The butterfly diaries

A more successful out mission today, with a pharmacy trip (even though the pharmacist being kinda weird by stepping into my personal space despite me wearing a mask. At one point I stepped back and he then stepped forward again back into my space.) I then went to the supermarket and got some groceries. I've decided I actually need to stop buying so many ingredients, which makes me a little sad, but I'm not getting through them. I got three frozen meals for $10. They claim to be entree sizes but they'd be plenty for a meal. I thought I wanted bread but when I tried to put some in my shopping, I had a visceral reaction to it and a real sense of, "if you want bread, make it yourself". And this was in the 'artisan' section of the supermarket, so even there it's clear that something isn't quite suitable for me.

I have a couple more things to do before I can totally stop for the afternoon. Today is better than yesterday. Tomorrow is back to work. Mercifully it is a teacher only day.

I spoke with Puck this morning. He said that Charli is still vaguebooking about their break up. He's had her on mute, and it wore off, but he's put her back on mute. I'm like, why don't you just unfriend her? Block her even. But no. I don't know if it's a good thing or not that he keeps exes around. Hopefully we'll never consider ourselves exes, because I generally don't have much interest in keeping my exes around. I told him that I called his newest love Faye, and he laughed and agreed it was fitting.

Adam and I are growing a lot closer even by text. It's almost like his flatmate was a curse that's been lifted. Apparently the old flatmate's cat came around this morning looking for food and our cat had a huge hissy fit and chased him off. She knows she's got her house back, too.
 
As the weather turns pleasant again, I've been walking more; a little bit further to work before I catch the bus, and some ways home again before catching the bus the rest of the way. I've found my old headphones and so I get music to walk too, and I also have basically no dress code restrictions for work so today it's cargo jeans and a sweatshirt I've cut the bottom band and the neck band off. This is my dream job, basically. Well, close. I'd rather write resources half the time and have about half my class load, but that's not an option.

But the walking... it's not comfortable and I'm definitely in some pain, but I'm enjoying the challenge and finding myself a little more capable each day. This is as much mentally as physically, because I've always struggled with walking as it seems really slow and I'm afraid of being late. Or it's too laborious to be worth it. And I'm finding that I'm not doing it because I want to be skinny - that ship has sailed (although I'm definitely becoming a fan of shape wear lol). I'm doing it because I like the feeling of being able to move more, suppleness I guess. Certainly not flexibility (also sailed). But I reckon I can get a little more flow into my life and that doesn't have to mean poi or hoops or anything. Walking is my flow, and it's enough for me right now. My heart and lungs are protesting every day, but it I don't do anything at all, then they'll never comply.

I want to be fit enough to enjoy some outdoor activities when Puck is here, too. Kayaking is looking doable.
 
Last edited:
I went to a poly munch last Sunday. It was lovely. The Nomad was there, with his new local partner (also very familiar with poly) and everything was cool as. It was a slightly smaller munch and, except for the reddit refugee waving around a prettified evil stick, the group I was talking with were awesome.

The organiser was suggesting we add a midweek discussion group at his place on an off week wherein people take turns to lead discussions. He asked me if I'd be willing to lead one and what my favourite aspect to discuss in polyamory is (his is de-escalation or modifications rather than break ups). At first, I wasn't sure I had a pet passion, but as I rambled after half a delicious strawberry cocktail, it became obvious that I do.

I've said it before and I will say it again. If you are not ready to make your metamour one of your first calls in case of emergency or death of your shared partner, you are not ready for poly.

One of the people I hadn't met before (but who seemed really cool) brought up the issue of blame within grief. Most obvious scenario...imagine if you will that there is a fairly newly open couple, still navigating the basics we see so much of, but one night, when one of the them is on their way to a date with their newer partner, they instead have a date with a semi-trailer, side on. So, the legal (usually, let's be honest here) partner gets the call, or worse, knock on the door. Meanwhile the newer partner is simply freaking out that this person they are beginning to fall in love with has just vanished off the face of the earth without reason. It's not too much of a stretch to imagine that the established partner (who may have only been testing the poly waters, or tolerating their spouse's exploration) blames the newer person for the death of their spouse, after all, they could have been at home on the couch watching Matlock together had they not opened their marriage in the first place! So, in the depths of their grief, would their anger be directed towards their metamour and thus not be willing to do "the call" (or even text if they can't quite make the call). Or 5 years in, there's an uneasy peace between two metas who have settled on parallel poly because they just don't like each other. Hinge has a heart attack while on a date with one of them...do they immediately call the other (well, after 911 and getting to the hospital, obvs.)?

My possibly unpopular opinion is that you MUST contact your metamour in case of emergency or death, whether you fucking like them or not. Whether you were teething at poly, or long established. Whether you are out to anyone else or not. Be a decent human being ffs.

