Steve's ENM journey

My wife is a saint. I can not love her enough and I am the luckiest guy on the planet.

On Thursday she told me she will take the kids to visit her parents and told me to invite Kaitlyn to spend Friday night and Saturday night at our house. We luckily live in a secluded area, with no neighbors to snoop around.

Kaitlyn came Friday night. I just dropped her at her house. It was amazing! We cooked together, well, she did most of the cooking, and we watched some stuff on Netflix.

It was a bit jarring to find someone else in my marital bed. We tried to have lots of sex. I say tried, as we still couldn't achieve successful penetration. There is lots of lube now, which made things easier. I could penetrate around 3-4 inches and then she immediately tapped me on my shoulder to pull out. We tried a few more times over the course of the weekend and the best we could achieve was 4 shallow thrusts. But we did enjoy ourselves. Lots of oral (almost exclusively me going down on her), lots of grinding and just good ol' plain cuddling. I only came twice but it was a joy to see her orgasm.

I am still not sure how we can achieve PIV sex, but at this point of time, we just try PIV when she wants to try, and otherwise just stick to oral and foreplay.
 
Rookie mistake... Emma found Kaitlyn's thong under the nightstand. 🫠

Emma just laughed it off and said that she will wash it and I can give it to Kaitlyn next time I meet her.
 
It sounds like the privacy and not feeling rushed really helped!
 
So Kaitlyn asked me if we can go on a trip after Thanksgiving -> 28th Nov To 1st Dec.
I did say yes without giving much thought but now, I am worried.

The initial plan was to leave the kids at my parents and Emma will be home while I go with Kaitlyn but my parents said that they are off to Upstate NYC to visit some old friends.

Say if the kids are at home with my wife, how best to explain my absence? I can always say that I am visiting a friend of mine but my eldest will be asking question. Aaarghhhh
 
So you're back at the "coming out or not" question :)
 
Do you actually want to go on a trip with Kaitlyn?

Do you want to have the kind of polyamorous relationships where you can have a serious (or somewhat serious) girlfriend, i.e., a girlfriend that you go on trips with? A girlfriend who might want to see you during the holidays? A girlfriend who might one day be known to your family, including your children?

Is Emma okay with you having that kind of other relationship? Can you discuss this trip idea with her?

Is Kaitlyn actually okay with getting more serious with a married man? Would she ever want to meet Emma? Meet your children?

You said that Kaitlyn herself isn't actually poly. I wonder if she really understands what she is getting into here?

It might be worth considering whether it is better for you to keep your relationship with Kaitlyn more limited. Maybe you are simply not available to go on trips with her because you are not comfortable being out to your children yet. Maybe you need to be clear with Kaitlyn that your relationship is going to have limits because you are married, and you are not going to be a boyfriend who is available to go on trips with her.

On the other hand, if you do want to go on a trip with her, maybe pick a time when the kids can go to the grandparents (i.e., coordinate with the grandparents' schedule). Make clear to Kaitlyn that you want to spend time with her, but that a polyamorous relationship (and dating someone with kids) requires complex scheduling and planning.

I am a little worried because Kaitlyn isn't polyamorous and doesn't want to date anyone else. I think she would ultimately be happier with this situation if she were someone who wanted polyamorous relationships for herself.

I suspect Kaitlyn is a little bit in denial about what dating a poly married man actually means. I wouldn't be surprised, for example, if she assumed you and Emma do not have sex anymore. I'm not sure she understands the reality of polyamorous relationships.

Also, I am generally in favor of poly people being out to their kids...but the fact that Kaitlyn is so young is an issue. If I were a teenage kid, I would be pretty horrified if my parent had a 19-year-old partner.
 
MeeraReed said:
Do you actually want to go on a trip with Kaitlyn?

Do you want to have the kind of polyamorous relationships where you can have a serious (or somewhat serious) girlfriend, i.e., a girlfriend that you go on trips with? A girlfriend who might want to see you during the holidays? A girlfriend who might one day be known to your family, including your children?
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I do want to go on a trip with Kaitlyn.

When I started dating, I was just expecting to have a partner who mostly has her own life and we meet for sex. But with Kaitlyn, it is different. We have lot of shared interests and while totally unexpected, I am glad we are in a good place. I am really not trying to imagine a future with Kaitlyn as quite a few members suggested that there is a chance that she might leave me. But the time we are together, I would like enjoy it with her and if that includes some trips with her, I would do it. If we do stay together in the long term, I would like my kids to know her.
MeeraReed said:
Is Emma okay with you having that kind of other relationship? Can you discuss this trip idea with her?
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She is okay with the trip. She gets me every single night. So a few nights away is okay with her.

MeeraReed said:
Is Kaitlyn actually okay with getting more serious with a married man? Would she ever want to meet Emma? Meet your children?
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After some bad experiences, I am trying to not mix my married life and dating life. Kaitlyn obviously knows that I am married and have two sons. But she doesn't ask any questions about them when I am together. I also try my best not to mention my family around her.
MeeraReed said:
It might be worth considering whether it is better for you to keep your relationship with Kaitlyn more limited. Maybe you are simply not available to go on trips with her because you are not comfortable being out to your children yet. Maybe you need to be clear with Kaitlyn that your relationship is going to have limits because you are married, and you are not going to be a boyfriend who is available to go on trips with her.

