Friday night and the early part of Saturday were spent seeing Rebecca off to her move. Saturday afternoon was spent getting some work done and chatting with Desi online while Rider watched football.
Saturday night, my Florida friend came over and we all jammed. I have always had a bit of a subtle, low-level crush on this friend (we held hands once, years ago), but I don't know them super well, and while they are an amazing person (smart, sweet, talented in about a gazillion ways), they always seemed mired in unrequited-love-type relationship drama, so I never fan the flames. It didn't even seem relevant to mention to Rider, it was so small.
Well, after hanging out, it turned out that Rider also had developed a crush on them. I don't think they are into guys, though. At least, I have never heard them talk about guys, and they identified as a lesbian woman when I first met them. Now they identify as androgynous. I am not sure if their attraction parameters are fluid at all. I told Rider not to get his hopes up. And, for my part, I did my best to ignore the little spark that has always flared up between us. They have always been masculine enough—tall, lanky, and just my typical-boy-type—that my "this is a hot boy" spidey senses were activated and I felt some organic attraction, even if they are not actually a boy. Attraction is weird.
We had a really good time with them, though. They are quite accomplished at guitar for someone who has been playing for only as long as I have been playing bass. I am not surprised, though. They are generally good at whatever they put their mind to. I had to shut the fun down around 1 a.m., though, because I had to get up early to get ready for my dates.
My Sunday dates, well, so...
Guy One was the hot and perfect-on-paper one...and he was indeed very pretty IRL. But, like, oddly child-like? Like, skipping across the street, and clapping with delight at things. He seemed more 20 than 30. His girlfriend is 21, so maybe that's part of it.
He also had about him a kind of swishy seeming-gayness even though he's straight? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it surprised me.
He's obviously very intelligent—has a hard science PhD acquired in a non-English-speaking country despite being from the USA. But he's very, very odd. I can work with odd, but I'm not so sure here. I guess I will probably try?
Anyway, we got along fine in person, but his text communication on either side was sometimes oddly grating. Like, the part I've already mentioned here where he was really forceful about meeting up super fast IRL, citing too many people ghosting.
And, even worse, afterward, he said I was "a reasonable level of intelligent" which seemed like a vague almost-compliment couched in superiority. Instead of taking it lying down, I ribbed him for it:
"LOL, 'a reasonable level of intelligent'; did you just give me an 'S for satisfactory'?"
His reply just dug the hole even further:
"I don't give out accolades before they are won. I am also good enough at statistics to know that you shouldn't take every correlation and extrapolate to infinity."
Ugh, really?
So, he may be super smart, but he's obviously also super elitist about it and does not have the good sense to know when to keep his mouth shut about his opinions. The "between the lines" there is "I'm judging you." Which, on a first date is always the case. But you're supposed to be subtle about it. LOL
All of this smacks a little too much of The Ex for my tastes...which is a shame, because this guy is soooo pretty!
So that was the first guy. And then, hilarity ensued:
As I mentioned, I had back to back dates with these guys, both downtown. My date with the first one involved a skyscraper observation deck, and he pointed out his building where he lives.
As I got close to being done with Guy One, I texted Guy Two asking where he wanted to meet, because I didn't remember if we'd named a place. While I waited for a response, Guy One and I parted ways near the train station, and he headed home on foot.
When I heard back from Guy Two, he reminded me that he'd mentioned a coffee shop. He said to tell him right then if I wanted to change locations, so he could head the right direction because he was about to go on his way. So I said, coffee shop, OK, fine.
Afterward, I looked up where the coffee shop is, and it's the
same block where Guy One said that he lives, which is like a 15-minute walk away from where I was at that moment.
So I had to sit there and brainstorm how to
not accidentally be seen by Guy One and either seem like I'm stalking him or blowing my cover that I'm on back-to-back dates! Total sitcom shit!
I decided to just Lyfted to the coffee shop and darted right in as fast as I could. It was ridiculous. If I saw that in a show I'd think it was unbelievable. But it was my real life.
And so Guy Two...
I knew he was short—his profile said 5'5" and we discussed how I really don't have a problem with that. But then when he stood up to hug me hello when I arrived at the coffee shop (which my arrival is a whole other funny story I have to tell)....I discovered that he is legit shortER than me, and I'm just a bit under 5'4". Which means that he lied on his profile, which NEVER flies well with me. The height itself, whatever, but the lie...UGH!
But he was nice and friendly and the conversation flowed well. Overall, I liked him as a person and would hang out again. The other two sticking points, if I am to consider him for more than friendship, were these:
1) Pretty early on in the conversation, we were talking about work, and he starts saying how I should try to get equity shares in my company, and giving all these reasons, and explaining how he does that for his employees. Well, OK, a bit of business advice I'd never thought of. (That I am unlikely to follow, but whatever.) But he kind of bulldogs it and when I have clearly sent out subtle signals that I am ready to be done with the topic, but still trying to be more polite than just bluntly changing the subject, he doesn't pick my hints up and is still going. It got kind of frustrating and boring. I did not come on a date to talk about business.
2) I got the sense that he maybe harbors a little bitterness about how poly has gone for him so far, in terms of the imbalance between him and his partner. She apparently has had a great many partners at any given time, while he really has barely had any.
It also sounds like they may have poor boundaries, based on a few things he's said. For one, she started dating a close neighbor despite his discomfort, and he didn't feel OK standing up for himself or having what GalaGirl calls a "messy people list." Secondly, their other bed is in a common area, so her other partners are always kind of in his face. Thirdly, it sounds like he puts more into the relationship than he reaps, and people who are comfortable getting walked on ring my alarm bells.
I totally get the "feeling an imbalance" thing, because I've been there with Rider. But I have not allowed it to make me bitter, and I think the poor-boundary stuff probably contributes largely to the bitterness. I also think he probably dished more dirt on his relationship than I needed to hear on the first date (so again with the boundary thing).
So, for both of these guys...maybe there is just a theme of poor judgment? I liked Jason from Thursday waaay better than either of these guys so far. However, I think I will give them both a second chance because maybe they were each having an "off" day? I sure have those, and I'd hate someone to completely dismiss
me based on a bad first impression. I'm going to be busy for the next couple of weeks, so they have time to impress me (or not) over text/IM in the meantime, before they get their in-person second chance.
My dinner with Oona, Mel, and Tina tomorrow was canceled, so I've already offered Jason a second date. I've also cleared my Wednesday because my visiting friend is going to be around till the weekend, and I'm going to try to see her on Saturday night instead of going out on a school night. I'll spend tomorrow night practicing my bass instead.
Last night, Rider and I practiced music and got tasty Korean food and ate ice cream and vegged in front of the TV for a while. It's exactly what I needed after those two bizarre dates. We also had really yummy sex before bed. He is my safe place, my home, my rock, my "sure thing." Collapsing onto him and melting into him after a rough day of humaning is the most relieving feeling in the world.
Tonight, after Pilates, I am going over by the beach to do some hippie meditation thing. It's a "me thing" that I am doing by and for myself. Should be interesting.
