My wife doesn't believe in counselors. She thinks we can just work it out ourselves. That hasn't worked out too well. Funny, she has a bachelor's degree in psychology too. How's that for a rationalizing?!
She has a hard time opening up with her feelings.
I guess that for counceling to work, both parties have to be willing to hear they are part of the problem. It's very hard to hear that what you've been doing for 15 years is actually detrimental to the marriage. With us, the counselor was able to finally tell my husband things he would never accept coming from me or anyone else (even if he did argue the point for a while). I'm not sure we would have survived if he hadn't been willing to listen and change some things (I had things to change also).
Where in CA? I found that getting involved in groups and activities that aren't "church" or scout (my husband is a scoutmaster ) related helps. I joined a Renn Faire Guild and WOW, I can now find someone in just about any religion and sexual orientation without much effort. I feel so much more comfortable around these folks than I ever did with the church ladies. I've been distancing myself from most of the Christian teachings for the last 7 years.