I guess I need to find a way to make that pill easier to swallow for a discussion group that involves the polycurious and noobs, but honestly, we talk about jealousy, time management, allocation of funds, poly hell, rights of the secondary in dating...but it's woefully neglected to talk about rights of the secondary and the other side of the coin, the responsibilities of the primary in event of serious illness, injury or death. Let's start that conversation.
 
Last edited:
icesong said:
Please elaborate?
Click to expand...
He made reference to r/polyamory, and he had an evil stick with some plastic beads for a makeshift handle. Not that I've ever bothered having a handle on an evil stick, myself.
 
It's 2 pm Sunday and I'm still in bed. Yesterday was a lot, and today is Ayin's birthday.

Yesterday was great until Nevyn and I got home about 4 and I blew a tyre after getting a bit stuck in a pothole of a drain. I had to get the automobile association out to change it because the nuts were on so tightly that even they were mildly panicky for a moment, but there was success. They took so long to show up, but the space saver got put on the car and I could finally take Nevyn home, better late than never. I can't get a new tyre until at least tomorrow, so I cancelled on my folks today - I was supposed to visit, sigh.

While driving Nevyn home I got an SOS from friends to then drive 20 mins away to pick up a teen and deposit them at A&E for suicidal ideation and threats. The mental health crisis team were already involved, but they were also hours away and teen was home alone because temp guardians (my friends) were out of town for a mini break. Teen is now in respite care, despite guardians coming back (I handed over to them around 11 pm last night.) And they texted this morning to say that they have Covid. Sigh. I hope my immunity is still good enough that I won't get it.

And after all of that, no I didn't sleep in, I woke the same time I always do. And no, I can't nap because I'm not wired that way. And all I want is a goddamn hug and a shoulder to cry on, but today is Nevyn's date day with his wife, so I can't even ask for some extra moral support. Adam's at work. And although I've spoken with Puck, his head is so far up in politics at the moment I don't think I'm going to get any real connection from him until he's here. I really do hope he can leave it behind enough to enjoy the holiday. It's only 6 weeks away.
 
Oh, I am so sorry about your terrible day! Hugs from the opposite side of the world, Evie! Flat tire, teen with issues (I know what that's like), and the threat of Covid! Oh no!
 
It's Saturday and I met my big deadlines yesterday but hit the wall so hard and went home a little early. I have more coming up, but I'll get there. There are two weeks left in the work year and I am soooo excited for the holidays to begin. I have so much planned and today I have been booking accommodation for Puck and for all the different places we need to be up and down the country. I'm really excited for the overnight in Te Wai Ponumu (the South Island) but most of it is in Te Ika a Māui (the North Island). Unlike when I was there in the middle of winter and getting to play house in his rental, it will be the middle of summer and I want to be able to take advantage of the weather. I have booked a mixture of budget and slightly nicer accommodation. I can't afford luxury places and it's not really our style anyway. So, I know where we're going to sleep, and what we will do on a few days, but there will be a lot of wait and see, too.

Before then, I get to spend a week with Adam and a long weekend with Nevyn. Plus some totally alone time, yay!

I'm excited for everything (except my deadlines). I'm definitely living my best life yet.
 
Puck let me know today that he's worried about finances because the rent from his rental hasn't been paid in months. The tenant is supposed to be getting grant money while they retrain and reestablish themselves (it's been over a year now) but the paperwork has not happened in quite some time. I suspect this is his way of letting me know I'll probably have to cover all the expenses for his visit. I have most of the accommodation booked and paid for already, but there's petrol and food and other entertainment. If it's looking dire, I'll cancel the ferry excursion, or perhaps just turn it into a day trip.

I have just over a week of work left until the summer holidays begin. I have a LOT of admin to do in that time, and a day excursion, and some classes (that will mostly be fun stuff). The admin is scary; really, really scary. I have one set of jobs I've simply been procrastinating on. When I buckle down, I can probably break the back of it in an hour, but I'm not 100 percent sure how to do one of the things and it's gotten to the point that it's embarrassing to ask for help. It's not critical, it's just paperwork no-one will ever actually see, but it needs to be done on that absolute off-chance there's ever an audit.

Adam was visiting last night, which means I got basically no sleep since I'm not used to sharing a bed with him, and it's a very small bed for two people. So basically, I'm just waiting out the daylight right now until I can fall asleep. What a waste of a night, sigh. We have already had very long evenings happening for weeks - we were talking about it at work today and are thinking there's less cloud cover this year than we're used to, so the evening light is available much longer from earlier in the year.

I get to see Nevyn for dinner and drinks tomorrow night, I've suggested we go get woodfired pizza at a place we like. I don't know if we'll spend Saturday together, I can't really think beyond tomorrow. I just need to get through this one day at a time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top