Hello from Australia - where we've pretty much escaped the pandemic. 5+ years ago this forum helped me greatly while my partner attempted to steer us into polyamory.
Firstly THANK YOU SO MUCH for being such a kind, open-minded community back then.
To save you from needing to dredge through all my angst and emotions - we were/still are a swinging couple, back then he caught feelings and wanted to explore what that could be, I was feeling a lot of duress but tried to be supportive and nothing really happened with her in the end...
It took time but we grew as a couple, communicate well now and generally things have been good.
About 2 years ago we got really close with a couple, closer than anyone before, the boys were/are both straight and we ladies were more best friends and playfriends than lovers.
We all had love in our hearts for eachother, we were not interested in polyamory though. The bond between her and I was very strong, their relationship got very rocky very quickly, they were both divorced with kids - one kid was going through a lot and it became a strain.
So to our total surprise they broke up, we all kind of kept playing as a fluid-bonded 4some though for a few months, they saw eachother 1 on 1 on and off...
Then as things went sour, and the 1st lockdown kicked in, we became an unintentional throuple (FMF). Nursing her through her heartbreak, I made it clear we loved her but were not in love with her but really there was lots of love.
She's one of those people who somehow has you thinking about them a lot. I worried about her too much.
Once it was well and truly over between them she started online dating and met a guy she liked. We were still coming over every weekend while she dated him on weeknights and we asked her to start off the relationship by being open/truthful with him.
Instead she told him I was her girlfriend and we were an item (no mention of my partner). He got jealous, there were issues.
Things got messy, this is kind of unimportant but it becomes clear to us that she has issues with honesty.
Covid shuts Australia down again, we live in a different State, are barred from entering her State, she's not barred from entering ours. In the time we have hard state borders her new boyfriend comes in hard and she doesn't visit us once, despite us asking.
By the time the borders lift, she's monogamous with him. That was ok but the new boyfriend was too insecure for the friendship to survive, she couldn't tell him we were seeing her even as friends.
All this time she told us, from the beginning that we had our own relationship with her ex, so when it was clear she was ditching us we didn't feel guilty about seeing him - as a friend and a lover (for me). He would happy come down to see us.
This upset her, I'm not going to go into the granular details but as we understood more about her perchant for embellishing reality it became clear she brought their split on.
The thing is this post isn't really about us as an awesome 4sum, or our throuple woes. I just needed to get some of that off my chest. What's taken me by surprise and out of nowhere is the connection that's developing with our male friend.
We always really enjoyed our sexual relationship and as friends we resonated on lots of things but now there's clearly a deeper bond. We see eachother once every few weeks, he lives in the other state some distance away, single dad to 3 kids, busy job.
It seemed like a great fit, we trust him 100% so we've stayed fluid-bonded, he loves and needs sex but life's too busy for a real relationship right now. We've always enjoyed MFM play but never brought a guy back more than a few times and my partner really trusts and likes him as a friend.
It's kind of unspoken between the 3 of us - except my partner calls him my boyfriend. The 3 of us have discussed trying to find a lady friend for my partner so I guess it's not that unspoken but if you read my thread 5 years back you'll see that I would never have seen this coming.
I'm a little bit fearful to explore what I'm/we're feeling. This guy is world's apart from me in many ways, he's very loveable but so busy and focused on his family. There's no time for much more than texts, the odd call and our regular catch up.
My partner has said in front of us that he just wants me to be happy. I want to protect our 1 on 1 union above all-else but it feels like I am being provided a very safe space in which to explore something that I swore was not for me - polyamory - of some sort.
So if you’ve stayed with me through my swinger's soap opera I guess I need to turn this into a question or 2...
Long Distance Very Part-time Lovers - can that work out as a long-time thing?
I guess I need to vocalise some of this with the guys, in particular my partner (the one who tried me make me try polyamory 5 years ago) - do I really have to right now or can I watch things play out a little more 1st?
Can you tell everything about this terrifies me? The risk of messing things up, of having my heartbroken, of saying the wrong thing.