On the other hand, if you do want to go on a trip with her, maybe pick a time when the kids can go to the grandparents (i.e., coordinate with the grandparents' schedule). Make clear to Kaitlyn that you want to spend time with her, but that a polyamorous relationship (and dating someone with kids) requires complex scheduling and planning.
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Regarding the schedule, she has Thanksgiving break during that time, and that's the only time she is free for a long weekend. Kaitlyn knows that there some constraints on my schedule and she is very understanding if I have to move things around at the last moment. (I had to cancel a dinner as my son was sick last week.)

For now, my kids will spend the days I am away at my brother's place with their cousins, and my wife is meeting her university friends. Crisis averted.
 
Stevek said:
For now, my kids will spend the days I am away at my brother's place with their cousins, and my wife is meeting her university friends. Crisis averted.
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And do the kids think you will be with Emma visiting those friends?
 
Magdlyn said:
And do the kids think you will be with Emma visiting those friends?
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That's what we told my brother and that's the same thing we are telling our kids.
 
I have a dilemma. I asked around but would also like to get the opinions of people here.

Kaitlyn says that I am very hairy and should do some manscaping down there.

My wife tells me that she likes me hairy and I shouldn't change anything.

Now, I do not care either way. What should I do?
 
Stevek said:
I have a dilemma. I asked around, but would also like to get the opinions of people here.
Kaitlyn says that I am very hairy and I should do some manscaping down there.
My wife tells me that she likes me hairy and I shouldn't change anything.
I do not care either way. What should I do?
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To hair or not to hair.

Try a King Solomon and shave one half of the body?

A more serious suggestion would be to shave as much as you like and then see what happens. It will grow back. Perhaps, wife likes it after all. Or that gf likes the change from more to less hair and back again. Sounds like a low-risk scenario.
 
Stevek said:
I have a dilemma. I asked around but would also like to get the opinions of people here.

Kaitlyn says that I am very hairy and should do some manscaping down there.

My wife tells me that she likes me hairy and I shouldn't change anything.

Now, I do not care either way. What should I do?
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It's work, so if you don't care either way, you'll revert to hairy :D
 
Hope you all had a nice Halloween. My youngest didn't want to go trick-or-treating because his older brother wasn't going. My oldest is apparently too old for it now and just wanted to hang out with his older cousins.

Kaitlyn's parents are going through a rough patch and are headed toward a divorce. Gambling can destroy lives. I am trying to be there for her, but Kaitlyn seems distressed.
 
Hope you all had a nice thanksgiving. I had a nice weekend with Kaitlyn. My kids had an amazing time with their cousins and Emma enjoyed time with her friends. Work has been draining but can't wait for Christmas.
 
Stevek said:
Hope you all had a nice thanksgiving. I had a nice weekend with Kaitlyn. My kids had an amazing time with their cousins and Emma enjoyed time with her friends. Work has been draining but can't wait for Christmas.
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My "Thanksgiving" was great. My polycule does a Friendsgiving at Malachi's house. (He's my gf's bf. He has a lovely big home, perfect for entertaining, which he rarely does, as he is an introvert.) Malachi loves to cook, and everyone else brings dishes too. We invited other friends, mostly queers of one kind or another, plus my adult son. This year we had 13 people. We started our tradition 10 years ago with four people! We did this party on Nov 16th this year. We played board games and card games after dinner.

On actual Thanksgiving, Pixi went to Malachi's brother's place in Brooklyn, NY, along with M's parents, and few other relatives.

I enjoy a me-time day, watch the parade, and make my own mini-feast. Ahh, peace.

Aries also spends the day with his family and some old childhood friends. He comes over the next day with a plate of leftovers and we combine it with my leftovers.
 
Magdlyn said:
My "Thanksgiving" was great. My polycule does a Friendsgiving at Malachi's house. (He's my gf's bf. He has a lovely big home, perfect for entertaining, which he rarely does, as he is an introvert.) Malachi loves to cook, and everyone else brings dishes too. We invited other friends, mostly queers of one kind or another, plus my adult son. This year we had 13 people. We started our tradition 10 years ago with four people! We did this party on Nov 16th this year. We played board games and card games after dinner.

On actual Thanksgiving, Pixi went to Malachi's brother's place in Brooklyn, NY, along with M's parents, and few other relatives.

I enjoy a me-time day, watch the parade, and make my own mini-feast. Ahh, peace.

Aries also spends the day with his family and some old childhood friends. He comes over the next day with a plate of leftovers and we combine it with my leftovers.
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This just sounds so cozy and fun. I am glad you had a blast.
 
Stevek said:
This just sounds so cozy and fun. I am glad you had a blast.
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You wife seems cool as hell. Have y'all read any poly books together? They might be pretty helpful for feeling a little more prepared for situations that commonly come up, and it'll likely help you bond on a more intellectual/emotional level, too.

I love your posts. Hearing others people's stories makes me happy :) I'd recommend trying to do something for your wife to get her a day off from responsibilities to have a self-care day of her own (whatever that looks like for her).
 
Howdy folks, Hope you all are going to have a merry Christmas. I am super busy with family these days.

My wife and I were fighting for a couple of weeks (unrelated to poly) but things are resolved now and we will have a huge dinner with my parents and brothers.

I feel bad for Kaitlyn. She is literally spending Christmas with strangers (her housemate's family) and I can not do anything about it.
 
Merry Christmas to all!
 
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