Some help and advice

D

Dj1810

New member
Hi my husband and I are new to this forum and kinda new to the lifestyle see I am bi sexual and he is straight we are looking for another bi girl to bring into the relationship but all the girls in our area who are "interested" either decide they are not into the life style or want only one of us and we were just looking for some advice on it all
-Thanks everyone
 
Yikes! You could be in danger of being called ... Unicorn Hunters [cue alarming music]

So, somebody called you a Unicorn Hunter?

It's hard to find a bi lady (a.k.a. a "hot bi babe") to "complete" a married MF couple. Do you have enough to offer her to make it worth it? Something to consider.

It's okay to have different partners (e.g. one different partner for each of you), but if your heart's really set on that one shared dream girl, have lots of patience and be very focused on *her* situation and needs.

We have a Dating & Friendships subforum you should check out, and, here's a few good dating sites you could try:

Consider also joining a local poly group in your area, if you can find one. Googling "polyamory" with the name of your State or city may turn up some results (and I can provide a few more links and ideas).

That should help get you started.
Good luck,
Kevin T.
 
Have you tried adult friend finder or maybe a threesome group on fetlife? Depending on your area it area it could be slim pickens though. Larger cities or metro areas tend to have a larger pool of bisexual women willing to hook up with couples. Would you guys be willing to do swaps with other couples or orgies? I see lots of couples on craigslist looking for couples
 
This is the wife of the group Im not looking for another male I do not want and do not need another male we want another female I may sound bitchy but it is the truth I just want to share mine and my husbands lives with another women this was not my husbands idea this was my idea
 
Okay that's cool.

So, here's some links for seeking out local poly groups:

Join a group, make some (platonic) friends, and who knows, one of those friends could eventually turn out to be the woman you're looking for.

And ...
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations
Click to expand...

And even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

That's all just some additional stuff you could try in addition to what's already posted above.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
I wish you luck with your quest. I've read here and in a lot of poly Facebook groups of couples who've been searching for the same thing for 10+ years with zero hits.

What you are seeking is rare & thus, the reference of a unicorn. Try some searches here using words like triad & unicorn. You might find some answers to your advice request.
 
I'm a hot bi babe ;) and I'm constantly frustrated by how many bisexual women insist that if I want to date them, I'll have to date their husbands/boyfriends too.

I have my own male partner, carefully chosen by me to suit my life, my likes and dislikes, and my needs. Why would I want your man, chosen by you, to suit you? If you're the one who wants to date a woman, why should your husband need to be involved at all?

I do not need or want a man involved to "enhance" my experience with a woman. I want my connection to my woman to be between me and her. My bisexuality has nothing to do with titillating or pleasing a man and I feel like when that's all that's on offer, it cheapens the female-female connection. I often wonder if women feel it makes them "less gay" to have a man involved. Honestly, when I'm with a woman I care about, I turn into a full-blown, flaming lesbian.

I would never expect a woman I was interested in to get with my husband if she wants to get with me, and I would never enter into a relationship where I was expected to get with hers. This might be part of the problem you're running into by insisting on the "package deal."
 
LoveBunny. I love how you explained that.
 
LoveBunny said:
I'm a hot bi babe ;) and I'm constantly frustrated by how many bisexual women insist that if I want to date them, I'll have to date their husbands/boyfriends too.

I have my own male partner, carefully chosen by me to suit my life, my likes and dislikes, and my needs. Why would I want your man, chosen by you, to suit you? If you're the one who wants to date a woman, why should your husband need to be involved at all?

I do not need or want a man involved to "enhance" my experience with a woman. I want my connection to my woman to be between me and her. My bisexuality has nothing to do with titillating or pleasing a man and I feel like when that's all that's on offer, it cheapens the female-female connection. I often wonder if women feel it makes them "less gay" to have a man involved. Honestly, when I'm with a woman I care about, I turn into a full-blown, flaming lesbian.

I would never expect a woman I was interested in to get with my husband if she wants to get with me, and I would never enter into a relationship where I was expected to get with hers. This might be part of the problem you're running into by insisting on the "package deal."
Click to expand...

Ive only been with one female, but I totally get what youre saying. I set up an OKC profile looking for bi women for a bit and only got hits from women looking for a threesome with their man. thanks, but I like the male bits I get, was just looking for some lady action.
 
LoveBunny said:
I'm a hot bi babe ;) and I'm constantly frustrated by how many bisexual women insist that if I want to date them, I'll have to date their husbands/boyfriends too.
Click to expand...

Me too! (well maybe not "hot" but attractive enough, bi, female) and I noticed that a lot of people who looked at my profile were the bi female half of a couple who was looking for someone for "both of us". I didn't get too many messages from them, however, I think because I spelled out in my profile that I am NOT part of a "package deal" and was not interested in situations where that was expected/demanded.

LoveBunny said:
I have my own male partner, carefully chosen by me to suit my life, my likes and dislikes, and my needs. Why would I want your man, chosen by you, to suit you? If you're the one who wants to date a woman, why should your husband need to be involved at all?
Click to expand...

Yup, I've got 2 male partners - I feel pretty full up in that department. I'm open to the possibility of whatever happens - but don't like requirements.

LoveBunny said:
I do not need or want a man involved to "enhance" my experience with a woman. I want my connection to my woman to be between me and her. My bisexuality has nothing to do with titillating or pleasing a man and I feel like when that's all that's on offer, it cheapens the female-female connection. I often wonder if women feel it makes them "less gay" to have a man involved. Honestly, when I'm with a woman I care about, I turn into a full-blown, flaming lesbian.
Click to expand...

Ah, here we differ. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist - so, as an interesting diversion, I enjoy providing the "titillation" aspect into the mix (one or the other of my boys participating, or the other female's male partner watching and/or interacting with her - or both of us, if I am feeling it).

