It's possible Kaitlyn feels more relaxed about sex now that she is on birth control? Maybe it's her natural horniness coming into full force rather than a hormonal change that quickly.
Yeah, I googled "libido increase on birth control pills" and it seems the main reason your libido would increase is because of less worry about pregnancy.
I hope Steve and Kaitlyn are still using condoms until Kaitlyn has completed one menstrual cycle, though.
I think it's possible that K's sex drive could settle down once her new hormonal state stabilizes.
It's sweet that you miss sex with Emma so much. But, since one of the reasons she wanted you to have other partners was to take the pressure off her when her libido is low, it might just be something you just need to accept. Her libido seems to wax and wane. It will probably pick up again.
Things haven't improved with Emma. I feel like I am just co-parenting my boys with her. I still love her just as much as I loved her when we first met, but I decided to just let things be for some time. She surprised me a few minutes ago by suggesting that she take the kids away to be with her friend for the weekend, and she suggested I invite Kaitlyn to our place and spend a couple of nights together. I just feel like she is setting up Kaitlyn as my sex surrogate.
My first reaction was, "Is everything okay?"
She just smiled and said yes, and that she missed her friend and my sons get along well with her friend's son. So, she thought it would be a nice way for them to catch up.
I am just confused. She definitely cares about my needs, but she doesn't want to fulfill them.
I must say I don't find it confusing. If she doesn't have a matching need at the time, she would have to do it as a service... not a recommended way to have sex, and generally not a way to get one's sex drive up long-term.
I'm also not confused by your disappointment. You might have read on this forum that having a need met by another partner doesn't (necessarily) make it disappear with the original one. Maybe it's not intercourse per se you are missing, it's intimacy and touch with Emma, that maybe you are used to experiencing and expressing through sex.
You might want to speak to her about it (that having Kaitlyn is great, but not a substitute for intimacy shared with her). Try to understand how Emma's drive works. Is a few months' break something that's somehow natural to her?
Maybe try together to find how to pamper her in ways that will make it possible for her enjoy some kind of intimacy, maybe not at your preferred ease and frequency, but enough to keep this side of the marriage alive.
Kaitlyn spent last night here. This is the second time she has been at my place, and yesterday was great. Some good cooking, sex before going to bed and sex after waking up, the whole nine yards.
However, I feel like I have been so brainwashed by monogamy, that this still feels wrong, after almost a year. My wife knows everything, yet it feels like I am having an affair.
Kaitlyn spent last night here. This is the second time she has been at my place, and yesterday was great. Some good cooking, sex before going to bed and sex after waking up, the whole nine yards.
However, I feel like I have been so brainwashed by monogamy, that this still feels wrong, after almost a year. My wife knows everything, yet it feels like I am having an affair.
Brainwashing can really die hard, especially if you've been religiously indoctrinated. It could be worse. At least you're doing it. I'd imagine, after a few years, it will seem normal.
My son will be the first to find out about my relationship with Kaitlyn. I thought I cleaned up all the evidence of Kaitlyn being at our place but forgot the two coffee mugs on the counter. He asked me, "Who else was here?" I just told him that I just poured it in two cups out of habit, but he didn't seem to believe me.
Emma really likes to see me struggle through these conversations.
I probably reached my breaking point. My parents volunteered to watch all their grandkids so that their sons can have a nice Valentine's day weekend with their wives. I was planning to spend the Saturday with Emma and the Sunday with Kaitlyn but Emma suggested that I should spend the Friday night to Monday morning with Kaitlyn.
Her logic is that I get to spend every major holiday with her but Kaitlyn deserves some of my time too and this is a good way to show her that she is not just an outlet for sex, but I care about her.
I care about Kaitlyn, but I don't love her like I love my wife. Emma is behaving as if she wants me to fall in love with Kaitlyn.
I probably reached my breaking point. My parents volunteered to watch all their grandkids so that their sons can have a nice Valentine's day weekend with their wives. I was planning to spend the Saturday with Emma and the Sunday with Kaitlyn but Emma suggested that I should spend the Friday night to Monday morning with Kaitlyn.
Her logic is that I get to spend every major holiday with her but Kaitlyn deserves some of my time too and this is a good was to show her that she is not just an outlet for sex but I care about her.
I care about Kaitlyn but I don't love her like I love my wife. Emma is behaving as if she wants me to fall in love with Kaitlyn.
Your wife is being kind. It seems like you're looking for some hidden motives where there may be none.
I think you could say no to her suggestion if you don't feel it's appropriate or simply not what you want.
Your wife is being kind. It seems like you're looking for some hidden motives where there may be none.
I think you could say no to her suggestion if you don't feel it's appropriate or simply not what you want.
She could be being "kind," or she might be trying to push Steve away. She's seeming less and less invested in the relationship, and has paved the way strongly for this very young woman to replace her in Steve's bed and heart.
If I were Steve, I'd ask Emma to be brutally honest and ask her what her motivations were. She may have become asexual, or maybe she feels so emotionally detached from Steve that she'd prefer he spend all his free time with Kaitlyn, and Emma herself spend as much time working overtime and with friends as she can, in order to avoid Steve.
We can't tell from here what Emma's true feelings are. She may be "masking" them even to Steve. It could take a couples therapist to tease out what is really going on here.
Personally I don't think a 19-year old "kid" could fully replace the love and mature, experienced, well-rounded nature of a woman of 35, for her husband in his late 30s. I'd feel hurt if seemed to me that my partner/spouse was pushing me toward my immature green partner, and away from them, even for one day of the VD holiday weekend, when the grandparents offered to sit.
Hmm. I'm sorry this happening, Steve. In your place, I would also be concerned about giving Kaitlyn too much time and attention in a way that's not realistic for a married poly man. Especially with Kaitlyn not wanting to date anyone else, herself...you don't want to give the impression that she has you all to herself.
I think you have to sit down with Emma and really talk to her, as others have said. Tell her that you miss her and that Kaitlyn is not a replacement for her.
Happy valentine's day to everyone. I took my wife's advice and I am spending valentine's weekend with Kaitlyn. I don't want to think too much about my marital troubles with Emma. Just want to spend a cozy couple of days with Kaitlyn.
Hope you all are having a blast with your loved ones.
Currently, due to the limitations on my time, they might have to just meet each other just by themselves. I am taking the kids to bouldering and that will give each other a solid 2 hours to get acquainted.
Currently, due to the limitations on my time, they might have to just meet each other just by themselves. I am taking the kids to bouldering and that will give each other a solid 2 hours to get acquainted.
So when I've met my metas or introduced my partners, it's usually been a case of have the intros by the hinge and then the hinge just leaves the conversation to unfold. When Adam and Puck met, I went and cooked dinner for all of us. When I met Nevyn's wife, he sat there quietly.
