Reverie
Active member
And then, FML, it was my turn to have fucked up.
I found out unexpectedly that my boss needs me to sub for him for a business trip to a big city in less than two weeks. The trip is during the work week (Wed–Fri).
I'll be traveling and then working till 5:30 the first day, then working till 5:30 the second day, then working and flying out the third day. I'll have a max of maybe twelve hours of waking downtime, roughly six hours per evening, the whole time I'm there.
I erroneously thought that Rider needed at least two weeks before asking a vacation day off of work. I felt certain of it. Even if he hadn't, I honestly thought that taking three days off of work to hang out with me for (at most) twelve waking hours was not something that would make any sense for him to do.
So . . . I asked Dustin, figuring it'd be a simple, no-contest thing on Rider's end. Even though Dustin is burnt out from travel, I figured I should at least offer him the chance, since he often has those same three days of the week off. Maybe he'll feel recovered by then. Maybe he'll wanna go explore while I'm at work, and be excited for the free hotel. I haven't heard his answer yet, but I did let Rider know that I'd asked him.
Rider's feelings were soooooooo hurt. Apparently he can take off of work pretty much whenever as long as no one else on his team has, and as long as it's two days in advance, not two weeks. He was very pissed at me. I told him that if Dustin turns me down, he's more than welcome to come with me. I was genuinely surprised that Rider would choose to spend vacation days that way. When he cooled off, he told me that I was actually right. He wouldn't want to spend days off like that. He just wanted to have first right of refusal.
He accused me of "my first thought" being how to spend more time with Dustin. But really, my first and only thought was just that it'd be fun to bring someone along, and my second thought was that Dustin would be the one who could actually do it. If it had been a weekend trip, I probably would have asked Rider, like I did last time (and, incidentally, I caught hell from Dustin about that that time, too).
Then Rider had an idea: if Dustin turns me down, Rider could maybe work from home as long as it's not more than three days in a month (I thought it was once a week) or possibly from the branch office in that city. Well, damn. I didn't know either of those were possible. (And Rider didn't think of it till about an hour into the conversation, so it's not like they were obvious solutions.) But once he thought of them, he got angry again at the potential missed chance. He told me never to assume anything about his possible work schedule again.
Well, OK, then. I won't. And I told him he could have first dibs on whatever the next trip ends up being. And we're back to being mellow again for the moment.
I think Rider really wants first right of refusal on any trip that comes up in the future, but I don't think I can give that to him. Maybe the next couple, since I've gone more places with Dustin again. But not blanket-wise. Otherwise, how would that be fair to Dustin? To me, it's better to let logic solve it: who would it be easier and more convenient for? Who is likelier to be able to go?
But now that it has happened once with each of them, I see that it is clearly an emotional, not logistical, problem for both of them. Each would rather be offered first and go far out of their way to have the extra time with me. I think I'll have to just balance things a bit so that Rider's not so far behind as to be upset about it, and then express that to both of them: from some future point on, first dibs on my business trips are going to be offered to the person whose schedule makes the most sense with the dates I must go.
It amazes me sometimes how even stuff I thought was going to be no-contest and easy can still be a challenge and minor nightmare. Oh, poly.
I found out unexpectedly that my boss needs me to sub for him for a business trip to a big city in less than two weeks. The trip is during the work week (Wed–Fri).
I'll be traveling and then working till 5:30 the first day, then working till 5:30 the second day, then working and flying out the third day. I'll have a max of maybe twelve hours of waking downtime, roughly six hours per evening, the whole time I'm there.
I erroneously thought that Rider needed at least two weeks before asking a vacation day off of work. I felt certain of it. Even if he hadn't, I honestly thought that taking three days off of work to hang out with me for (at most) twelve waking hours was not something that would make any sense for him to do.
So . . . I asked Dustin, figuring it'd be a simple, no-contest thing on Rider's end. Even though Dustin is burnt out from travel, I figured I should at least offer him the chance, since he often has those same three days of the week off. Maybe he'll feel recovered by then. Maybe he'll wanna go explore while I'm at work, and be excited for the free hotel. I haven't heard his answer yet, but I did let Rider know that I'd asked him.
Rider's feelings were soooooooo hurt. Apparently he can take off of work pretty much whenever as long as no one else on his team has, and as long as it's two days in advance, not two weeks. He was very pissed at me. I told him that if Dustin turns me down, he's more than welcome to come with me. I was genuinely surprised that Rider would choose to spend vacation days that way. When he cooled off, he told me that I was actually right. He wouldn't want to spend days off like that. He just wanted to have first right of refusal.
He accused me of "my first thought" being how to spend more time with Dustin. But really, my first and only thought was just that it'd be fun to bring someone along, and my second thought was that Dustin would be the one who could actually do it. If it had been a weekend trip, I probably would have asked Rider, like I did last time (and, incidentally, I caught hell from Dustin about that that time, too).
Then Rider had an idea: if Dustin turns me down, Rider could maybe work from home as long as it's not more than three days in a month (I thought it was once a week) or possibly from the branch office in that city. Well, damn. I didn't know either of those were possible. (And Rider didn't think of it till about an hour into the conversation, so it's not like they were obvious solutions.) But once he thought of them, he got angry again at the potential missed chance. He told me never to assume anything about his possible work schedule again.
Well, OK, then. I won't. And I told him he could have first dibs on whatever the next trip ends up being. And we're back to being mellow again for the moment.
I think Rider really wants first right of refusal on any trip that comes up in the future, but I don't think I can give that to him. Maybe the next couple, since I've gone more places with Dustin again. But not blanket-wise. Otherwise, how would that be fair to Dustin? To me, it's better to let logic solve it: who would it be easier and more convenient for? Who is likelier to be able to go?
But now that it has happened once with each of them, I see that it is clearly an emotional, not logistical, problem for both of them. Each would rather be offered first and go far out of their way to have the extra time with me. I think I'll have to just balance things a bit so that Rider's not so far behind as to be upset about it, and then express that to both of them: from some future point on, first dibs on my business trips are going to be offered to the person whose schedule makes the most sense with the dates I must go.
It amazes me sometimes how even stuff I thought was going to be no-contest and easy can still be a challenge and minor nightmare. Oh, poly.
Last edited: