I'm glad you got a good resolution! What I didn't say about my ex in the other thread--before dating him, I also viewed him as my brother & special emotional companion. Losing his friendship hurt me much more than losing the relationship.
But in his case, he didn't tell him his real feelings--he just went along with what I said I wanted, while quietly resenting me and never saying a word. For four years! We were long distance, but still. After four years, he had built up so much resentment that when he finally met a mono woman who wanted to be with him, he treated me terribly and said horrible things to me--which to me seemed out of the blue because I had no clue about his resentment. There was nothing salvageable about our friendship at that point, and we never spoke again.
He had been my best friend in the world, and if he had been honest with me and honest with himself, I would never have dated him in the first place, and would have advised him as my friend to NOT date me.
It still hurts me all these years later. Losing him was like losing a brother.
@MeeraReed, I am concerned about being discarded too, however I am choosing to work with my rejection issues, and simply accept that as a mono man, he will likely discard me as soon as a ‘proper’ love comes along. In the mean time I will enjoy the companionship while we have it.
To be honest, we are getting along much better now we don’t have to navigate a romantic situation. All we did was fight and he would get angry, every time we tried to talk about romantic commitments. I really don’t want that relationship, it’s my version of a total nightmare, mono doesn’t work for me.
I’m so sorry your ex didn’t have the emotional intelligence to be honest and open with himself, and you. I am being judgemental here, but I think mono people have a major scarcity issue that can lead them to be dishonest and mean, and make sacrifices of themselves that benefit no one, all in fear of not having a relationship.
I would much rather not have a relationship, than have one with the burden of resentment. I guess that’s what’s makes me solo poly, the ability to comfortably NOT have a relationship!
I had a similar relationship with an ex GF, who pretended she was all fine with my two male partners.... it wasn’t even close to true, and she blew up in a super scary way, that sent me into the biggest breakdown of my life! Learned a lot from that one!