mountaingirl
Active member
Figured I'd start a blog on here! The name is really just because I'm still learning a lot about myself while realizing how little I have control over. Plus I'm originally from a beach town and really miss the ocean. Anyway....
Working a lot on doing things by myself/for myself lately. I definitely have an issue with codependence, but I've found that I actually have more to give the people I care about when I give myself what I need first (who would've thought?!). I've started volunteering at a homeless shelter in town. The residents always say thank you but I really do it for myself lol. If I don't help someone at least once a week I start questioning wtf my purpose is. I sometimes envy Joe and P; their jobs allow them to help real people in real time (they both work in healthcare). Getting my PhD sometimes feels like I'm stuck in some bubble doing experiments that will benefit no one but me, just to get my degree and make money some day. Still being in school is amazing bc my schedule is crazy flexible (stayed in bed cuddling today until 10a lol) but also, I can't turn my brain off when I come home the way I hope I will when I'm in my career. I have dreams about pipetting/running PCRs/planning experiments lol.
I've started making more music! I dick around on the piano and sing a bit. Started making my own beats using my keyboard. I stopped making music when my computer got too slow, but now that I have a new one I feel like the only limit I have is how much time I want to spend working on skills. Also practicing guitar skills again, but still building up calluses + dealing with my baby hands reaching the frets. It's a work in progress.
Still doing yoga. Waiting on the studio I work at to start sign ups for 200 hour teacher training. I've been a karma yogi (cleaning floors, picking up around studio for a free membership) at hot yoga studios for almost 5 years now, and I'm definitely ready to teach my own class and actually get paid. Yoga is amazing. If I couldn't do at least one class a week I might come unhinged haha. It's awesome how doing yoga regularly can bleed into everyday activities, until all of a sudden I'm vacuuming while in half moon pose
Finally got my scuba license; it took almost 1.5 years from initial class to passing the written test. I have been saving flights on kayak to Hawaii, the Seychelles, US Virgin islands.... probably won't go on my first solo open water dive until 2023 or end of 2022 but I'm looking forward to it. My friend has her license as well and we've started bookmarking places we want to dive at. She also just moved in with us (me, Joe, P, and one of Joe's childhood friends) which has been going well so far. It's really nice having another woman in the house tbh, and it's cool that she knows about me and P's relationship. She was someone I confided in a lot when we first started dating, and she's queer so she's pretty open minded and doesn't ask the weird questions.
I'm probably most proud of my new skincare routine
it took until I was 25 to start one, but I definitely understand why so many people swear by it. It provides great bookends to my day.
None of this has anything to do with polyamory, but I'm really satisfied with myself for working on all of these hobbies/interests of mine. Some of them were started during the pandemic, others I have done my whole life. When me and P started dating, I neglected a lot of the things that made me happy. I was super stressed out and trying to figure out how I felt about P, anxious about the future of me and Joe's relationship, feeling depressed, worried about being enough for both Joe and P, guilt, etc. I didn't feel like myself for a bit.
Me, P and Joe went to see the Weeknd (an RnB/pop singer) last week. It was amazing. I am so glad that we can go to concerts again; there's nothing like hearing an album you have played a thousand times performed live. There are songs that take me back in time to when me, Joe and P first started hanging out, all the trips we've gone on together, nights skateboarding around and dancing in parking lots when everything was closed during the the pandemic...
I definitely think next time I go to a concert I'm going to lay off the weed though; there were quite a few people commenting on my body/what I was wearing (it wasn't that crazy, but definitely form fitting) and some guy behind us started yelling asking me "which one of them are you fucking" (in reference to Joe and P; they were on either side of me) and that really got in my head.... which circles back to the weed. I have a crazy imagination and I definitely feel the psychedelic effects of marijuana. Feeling, smelling, seeing and hearing things that aren't there, on top of normal stimuli can be really fun when I'm in a safe environment, but around a ton of strangers it's just overwhelming. It's weird because I love doing other psychedelics, but I plan ahead so I can be in a safe environment for those as well.
Joe and P insist that I need to learn to ignore what other people say. Still working on this. I used to go to the Church of latter day saints in middle school (I was raised catholic, but mormons just seem so much more welcoming so I would go to activities with my friends sometimes) and I remember a reading/interpretation by one of the members in which she mentioned that "everyone has their sodom and gomorrah" in reference to the sin we hold onto most. I am not religious, but I can definitely say a mistake I keep making is caring what other people think. I have sometimes managed to fool myself into thinking that it's empathy, sympathy, consideration, etc.... but there's really no good excuse for it. I admire Joe and P for their give-no-shits attitude. They don't confront people when weird comments are said/negativity is being spread, they just ignore it ("
we flying over the bullshit
"). I'm glad I surround myself with people who can bring this out in me.