What are some of the right things I could say?
Firstly THANK YOU SO MUCH for being such a kind, open-minded community back then.
To save you from needing to dredge through all my angst and emotions - we were/still are a swinging couple, back then he caught feelings and wanted to explore what that could be, I was feeling a lot of duress but tried to be supportive and nothing really happened with her in the end...
It took time but we grew as a couple, communicate well now and generally things have been good.
About 2 years ago we got really close with a couple, closer than anyone before, the boys were/are both straight and we ladies were more best friends and playfriends than lovers.
We all had love in our hearts for eachother, we were not interested in polyamory though. The bond between her and I was very strong, their relationship got very rocky very quickly, they were both divorced with kids - one kid was going through a lot and it became a strain.
So to our total surprise they broke up, we all kind of kept playing as a fluid-bonded 4some though for a few months, they saw eachother 1 on 1 on and off...
Then as things went sour, and the 1st lockdown kicked in, we became an unintentional throuple (FMF). Nursing her through her heartbreak, I made it clear we loved her but were not in love with her but really there was lots of love.
She's one of those people who somehow has you thinking about them a lot. I worried about her too much.
Once it was well and truly over between them she started online dating and met a guy she liked. We were still coming over every weekend while she dated him on weeknights and we asked her to start off the relationship by being open/truthful with him.
Instead she told him I was her girlfriend and we were an item (no mention of my partner). He got jealous, there were issues.
Things got messy, this is kind of unimportant but it becomes clear to us that she has issues with honesty.
Covid shuts Australia down again, we live in a different State, are barred from entering her State, she's not barred from entering ours. In the time we have hard state borders her new boyfriend comes in hard and she doesn't visit us once, despite us asking.
By the time the borders lift, she's monogamous with him. That was ok but the new boyfriend was too insecure for the friendship to survive, she couldn't tell him we were seeing her even as friends.
All this time she told us, from the beginning that we had our own relationship with her ex, so when it was clear she was ditching us we didn't feel guilty about seeing him - as a friend and a lover (for me). He would happy come down to see us.
This upset her, I'm not going to go into the granular details but as we understood more about her perchant for embellishing reality it became clear she brought their split on.
The thing is this post isn't really about us as an awesome 4sum, or our throuple woes. I just needed to get some of that off my chest. What's taken me by surprise and out of nowhere is the connection that's developing with our male friend.
We always really enjoyed our sexual relationship and as friends we resonated on lots of things but now there's clearly a deeper bond. We see eachother once every few weeks, he lives in the other state some distance away, single dad to 3 kids, busy job.
It seemed like a great fit, we trust him 100% so we've stayed fluid-bonded, he loves and needs sex but life's too busy for a real relationship right now. We've always enjoyed MFM play but never brought a guy back more than a few times and my partner really trusts and likes him as a friend.
It's kind of unspoken between the 3 of us - except my partner calls him my boyfriend. The 3 of us have discussed trying to find a lady friend for my partner so I guess it's not that unspoken but if you read my thread 5 years back you'll see that I would never have seen this coming.
I'm a little bit fearful to explore what I'm/we're feeling. This guy is world's apart from me in many ways, he's very loveable but so busy and focused on his family. There's no time for much more than texts, the odd call and our regular catch up.
My partner has said in front of us that he just wants me to be happy. I want to protect our 1 on 1 union above all-else but it feels like I am being provided a very safe space in which to explore something that I swore was not for me - polyamory - of some sort.
So if you’ve stayed with me through my swinger's soap opera I guess I need to turn this into a question or 2...
Long Distance Very Part-time Lovers - can that work out as a long-time thing?
I guess I need to vocalise some of this with the guys, in particular my partner (the one who tried me make me try polyamory 5 years ago) - do I really have to right now or can I watch things play out a little more 1st?
Can you tell everything about this terrifies me? The risk of messing things up, of having my heartbroken, of saying the wrong thing.
What are some of the right things I could say?