mountaingirl
Active member
struggling with guilt and anxiety today. I find it hard to accept that Joe and P really don't want to be with anyone else (for now) and sometimes feel like I don't have enough time in the day to be a good partner to both of them. I've definitely become a better hinge as time goes on. I'm still one person though, and one person who frequently feels inadequate. That's not even taking into account future things, like having a family and even what will happen once we leave here/I graduate.
i return to these thoughts a lot on this blog lol. I don't really want to express this doubt to either Joe or P (at least not too often) because it's just worrying about future shit that could potentially never materialize. I just like, want to be enough? Both of them think I am, but like i dont fucking know. P hasn't even been in that many relationships; am I keeping him from experiencing something? Could Joe be a lot happier in a monogamous marriage? Things would be so simple for both of them if they didn't love the same person. Maybe they still do think it's simple. idk. I guess it's their responsibility to let me know if they need a change.
It's when everything is going well that I am most anxious haha. I have reached out to another therapist (someone who has a background in poly stuff + trauma) in the hopes to get more of a handle on the anxiety. I'm pretty high functioning, but I would like to not have anxiety spirals once a week. I don't really have anything to be anxious about, which makes me more anxious? I can see that it's more so me and how my brain works, not the situation. The situation is good, and life is good. All is well. Just wish i could convince myself that that is the case. It's like I'm so worried about things/situations/people being taken away that I'm unable to just enjoy them. URG it's frustrating to say the least
i return to these thoughts a lot on this blog lol. I don't really want to express this doubt to either Joe or P (at least not too often) because it's just worrying about future shit that could potentially never materialize. I just like, want to be enough? Both of them think I am, but like i dont fucking know. P hasn't even been in that many relationships; am I keeping him from experiencing something? Could Joe be a lot happier in a monogamous marriage? Things would be so simple for both of them if they didn't love the same person. Maybe they still do think it's simple. idk. I guess it's their responsibility to let me know if they need a change.
It's when everything is going well that I am most anxious haha. I have reached out to another therapist (someone who has a background in poly stuff + trauma) in the hopes to get more of a handle on the anxiety. I'm pretty high functioning, but I would like to not have anxiety spirals once a week. I don't really have anything to be anxious about, which makes me more anxious? I can see that it's more so me and how my brain works, not the situation. The situation is good, and life is good. All is well. Just wish i could convince myself that that is the case. It's like I'm so worried about things/situations/people being taken away that I'm unable to just enjoy them. URG it's frustrating to say the least