Been bumping Beyonce's Renaissance album. It's amazing and I recommend it to literally anyone who likes RnB/EDM/dance hall music. It's really fun to dance to and a big confidence booster. Also an awesome gym mix.
Working a lot on doing things by myself/for myself lately. I definitely have an issue with codependence, but I've found that I actually have more to give the people I care about when I give myself what I need first (who would've thought?!). I've started volunteering at a homeless shelter in town. The residents always say thank you but I really do it for myself lol. If I don't help someone at least once a week I start questioning wtf my purpose is. I sometimes envy Joe and P; their jobs allow them to help real people in real time (they both work in healthcare). Getting my PhD sometimes feels like I'm stuck in some bubble doing experiments that will benefit no one but me, just to get my degree and make money some day. Still being in school is amazing bc my schedule is crazy flexible (stayed in bed cuddling today until 10a lol) but also, I can't turn my brain off when I come home the way I hope I will when I'm in my career. I have dreams about pipetting/running PCRs/planning experiments lol.
I've started making more music! I dick around on the piano and sing a bit. Started making my own beats using my keyboard. I stopped making music when my computer got too slow, but now that I have a new one I feel like the only limit I have is how much time I want to spend working on skills. Also practicing guitar skills again, but still building up calluses + dealing with my baby hands reaching the frets. It's a work in progress.
Still doing yoga. Waiting on the studio I work at to start sign ups for 200 hour teacher training. I've been a karma yogi (cleaning floors, picking up around studio for a free membership) at hot yoga studios for almost 5 years now, and I'm definitely ready to teach my own class and actually get paid. Yoga is amazing. If I couldn't do at least one class a week I might come unhinged haha. It's awesome how doing yoga regularly can bleed into everyday activities, until all of a sudden I'm vacuuming while in half moon pose
Finally got my scuba license; it took almost 1.5 years from initial class to passing the written test. I have been saving flights on kayak to Hawaii, the Seychelles, US Virgin islands.... probably won't go on my first solo open water dive until 2023 or end of 2022 but I'm looking forward to it. My friend has her license as well and we've started bookmarking places we want to dive at. She also just moved in with us (me, Joe, P, and one of Joe's childhood friends) which has been going well so far. It's really nice having another woman in the house tbh, and it's cool that she knows about me and P's relationship. She was someone I confided in a lot when we first started dating, and she's queer so she's pretty open minded and doesn't ask the weird questions.
I'm probably most proud of my new skincare routine
None of this has anything to do with polyamory, but I'm really satisfied with myself for working on all of these hobbies/interests of mine. Some of them were started during the pandemic, others I have done my whole life. When me and P started dating, I neglected a lot of the things that made me happy. I was super stressed out and trying to figure out how I felt about P, anxious about the future of me and Joe's relationship, feeling depressed, worried about being enough for both Joe and P, guilt, etc. I didn't feel like myself for a bit.
Me, P and Joe went to see the Weeknd (an RnB/pop singer) last week. It was amazing. I am so glad that we can go to concerts again; there's nothing like hearing an album you have played a thousand times performed live. There are songs that take me back in time to when me, Joe and P first started hanging out, all the trips we've gone on together, nights skateboarding around and dancing in parking lots when everything was closed during the the pandemic...
I definitely think next time I go to a concert I'm going to lay off the weed though; there were quite a few people commenting on my body/what I was wearing (it wasn't that crazy, but definitely form fitting) and some guy behind us started yelling asking me "which one of them are you fucking" (in reference to Joe and P; they were on either side of me) and that really got in my head.... which circles back to the weed. I have a crazy imagination and I definitely feel the psychedelic effects of marijuana. Feeling, smelling, seeing and hearing things that aren't there, on top of normal stimuli can be really fun when I'm in a safe environment, but around a ton of strangers it's just overwhelming. It's weird because I love doing other psychedelics, but I plan ahead so I can be in a safe environment for those as well.
Joe and P insist that I need to learn to ignore what other people say. Still working on this. I used to go to the Church of latter day saints in middle school (I was raised catholic, but mormons just seem so much more welcoming so I would go to activities with my friends sometimes) and I remember a reading/interpretation by one of the members in which she mentioned that "everyone has their sodom and gomorrah" in reference to the sin we hold onto most. I am not religious, but I can definitely say a mistake I keep making is caring what other people think. I have sometimes managed to fool myself into thinking that it's empathy, sympathy, consideration, etc.... but there's really no good excuse for it. I admire Joe and P for their give-no-shits attitude. They don't confront people when weird comments are said/negativity is being spread, they just ignore it ("


Been bumping Beyonce's Renaissance album. It's amazing and I recommend it to literally anyone who likes RnB/EDM/dance hall music. It's really fun to dance to and a big confidence booster. Also an awesome gym mix.
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