrapping her head around and becoming comfortable with the fact that V and I are married but I'm not jealous and flipping out over it. I find watching them interacting amusing and interesting. I also see the differences in the one on one relationships. Tabitha and V's relationship is obviously different from mine and Tabitha's. I see similarities in Tabitha and V's relationship to mine and V's, but they are still so different. The relationship between us all together is different than what I have know in the past. It's calm and laid back.

Tabitha is so naturally submissive that it blows my mind. I've not really ever known someone like her. I'm a fairly even mix of dominant and submissive, and V is naturally the more dominant of the group of us. Our personalities seems to work well together. Anyway, just rambling about things I have noticed and how things seem to going. Time to grab some sleep.
 
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When you think you just screwed up with a new partner that is all new to poly, triads, and your ability to be openly honest. Tabitha and I were talking this evening. She has been reading trying to understand poly because she wants this to work and so far she likes it and the idea of it. So far she has done really well at handling things. I think tho, I moved a little to fast this evening and possibly scared her.

As yall are aware, I have been in a triad before. I can't say it was all bad because I learned so much. However, it was very hard being the 3rd (not sure what else to call it at this time). The wife, who I considered my wife, struggled as is apt to happen. I waneed to be her partner in meeting our husband's needs. She went back and forth on that. After we split looking back I felt used.

Tonight while Tabitha and I were talking I felt it important to make sure she knew I am not competing with her. That when it comes to V I consider her my partner in meeting his needs and that I know at times he will need her for things. She said she didn't see that happening. I explained that it already had happened and how. Well I think when I did that, I gave her more than she was ready for. I didn't realize what I had possibly just done until, well, it was done. Now, I'm in limbo, because it was more than she could handle at the time so she is trying to digest it and not speaking to me until she knows how to respond, or she very possibly just fell asleep, which has happened before during conversation.

Either way I have to back up and remember she is not like me. Where I have put in years worth of work on myself in order to deal with something like this, she is just beginning and my job is to take it at her pace where she is comfortable. I also have to remember, I'm not what is considered normal emotionally in my ability to face, acceot, and deal with things. Things that would upset most don't upset me, because I am a realist. I don't deal with things in a super emotionally charged way. I forget not all can take things at my pace and cope with them.

Really hoping I haven't just scared the crap out of her and that if I slow down she will digest all of this new info and be ok.
 
When it's been a hard stressful day and you walk in to your new partner having left you and your long term partner a card, flowers and favorite candy bars. She amazes me with how thoughtful and caring she is. Not sure how to adequately express how much I appreciate her.
 
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