I enjoy both the one-on-one experience and the "fulfilling the Hot-Girl-On-Girl-Action fantasy" exhibitionism/voyeurism of the other. So for us, it has always been "Lady's Choice"...

LoveBunny said:
I would never expect a woman I was interested in to get with my husband if she wants to get with me, and I would never enter into a relationship where I was expected to get with hers. This might be part of the problem you're running into by insisting on the "package deal."
Click to expand...

I would never EXPECT it...but it fine with me as it happens (in either direction). Attraction cannot be forced...

JaneQ
 
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As others noted (and very well);

I too am a bi woman.
I have two men and I'm interested in finding a woman-but expecting that somehow a woman I am attracted to and interested in, who is also attracted to me and interested in me is going to be interested in either (or both) of my guys. Not likely and definitely NOT a priority.

The primary thing that has kept me from dating any of the women who have shown an interest; is their *need* for me to also date their man-which isn't going to happen, because I am NOT interested in another man. Which also may sound bitchy, but I have two men and am completely satisfied in that arena.

The thing about bi women is-that many of them already have a man, because finding a man is pretty darn easy actually. Whereas, breaking the barrier of societal conditioning and going to seek out a woman is a bit more of a daunting task.

Interestingly enough, when I was in a mono relationship with a lesbian (wonderful experience, wish she hadn't moved away); we were CONSTANTLY being asked by men for threesomes. Men who could not get it through their tough little skulls that we didn't NEED a man to complete our relationship. That in fact we were perfectly capable of meeting all of our sexual and romantic needs alone.

Likewise; I expect my guys to understand that if a woman enters the picture for me, we don't need either or both of them to complete OUR relationship because we will be sexually and romantically tied to each other on our own.
IF she/they just so happen to also fall for each other, we can navigate that as it comes. But they should never plan on me finding a woman for them to "join in" with.

Play partners aren't too hard to find either. But tend to be pretty clear about being "for play". I've had threesomes FFM and MMF. Either direction can be a lot of fun. But not one time in any of those cases were all of the parties "in love" or "dating" each other. Either none were dating-and all were "just having some fun", or two of us were dating and one was joining in "just for fun". THAT is pretty do-able and relatively easy to find.

But finding three (or more) people of any gender that all fall in love with each other and want to be partners with each other... not to common.
 
LovingRadiance said:
As others noted (and very well);

I too am a bi woman.
I have two men and I'm interested in finding a woman-but expecting that somehow a woman I am attracted to and interested in, who is also attracted to me and interested in me is going to be interested in either (or both) of my guys. Not likely and definitely NOT a priority.

The primary thing that has kept me from dating any of the women who have shown an interest; is their *need* for me to also date their man-which isn't going to happen, because I am NOT interested in another man. Which also may sound bitchy, but I have two men and am completely satisfied in that arena.

The thing about bi women is-that many of them already have a man, because finding a man is pretty darn easy actually. Whereas, breaking the barrier of societal conditioning and going to seek out a woman is a bit more of a daunting task.

Interestingly enough, when I was in a mono relationship with a lesbian (wonderful experience, wish she hadn't moved away); we were CONSTANTLY being asked by men for threesomes. Men who could not get it through their tough little skulls that we didn't NEED a man to complete our relationship. That in fact we were perfectly capable of meeting all of our sexual and romantic needs alone.

Likewise; I expect my guys to understand that if a woman enters the picture for me, we don't need either or both of them to complete OUR relationship because we will be sexually and romantically tied to each other on our own.
IF she/they just so happen to also fall for each other, we can navigate that as it comes. But they should never plan on me finding a woman for them to "join in" with.

Play partners aren't too hard to find either. But tend to be pretty clear about being "for play". I've had threesomes FFM and MMF. Either direction can be a lot of fun. But not one time in any of those cases were all of the parties "in love" or "dating" each other. Either none were dating-and all were "just having some fun", or two of us were dating and one was joining in "just for fun". THAT is pretty do-able and relatively easy to find.

But finding three (or more) people of any gender that all fall in love with each other and want to be partners with each other... not to common.
Click to expand...

yep that's why I haven't dated any women either they're all married or have boyfriends and they want someone to join their relationship. I'm not interested in being with a couple who was only interested in finding a bisexual single women for their relationship
 
Old but good advice: make friends with those who have common interests, and see if what happens.

The points brought up by others are perfectly valid. Your partner suits you; he may not suit someone else. Requiring your potential partners to take you both as a package deal may reduce the potential pool to near-nil.

It can and does happen that couples meet a HBB, or at least H-potential-biB, and she falls in love with both over time. But it strikes me that many begin in a V relationship, or start as friends and other feelings develop subsequently.
 
LoveBunny said:
I'm a hot bi babe ;) and I'm constantly frustrated by how many bisexual women insist that if I want to date them, I'll have to date their husbands/boyfriends too.

I have my own male partner, carefully chosen by me to suit my life, my likes and dislikes, and my needs. Why would I want your man, chosen by you, to suit you? If you're the one who wants to date a woman, why should your husband need to be involved at all?

I do not need or want a man involved to "enhance" my experience with a woman. I want my connection to my woman to be between me and her. My bisexuality has nothing to do with titillating or pleasing a man and I feel like when that's all that's on offer, it cheapens the female-female connection. I often wonder if women feel it makes them "less gay" to have a man involved. Honestly, when I'm with a woman I care about, I turn into a full-blown, flaming lesbian.

I would never expect a woman I was interested in to get with my husband if she wants to get with me, and I would never enter into a relationship where I was expected to get with hers. This might be part of the problem you're running into by insisting on the "package deal."
Click to expand...

Couldn't have said it better myself Lovebunny!
 
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